Snitko stifles opponents for m. soccer

Snitko stifles opponents for m. soccer

UCLA goalkeeper

moving to the top,

Bruins rise in polls

By Tim Costner

Daily Bruin Senior Staff

As the UCLA men’s soccer team climbed from No. 10 to No. 7 in
the national rankings last week, UCLA goalie Chris Snitko moved up
from fourth in the country to second.

Not that he cares.

"It’s good that we’re starting to get some shutouts and put it
together a little bit," Snitko said. "Stats aren’t really an issue
as long as we’re 10-1 right now and as long we keep on winning. If
I don’t give up any goals, we can’t lose. It’s a good thing to have
a low goals-against-average. It’s what every goalkeeper shoots
for."

Snitko currently boasts a .41 GAA, second behind Brett
Rosenberger of DePaul, who has a .32 average. Snitko, however, has
played in over 300 minutes more than Rosenberger. But he still
maintains his humility.

"I think I’ve come a long way in the fours years that I’ve been
here," Snitko said. "I’ve been working harder this year than I have
in the past. Maybe at the end of the year I’ll get a shot with the
Under-23 team, if things keep going well. But I’d rather give up a
bad goal and win 2-1 than play the game of my life and lose or tie.
It’s all about winning."

* * *

Although Snitko leads most other goalies in
goals-against-average, no one on the Bruins is among the top 20 in
scoring.

But with UCLA’s depth and diversity on offense, that somehow
makes sense.

"We never had (a scoring leader)," UCLA head coach Sigi Schmid
said. "Joe-Max Moore was there for us a little bit, but we’re a
team that relies on more than one person scoring, and as a result
of that, our scoring’s a little bit harder to figure out."

Currently, forward Ante Razov leads the Bruins with 16 points on
six goals and four assists. Razov has been heating up recently,
notching a goal or at least an assist in five of UCLA’s last six
matches.

Eddie Lewis is second on the team with 12 points (five goals,
three assists), while defender Frankie Hejduk is third with nine
points (four goals, one assist).

Twenty-six points is the lowest total among the nation’s top
20.

"You have to look at who we play against," Schmid said. "We also
have some depth. If we’re leading three or four to nothing, then
we’re going to take people out of the game. Individual awards have
never been our thing. We want to get the team awards at the end of
the year."

* * *

Injury update: UCLA will lose midfielder Caleb Meyer for about
two weeks after Meyer sprained his ankle last weekend.

Razov and midfielder Justin Selander suffered minor injuries
last week but should recover for this weekend’s games.

CTO will distribute UCLA­USC tickets by priority number

CTO will distribute UCLA­USC tickets by priority number

Student tickets for the UCLA-USC football game will be
distributed in accordance with the procedures outlined below. The
game will be played on Saturday, Nov. 19, 1994, at the Rose Bowl.
Student tickets are priced at $15 each and all are reserved
seats.

1. The student tickets for the UCLA-USC football game will be
sold on the basis of the prepaid, randomly generated priority
numbers issued with each students’ Student Sport Package and the
additional priority numbers issued at the Central Ticket
Office.

2. The priority numbers will serve as the method of admission to
the area where the ticket windows are located. Each priority number
issued specifies the time and date when the holder of that priority
number is to report to Pauley Pavilion to obtain the actual
admission ticket to the game. STUDENTS WHO RECEIVED BROWN PRIORITY
TICKETS NUMBERED 6501-6800 SHOULD REPORT AT 10:30 A.M. ON THURSDAY,
OCT. 13. STUDENTS ARE URGED TO REPORT TO PAULEY PAVILION ONLY AT
THE TIME SPECIFIED ON THEIR PRIORITY NUMBERED TICKET.

3. EACH STUDENT WITH ONE PRIORITY NUMBER WILL BE ALLOWED TO
PURCHASE ONE (1) USC STUDENT TICKET. THE STUDENT MUST ALSO PRESENT
HIS OR HER CURRENT REGISTRATION CARD AND HIS OR HER OWN UCLA
STUDENT PICTURE IDENTIFICATION CARD AT THE TIME YOU GET YOUR
TICKET.

4. Students who did not obtain season tickets but still desire
to purchase USC football tickets may obtain a priority number now
at the Central Ticket Office.

5. The best seats in the student section will be sold first.
Distribution of these seats, as well as the other seats, will be
made equally among all ticket sellers. If more than two persons
wish to sit together, then, on the day of the sale, they should
arrive at the latest time designation on the priority numbers they
hold and they will be issued tickets together by standing in line
behind the same ticket seller. Since the assignment of priority
numbers was done randomly, students who desire seats together will
have to decide whether they wish to pass up the lower priority
number in order to sit together.

6. Students should report to Gate 3, Pauley Pavilion at the time
designated on their priority number ticket. As the priority numbers
are called, the students must show their number to the gate
attendant and are admitted to the area where the tickets are
purchased.

7. When the student is at the window, he or she must present all
of the following:

a. Priority numbered ticket, which is retained by the ticket
seller.

b. Current UCLA registration card, which is punched by the
ticket seller.

c. UCLA student photo ID card.

d. Amount of cash required to purchase game ticket ($15 per
ticket). No checks will be accepted. CASH ONLY. PAYMENT IS NOT
REQUIRED FOR THOSE WHO PREPAID FOR THEIR USC TICKET THROUGH THE
STUDENT SPORTS PACKAGE.

8. Those students who are not present at the time their priority
number is called should report to Gate 3, Pauley Pavilion, at their
earliest convenience after their priority number time and get in
line with the current time priority numbers.

Aren’t we glad basketball is finally here?

Aren’t we glad basketball is finally here?

With the UCLA football team struggling to breath in the deeper
waters of the Pac-10, the desire for basketball season in Westwood
is at a feverish pitch.

And this Saturday, the doors to the hardwood floors on college
campuses around the nation will finally swing open for the first
day of basketball practice.

At some schools, in fact, the doors will actually open on the
first minute of Oct. 15, as several Pac-10 teams will put on a show
for the fans in their first practice session, in a ritual known as
"Midnight Madness."

Arizona State, California, Oregon and Washington will conduct
open practices at 12:01 a.m. on Saturday, with the usual
promotional giveaways, slam dunk contests, etc …

UCLA will open camp on Saturday, while Arizona will wait until
Monday to get things started.

And at USC, where head coach George Raveling is still recovering
from severe injuries suffered in a car accident a few weeks ago,
practice will likely begin at its usual time ­ 6 a.m.

* * *

The Pac-10 has been given nods of approval from assorted
preseason publications. Basketball Times says Arizona, fresh off
its 1994 NCAA Final Four berth, is the best in the country, while
Athlon picked UCLA to beat Arkansas in the NCAA Championship Game
come April 1995 in Seattle.

The first game for the Pac-10 will be an exhibition on The Farm,
as Stanford will host some kind of wacky team called the Blue &
Gold Fleet. The Athletes in Actions and the Marathon Oils of the
world will also make their swing through the preseason, before the
first game that will actually count ­ New Mexico State at USC,
Nov. 16. UCLA’s first game will be against the Perth Wildcats of
Australia, Nov. 16 at Pauley Pavilion.

* * *

Washington tailback Napoleon Kaufman repeated as Pac-10
Offensive Player of the Week. The senior from Lompoc, Calif.,
scored three touchdowns and piled up a career-high 254 yards
rushing in a 34-20 Husky victory over San Jose State.

"He just took the game and won it for us," Washington coach Jim
Lambright said.

"When you talk about speed," San Jose State coach John Ralston
added, "that is the ultimate in speed."

Kaufman may very well be the favorite for the Heisman Trophy, as
he leads the nation in both rushing (184.8 yards per game) and
all-purpose yardage (224.2 yards per game).

He is also making his way up the Pac-10 career rushing chart.
Currently, Kaufman stands seventh at 3,640 yards, just 29 behind
Ricky Bell of USC (’73-’76). Kaufman has 924 yards on the season
already, and should he surpass the 1,000-yard mark (and he might
just do that on the first play this week against Arizona State), he
will become only the fifth back in conference history to post three
1,000-yard seasons. Russell White (Cal), Darrin Nelson (Stanford),
Charles White (USC) and Anthony Davis (USC) are the others.

* * *

Pac-10 games to catch this week …

"Desert Swarm" vs. "Palouse Posse": Arizona (4-1 overall, 2-0 in
the Pac-10) is coming off a loss to Colorado State in which the
vaunted Desert Swarm defense gave up 21 points to undefeated Rams
of the mighty WAC.

Led by Pac-10 Defensive Player of the Week Mark Fields,
Washington State may have taken over as the best defensive team in
the country, as the Cougars lead the conference in every major
defensive category and lead the nation in both total defense (202.4
yards per game) and scoring defense (5.8 points per game).

The Battle of the Private Schools: USC (3-2, 2-1) and Stanford
(1-3-1, 0-2) are the only private schools in the Pac-10 and this
weekend they face off on national television. Guess where the money
is …

The Trojans lead this series 49-20-3. The game also features two
of the top quarterbacks in the nation. USC’s Rob Johnson, who is
recovering from a sprained ankle, is playing against former El Toro
High School teammate Steve Stenstrom of Stanford. During
Stenstrom’s senior year at El Toro, Johnson was moved to wide
receiver before reclaiming the quarterback position after
Stenstrom’s departure.

Stenstrom is on his way to breaking every major passing record
in the Pac-10. He is first in passing yards (9,662 yards) and he
trails Erik Wilhelm (OSU) and John Elway (Stanford) in total
offense. He is 11 touchdown passes away from surpassing Elway’s 77
career TD mark.

* * *

For volleyball fans, the Pac-10 will be featured on Prime Ticket
this week, beginning with USC at UCLA, 4:30 p.m. today. The Oct. 15
match between Stanford and Arizona will be shown on a national
delayed telecast Wednesday, Oct. 19, at 7 p.m.

* * *

The UCLA women’s volleyball team will play host to a couple of
the struggling teams in the conference this weekend at the Wooden
Center, beginning with the Oregon Ducks, Friday, Oct. 14.

The Ducks (6-10 overall, 0-7 in the Pac-10) are 1-19 vs. the
Bruins. Oregon last beat UCLA at MacArthur Court in 1987. Since
then, UCLA has taken 12 straight.

The Ducks are led by senior opposite Angee Henderson, who leads
the team in kills (3.73 per game) and hitting percentage (.254).
Injuries to outside hitter Amy McNeel and middle blocker Dani
Cordova have not helped the Ducks, who are now in the conference
cellar.

Baseball void alters October tapestry of life

Baseball void alters October tapestry of life

Robert Stevens

It’s mid-October, and all around the country, kids are getting
ready to do their homework.

Not any homework mind you, but the kind of fruitful studying
that they should have been gleefully ignoring because of the World
Series.

Teachers around the country are going into shock. A collective,
"What?!?" is being gasped. Assignments are being done, and being
done well. Chemistry books are getting read, work is being shown on
math problems and what’s worse, English essays are looking
distinctively unlike Cliff’s notes.

What is the world coming to?

Well, I can tell you where it’s not going to.

As far as I can remember, baseball’s fall classic, the ultimate
in distracters, has meant feigning school work. A realistic belief
that I’d get notes done in between pitches, questions answered
during side changes and detailed reading ­ the kind needed to
occasionally pass tests ­ done during soliloquies of vengeance
by Vin Scully, were all little lies I’d tell myself as my eyes
burrowed deep into the crevices and granules of the television
screen before me.

And in the end, once the last out was played, the fat lady had
sung or the ball had gone through Bill Buckner’s legs, I’d be no
better off academically than when I started.

But the funny thing was, it was OK.

My parents, the kind who would make a vampire go to bed early,
the kind who put As ahead of the A-Team, somehow forgot.

And then from the same place where youthful wonder and wide-eyed
fantasy are born, came the stories. Especially from my mom.

The stories never changed, really.

Gil Hodges and the Brooklyn Dodgers made her top five. The
plight of Jackie Robinson, the tragic accident of Roy Campanella
and the time she met Duke Snider outside of Ebbets field. And in
the cross-section of life where sometimes the memories outlive the
realities ­ that was real baseball.

In fact, I don’t know if the Brooklyn Dodgers even made it to
the World Series. In a lot of ways, I don’t care.

As easily as I lose touch with the teams of today (Are the Mets
still good?), the more ingrained are the defining moments of the
past. Steve Garvey’s home run in 1984 united my city and brought
together my family. It’s one of my fondest memories and my
enthralling first person account of it is but a vague memory of the
tale my dad told at dinner the next night.

In my memories of those days, "The Natural" intertwines with
"Casey at the Bat," "Mookie with Roger the Rocket" and chocolate
sundae syrup with my clean chin as the clock ticks to 10:14 p.m.
and I want to sleep.

With the exception of the Superbowl and a few trivial events
such as your wedding day, the World Series is one of the few times
that you can distinctly remember where you were, what you did, who
your friends were and what bathroom you used. The World Series is a
place holder for your past, it anchors the memories.

Hell, there was even an earthquake during the Battle of the Bay
in 1989. Honestly, who would actually remember it had it not taken
place before the start of Game 3. That’s how powerful the games
actually are. "Where were you at 5:04?" Watching the game, of
course.

Baseball is a lot like another national pastime, too ­
sex.

Not exactly of course, but both are slowly forging their way
down the same path. There’s a lot of selfishness involved, numbers
are important and for some, money is exchanged. But that’s a
different story.

Baseball is a feeling. It’s a 19-year-old Ken Griffey Jr. with
an ear-to-ear grin during his first all-star game, it’s an injured
Kirk Gibson crushing the Oakland A’s in one swing and sometimes,
even in 1994 when there are no memories to be made, it’s the
Brooklyn Dodgers.

If you’re lucky.

Robert Stevens is an undeclared sophomore. He is The Bruin’s
Arts and Entertainment assistant editor. Stevens has never written
a sports article ­ is it that obvious?

Wolf’s new book fights ‘Fire with Fire’

Wolf’s new book fights ‘Fire with Fire’

Kerckhoff Art Gallery hosts feminist writer’s book signing

By Nisha Gopalan

Dateless, man-hating women, driven to lesbianism, find solace in
feminism. Or so people think.

In actuality, there exists no standard feminist profile, no
strict feminist political agenda, not even a secret feminist
handshake. And men can be feminists, too. However, the burden of
facing stereotypes often alienates individuals from embracing
feminism.

Feminist Naomi Wolf, in her second book, "Fire With Fire: The
New Female Power and How to Use It," beckons her readers to dismiss
the stereotypes associated with feminists in light of a greater
concern, to establish a society more responsive to the interests of
the demographic majority: women.

The crux of "Fire With Fire" involves usurping "our power as
voters, our power as consumers and our power to just make a big,
stinking raucous," explains Wolf, a Yale graduate and Rhodes
Scholar, in an interview with The Bruin.

"It’s categorically true," says Wolf, "that men hold the balance
of power in virtually every society, but it’s also true, as I’ve
tried to point out (through my book), that women have a lot more
power than they’re using."

"In a representative democracy, you don’t have a situation where
men are holding guns to women’s heads in a workplace," adds Wolf.
"So oppression is much more insidious and double-edged. Yes, it is
important and necessary to look at how sexist structures oppress
women." However, Wolf emphasizes "looking at your resources and
figuring out how to use them."

Wolf suggests that women should manipulate the instruments of
the very institution they wish to challenge.

In "Fire With Fire," Wolf provides some startling statistics
that she hopes will inspire women to assert power. "In the (last)
presidential election," she writes, "women were 54 percent of the
voting public. This outflanking of male voters by females is the
culmination of a trend that has shown women of all racial groups
outvoting men since 1980."

She also draws attention to women’s economic power, directing
the reader’s attention toward the achievements of EMILY’s list, a
national women’s political action committee. "EMILY’s list," says
Wolf, "won women 25 new female leaders for a cost of $6.2 million
in 1992. That money was collected from fewer than 100,000
donors."

While Wolf remains careful to expose these seemingly hidden
powers to women, she also places great emphasis upon including all
women in her feminist theory, thus thwarting prior accusations
­ such as the one voiced by fellow feminist bell hooks ­
that she exhibits a bias towards addressing the heterosexual,
white, middle-class, college educated woman. According to Wolf, she
clearly makes an effort to destroy the elitism often associated
with feminism.

Academic feminists now "criticize me for popularizing feminism
and making it accessible by going on television shows, which is
where a lot of women without a higher education get their political
and social information," says Wolf, who made a concerted effort to
compose the book in a manner coherent to essentially anyone.

"A big part of my push is to make ideas which are now held
hostage by an academic environment, available to anyone who’s
thinking." The fact that Wolf has embarked on a speaking tour to
accompany "Fire With Fire," certainly reiterates her intentions to
reach everyone.

She also understands that every woman does not have the time to
turn feminism into an occupation. "Women have enough jobs,
already," she says.

In fact, Wolf deems that idea a misconception about feminism. To
provide a vehicle for women to easily voice their opinions, Wolf
refers to a plan, still in the works, to establish a "legislative
page every month in Cosmo or Glamour that would tell readers what
issues are coming up to be voted on, that affect women."

"You could call up a 1-800 line and a postcard would be sent to
your representative exposing your view about his. That may seem
like a little thing, but millions of women read those magazines. It
only took 3,000 phone calls to the Senate to open the Hill-Thomas
investigation. You could imagine the impact on legislatures knowing
that they were going to hear from eight million women a month on
issues affecting women."

Her proposition, she contends, safeguards women from the
illusion of a commitment as well as the "social ostracism" that
often scares women away from feminism.

"I don’t need to come in contact with you in order for us to
both participate in this. I don’t have to sign any loyalty oaths. I
don’t have to agree with you about abortion rights. I don’t have to
have an anguishing conversation about your privilege relative to
mine, or my privilege relative to yours."

Wolf refers to this rational, action-oriented,
manipulating-the-means feminism as power feminism. Wolf reacts to
strong anti-feminist sentiments, such as those voiced by the
outspoken author and University of the Arts professor, Camille
Paglia, that feminists harp on victimization. While some women have
the right to feel victimized, Wolf feels "It’s just the first step.
It shouldn’t be the end point."

"At Brown University ­ the young women write the names of
(alleged) date rapists on the wall," continues Wolf to illustrate
her point. "This made them feel empowered at a time when no one was
paying attention to their needs." But Wolf contends that the act
ultimately "reinforced women’s sense that there was no hope."

"I suggested to (these young women) that they organize a drive
to get alumnae to devote money to put it in escrow and say to the
university: ‘Well, you can have this money when there’s a decent
sexual assault grievance procedure.’ And (these students)
immediately said, ‘We can’t do this because that’s elitist. That’s
using capitalism. That’s using our privilege.’ They gave up the
opportunity to scare the administration into doing something
constructive." says Wolf.

"(These women) were more attached to being pure and helpless
than to getting their hands dirty and actually getting things
done," furthers Wolf. "If they were to go from the ladies room to
calling a press conference in the president’s office about his new
program that would make the president sweat bullets, that would be
a move to power feminism from victim feminism."

The idea of women manipulating means captures the central theme
of "Fire With Wire."

Says the optimistic Wolf, "If you could make a T-shirt that
boils down the motto of my book, it’s, ‘Who cares? It works.’"

SPEAKER: Naomi Wolf. Signing copies of her book at the Kerckhoff
Art Gallery. Thursday, Oct.13 at 3 p.m.

Turning old songs into our worst nightmares

Turning old songs into our worst nightmares

What’s the Noise?

Michael Tatum

Welcome to the first installment of my column, which purges the
mysteries of all the music that I, and hopefully you as well, love:
rock, rap, punk, country, blues, R&B, jazz, disco, techno,
reggae, soul, African and other "world" music, top 40, and
alternative ­ everything except heavy metal, because, to be
brief, I could live without it. Two related concepts, both from
fellow music critics, state my intent of purpose. The first
originated with my hero, Robert Christgau of the Village Voice:
"Rock criticism should piss people off." The second comes from two
guys I admire from more of a distance, Jimmy Guterman and Owen
O’Donnell: "If you can’t argue about rock and roll, what can you
argue about?"

For those not familiar with what a cover version is, it’s a
reworking of a previously recorded song by another artist. At their
best, they recontextualize a well known song into something
striking and brand new. Jimi Hendrix’s "All Along The Watchtower,"
PJ Harvey’s "Highway 61 Revisited," and the Neville Brothers’ "With
God On Our Side" all take on familiar, folk-rock styled Bob Dylan
classics and, in the best kind of way, make them their own.

Other good cover versions seize unjustly ignored treasures and
rework them from a fresh perspective: R.E.M.’s "Strange"
(originally by the punk band Wire) or En Vogue’s "Giving Him
Something He Can Feel" (an obscure Aretha Franklin tune).

Most however, take a song that made money once, record it in a
commercial and exploitative fashion, and reap the benefits from
compulsive consumers and blissfully ignorant casual music fans. Ten
glaring recent examples of these are listed below:

10.) Mariah Carey "Without You" I know, nobody serious about
music expects anything from this airhead anyway. But don’t you find
it paradoxically amusing that, in a song about the terrors of being
alone, Carey sings with a choir? Even those familiar with the
second most famous version of this song, a No. 1 hit for the worthy
Harry Nillson, don’t know that the song actually originated with
Beatle-wannabes Badfinger. When Pete Ham and Tom Evans sang "I
can’t live/If living is without you," they meant it ­ they
killed themselves within years of each other. Not that suicide
gives you artistic integrity. But I wouldn’t expect this shallow,
born-rich, married-to-the-president-of-Sony-Music pop singer to
feel anything so deep.

9.) Toad The Wet Sprocket "Rock And Roll All Nite" These losers
putting their minimal, sub-R.E.M. talents to this KISS classic
makes about as much sense as Debby Boone covering the Ramones.
Someone should have informed these bozos that the operative words
in that song title are rock ‘n’ roll.

8.) Ugly Kid Joe "Wild World" Contrary to popular belief, this
Cat Stevens stinker was never a good song. Like the also
interminable Maxi Priest version, this one copies the original
arrangement note for note, while the sexist condescension of the
lyrics ­ "I’ll always remember you like a child, girl" ­
still smells foul. No wonder a heavy metal band covered it.

7.) Eric Clapton "Layla" (from "Unplugged") Of course I know
Clapton did the original ­ don’t you think I do my homework?
But let’s face it, the guy singing this song isn’t the same one who
sang the classic 1970 version. Then, Clapton sang with soul and
fire, probably because he burned for the love of his best friend’s
wife, and also perhaps because he was in the grips of a raging
heroin addiction. I don’t blame Eric for getting clean, I do
however blame him for softening up and watering down his music (no
wonder this record won him his first Grammy). This vastly inferior
"Layla" sounds so dispassionate and lifeless it makes you want to
put Eric’s finger into an electrical socket. Perhaps he might have
put more effort into his performance had he been singing about the
cash advance for his next corporate sponsorship.

6.) The Who "Tommy" (from their 1989 live record) Has-been Steve
Winwood as the Hawker? Never-was Phil Collins as Uncle Ernie? The
always-posing Billy Idol as Cousin Kevin? With nobody coming close
to replacing late drummer Keith Moon? I’m not gonna take it.
Granted, this "Tommy" is far superior to the excruciatingly lame
Broadway version (which, like Clapton’s record, won a big award in
its field. See the connection?). But The Who are ­ or used to
be anyway ­ a great rock band. They have less excuse.

5) "Can’t Help Falling In Love With You" UB40 It would be
unthinkable to do a piece about bad cover versions and not mention
these guys ­ after all, they’ve forged a successful career out
of it. After garnering a fluke hit from "Red Red Wine," a Neil
Diamond cover they had recorded years before, they cut the "Labour
Of Love II" album, which, like its predecessor, set non-originals
to their reggae style. But by that time (1989), their style had
become so stale and overproduced, and their song choices were so
obvious, it signified nothing so much as a blatant pandering to the
lucrative "alternative" market, most of whom wouldn’t know a real
reggae tune even if Ziggy Marley was their roommate. This Elvis
Presley re-make, from their most recent record, represented the
absolute rock bottom. Clearly bankrupt of ideas, this formerly
worthy band has been coasting on flimsy ideas and their marketable
image for years.

4.) Duran Duran "Femme Fatale" Simon Le Bon to his bandmates in
a London studio, circa 1992: "Boys, we were exposed as the inane
teenybopper idols that we are years ago, and the 12-year-old girls
who used to buy our albums have grown up, gotten smart, and now
like all those weirdo bands like Nirvana! What are we to do?" John
Taylor: "Let’s cover a Velvet Underground song and pretend like
we’re hip to modern rock ‘n’ roll!" And so they did, turning this
Lou Reed-penned gem into a synth-heavy, emotionally vacant piece of
garbage on their so-called "comeback" record, with LeBon’s
trademark constipated whine the inevitable focus of attention. Now
that they’ve claimed a shiny new generation of 12-year-old girls,
they’re putting together an album of all covers, featuring the
likes of Led Zeppelin’s "Thank You" and Public Enemy’s "911 Is A
Joke." A Flock Of Seagulls, come back, all is forgiven.

3.) Tori Amos "Smells Like Teen Spirit" Nirvana’s classic garage
band original railed against the apathy of their generation. Amos’s
wrongheaded solo piano recital transforms it into a monument of
self-pity, an attack on all those cruel kids who just don’t
understand her (boo hoo). If your idea of rock ‘n’ roll is to sit
at home alone on Friday night, listening to your stereo, and
getting sensitive, this version is for you.

2.) 10,000 Maniacs "Because The Night" With her condescending
I’m-better-than-you air, her impotent three-note range, her
inexplicable drawing out of vowels and her inability to sing
consonants at the ends of words, Natalie Merchant has been on my
personal shitlist for years. I got especially irritated by her
self-serving appearance at the Earth Day forum last year, when she
claimed "the forest was my solace, my cathedral" (oh please) and
treated an earnest, albeit dippy, fan like trash in front of the
entire audience. This grossly ineffective cover of the Bruce
Springsteen-Patti Smith classic stands as her towering achievement.
First, her non-rock backing band, which has also ruined good R.E.M.
and Morrissey songs, generates about as much excitement as a four
hour Econ lecture. Second, Merchant’s chaste delivery, ill-fitting
in a song about sexual passion, couldn’t be less rousing if Barbara
Bush sang it. And third ­ well, "Because The Niiii?" Somebody
wipe out this grossly overrated force of bad music once and for
all.

1.) Whitney Houston "I Will Always Love You" An obvious choice,
I know, but it’s one that can’t be left out. Dolly Parton, who
wrote and sang the timeless original, said it best: "I was
overhearing some people who didn’t know I had written that song.
They said, ‘I didn’t know Dolly Parton was capable of something so
deep.’ I always thought it was kind of simple myself." Ahhh,
simplicity, lucidity, austerity ­ three things the
overwrought, Hallmark-card inspired wife of Bobby Brown could never
understand. Actually, I kind of liked her catchy cover of Chaka
Khan’s "I’m Every Woman" myself.

‘So-Called Life’ delights, ‘Hardball’ frights in new season

‘So-Called Life’ delights, ‘Hardball’ frights in new season

By Jennifer Richmond

Daily Bruin Staff

Along with a new school year comes another season of novel
television shows ranging from pure schlock to creative brilliance.
Here are the best and worst so far:

Excellent:

4. Right after "Coach," "Blue Skies," is bound to do well.
"Skies" follows two best buddies who open up a mail order catalog.
Their plan: to rip off L.L. Bean. When they discover their cousin
has stolen all their profits, the two decide to get a new
accountant. Enter the bubbly love interest. She’s brilliant with
job offers from the White House and a degree from Harvard. She’s
also gorgeous, creating a little tension between the guys. When the
pilot was first filmed the show was great. Now they’ve recast the
leading lady and she’s much weaker. With their time slot however,
odds are they’ll probably be around for at least a season.

3. "Friends" has no chance at failure. It’s funny, it’s got six
great actors that you’ll recognize from other sitcoms and it’s
sandwiched between NBC’s "Mad About You" and "Seinfeld." Talk about
perfect placement.

The show is sort of a funnier, shorter "Melrose Place." It
focuses on six twenty-somethings, their friendships, their
relationships and their work. Some of the familiar actors include
"Family Ties" Courtney Cox, "Growing Pains" Matthew Perry and Lisa
Kudrow of "Mad About You."

2. Michael Crichton’s "E.R." is another Thursday night
powerhouse. This one hour drama is up against CBS’s hospital drama
"Chicago Hope." But what makes "ER" better is its relationship to
college age students.

The drama focuses on five students who are working in the
emergency room (E.R.) to help prepare themselves for the time when
they will finally become doctors. While four of the five are
residents with promising futures and distinct personalities, the
fifth is most like a UCLA pre-med.

According to some, this series shows what it’s like to work in
the hectic surroundings of a hospital’s E.R.

1. "My So-Called Life" is amazing. With this show, all
pre-conceived notions about high school dramas will go out the
window.

Angela Chase (brilliantly played by Claire Danes) is a typical
high school sophomore. She, like most her age, is in need of some
sort of acceptance. After dropping her boring best friend, she
meets up with a new crowd and during her time with them she
experiences the pressures of school as most real people know them
­ trying to fit in, fighting for your own beliefs and the
realities of being outside Beverly Hills.

Although the show has received rave reviews, it is in danger of
failing because it directly competes with NBC’s "Mad About You" and
FOX’s "Martin."

Cancellation-in-sight

4. FOX’s now defunct "Fortune Hunter." The series followed
"Dial, Carlton Dial" on his James Bondesque missions.

He’s a very poor take off on the sexy original. He’s got a
number, a gun that shoots tranquilizers, he goes all over the world
chasing rich bad guys, he’s got technological gadgets to help him
out of situations and he almost always gets the girl. Sound
familiar? It’s not just that the writing’s unrealistic, it’s that
the story is predictable. So, if you’ve ever seen a James Bond
film, you’ve practically seen every episode of "Fortune
Hunter."

3.The annoying Detective Ray Vecchio and Mountie Benton Fraser
fail in the cop show "Due South.". Not just your basic "good cop,
bad cop" scenario, the show’s "crabby-detective meets thick as a
brick good-boy" premise just doesn’t cut it.

Fraser has moved to Chicago from Canada to help the police
force. The good-natured and well dressed Fraser clashes with the
snide and pimp-like Vecchio.

Although the plots make for an interesting hour, their quibbling
becomes redundant and tiring. Fraser’s good-natured stupidity also
makes it very unlikely that he would have the intelligence to
discover the guilty party. If you want a good cop show, you’re
better off watching repeats of "Dragnet" or the new season of "NYPD
Blue."

2. Billed as the first Asian sitcom, ABC’s "All-American Girl"
hoped to create a winner by attaching itself to Margaret Cho’s
funny stand-up comedy. Boy did they have the wrong idea. Although
the comedy is unique because all the principal characters are
played by Asian actors, basically the sitcom itself merely rehashes
old ideas.

The script forces Cho, who is much better live and uncensored,
to go by the scripted corn that’s so frequent in today’s sitcoms.
The show doesn’t live up to the potential of a fresh idea.

1. Drumroll, please, for the worst of fall’s lineup, FOX’s
"Hardball." Dumb doesn’t even begin to describe this show.
Following a baseball team’s antics in the bullpen and on the field,
"Hardball" unfortunately doesn’t do anything new.

You’ve got the seasoned catcher, the rookie, several other
players who can’t win, the manager who’s convinced God is the
reason behind their losses, and a mascot with an attitude. The only
character who’s a bit out of the ordinary is the publicist who’s
trying to give the team a new persona. Although she’s fun and
unlike the rest of the boring crew, she still doesn’t have anything
interesting to say either.

There you are, this year’s best and dimmest. If you’re still
unsure of what to watch, this will help you decide what shows are
important enough to put studying on hold for an hour or so.