Dear Guerrero, I am writing to ask you to consider terminating the basketball contract of a certain member of our esteemed university. This “colleague” has, for the past several years, performed far below its natural ability. Frankly, I am not one hundred percent sure what can be done to alleviate this situation, but allow me […]
Author Archives: Eli Karon
Bruin gymnasts continue to impress
If you were fortunate enough to miss the NFL playoffs on Sunday in favor of an afternoon in Pauley Pavilion, you witnessed “the most talented gymnastics team in the history of the NCAA.” Head coach Valorie Kondos-Field supported her bold preseason assertion, guiding UCLA to a dominant win in the Bruin Classic against UC Davis, […]
Axing coach after early celebration is unfair
Our waiter told us, “If you need me, just throw something at me, and I will come running. “Unless it is during an important part of the game, in which case I will be glued to the TV.” He was wearing a Philadelphia Eagles jersey, but the game that was on was the Titans v. […]
Defensive line twins prove they know how to have a Ball
I was sitting at Spaulding field watching the football team practice when a couple of sweaty Balls walked toward me ““ twin defensive ends and sack specialists Dave and Mat Ball. To be honest with you, sports fans, it’s very easy to incorporate their last name into perverse sentences. However, each of the Ball brothers […]
Women’s gymnastics outperforms Oregon
For the UCLA women’s gymnastics team, it could have been the ideal winter break. After all, who would turn down a chance to be in Corvallis, Ore. in late December? Instead, No. 1 UCLA faced off against No. 13 Oregon State in Hawaii to kick off the collegiate gymnastics season. In traveling to the tropics, […]
The Team puts unique spin on game of golf
The first rule of The Team is that everybody talks about The Team. From there, the rules get more and more absurd. Then again, with the people that make up this group, anything less than ridiculous would be uncivilized. Strap on a golf glove, lace up your shoes, and get ready to hit the links […]
True sports fans will “˜take one for the team’
I am sick and tired of hearing USC fans talk about their three straight victories over UCLA, just like I am sick and tired of hearing Dick Vitale after only one game of his obnoxious commentary. Being a Bruin supporter has not been easy over the past few years, sports fans. That’s why it is […]