Thursday, October 23, 1997
Putting ‘Beer Games’ to the test involves lots of drinking
COLUMN: Review for book requires exciting nights with
alcohol
Though my last column gave the impression that I have something
against consumers of the college nectar, beer, I endeavor to put
those delusions to rest. In fact, I love beer.
It has warmed up many a cold night for me, and allowed me to
befriend several true companions headed on their paths to an early
career of barflydom. And, as my compadres and myself have always
been more fond of quantity than quality when it comes to the
delicious, frothy brew, I became delighted with the suggestion to
review "Beer Games 2," a cheesy humor book written by four
ex-fraternity members.
In order to begin the evening of ruthless tests placed on the
beer guzzling games at hand, several constituents first had to be
met. To begin with, the alcoholics had to be assembled to enjoy the
festivities. Then, proper beer shirts had to be in place.
For example, I wore a striped Killian’s Red biker shirt I had
purchased two summers ago at a garage sale for a quarter, while Liz
sported a Mickey’s T-shirt which she had sent away for off the back
of a 40. We all had our stupid drinking caps flipped backwards or
off to the side, to indicate the lack of coherency soon to come,
and made sure not to add any extra makeup. The preparation for
getting sloppy drunk had thus been achieved.
Then, we of course had to purchase the two cheap 12-packs of
Rainier, $3.99 apiece from Ralph’s gourmet liquor collection, and
invited over two more sloshed reviewers who supplied their own
tasteless ale. As we assembled around the living room table;
lukewarm can o’ fun in one hand, beer game book in the other, we
popped in the Beastie Boys and began the grueling session.
Fortunately, we all kept brief notes from the evening to aid me in
my research. It is from these notes that I now attempt to re-create
the mood and opinions of all present on that important
occasion.
We begin with a simple game entitled "Drink It!" For this event,
one person asks another a question which can be answered with one
or two words. Then, the person asking the question must spell out
the word as the other person takes a chug for every letter of the
answer they give. Let us reference our notes to see how the game
went over.
Tana: "Liz, what’s the longest word you know?"
Liz: Supercalifragilisticexpiatlidocious. But can you spell
it?"
Tana proceeds to write out the word. Is this sort of activity
allowed? The book fails to stipulate. Liz proceeds to drink out
what Tana has decided is a 35-letter word. The game is decidedly
below the group’s high standards. To quote Liz, "This game was way
too simple! Drunks aren’t stupid!" Adds Tana; "This game sucks."
The scholars have all agreed. At the same time, my notes indicate
that "I burped." Enough said.
The next event, "Dice of Death," evoked some discrepancy amongst
players. Tana claimed it to be "too complex" while Terrence tried
to explain the rules. In the meantime, Alan had this to say of the
confusing dice rolling game: "It’s meant to go on until everyone
very drunk. If at sea, probably puke a lot."
However, the best summation of attempts at this sport came from
Liz, who noted, "Bad game! Three Man is better!" So, with that, we
moved onto the dice-rolling extravaganza, "Three Man."
Here’s what I had to say of this event : "I’m confused. I’m
drinking, so it’s making me a little more confused than normal, but
it’s mostly just that I’m always confused. I’ll just follow along
and let them tell me what to do."
Confusing? Yes, indeed. However, Terrence felt that "’Three Man’
rules!" while Liz claimed it to be "the best drinking game."
Meanwhile, Alan’s notes seem to have become less decipherable
around this time, with the words "quick inebriation" and "perhaps
fun – or sickening" just barely readable. As a side note, I
mentioned once again how I burped, and included that "I’m going to
do a piece on how many times I burp." The research appears to be
running excellently.
Next on the list is "Jerry’s Kids," where the player in question
throws coins on the table and drinks for every head they throw out
and dishes out a drink for every tail.
"So simple I love it!" Tana exclaims. "It’s the first game out
of the book I like. But I guess if you get to keep one game out of
a book then it’s worthwhile."
Even Alan notes, "Fun for all retarded drinking ages." The game
is deemed a definite keeper.
Soon, we find ourselves amidst the last game of the evening,
"Bite the Bag." In this event, a brown paper bag sits on the floor
as players take turns chugging beer, then attempt to pick the bag
up with their mouths. The trick is, they can’t touch the ground
with anything but their feet and after each round, a strip is
ripped off the top of the bag.
My initial comment: "I like stupid games!"
Tana: "Think about it, dude, soon you’ll be kissin’ floor! It’ll
be fuckin’ funny!"
Terrence flails and falls as he makes for the bag in a
stupor.
Tana: "Imagine 20 of our asshole friends just eatin’ it! That’ll
be great!"
Me: "You’re right! We just keep getting closer to the floor!" It
took me a while to catch on.
Tana: "That’s why it’s so hard! Picture 20 people watching! The
book is worth buying just for this game!"
Hence, the results had come in. "Beer Games 2" was decided a
worthwhile read, while all were in agreement that further research
the next two nights would surely be in order. Unfortunately, no
material was gathered over those grueling sessions to share with
readers, and many events were forgotten in the course of finishing
off other 12 packs.
VanderZanden is a third-year English student.