Tuesday, October 7, 1997
The art of theatergoing is a skill to be cherished
THEATER: Don’t bring food, be on time, and give standing ‘O’s’
sparingly
By Stephanie Sheh
For some it is the door-to-door salesman, for others it is a
driver who does not signal, but for me, the thing that really bugs
is an ignorant theatergoer. Yep, you read correctly – ignorant
theatergoers really get my panties in a bunch. So I am here to
educate you pathetic little Hollywood-fed non-cultured Angelenos
… and take notes! No, you will not be tested on it later, but
trust me: This is for your betterment as a human being. Geez, is
everything about grades for you college students?!
Before we start, I must clarify one frequent misconception:
Going to the theater is not the same as going to the movies.
Granted, you sit in a darkened theater with a bunch of strangers
for several hours expecting to be entertained by a good story and
talented actors. However, theater is live acting. OK, once again,
closed-captioned for the thinking impaired: Theater is live acting.
Let it be your mantra. Therefore, for the audience, the actors and
the performance’ sake, a certain amount of etiquette is
required.
Okey dokey, let us begin. Lesson One: Do not bring food into the
theater. No milk duds. No red vines. No jujubees. This follows
along with the mantra we learned earlier – that is correct, all
together now, "Theater is live acting." I cannot begin to tell you
how distracting it is for an actress who’s trying to pour her heart
into a performance when she looks out into the audience and sees
her friends from The Bruin shoveling enormous amounts of fried rice
into their mouths adding insult upon injury because they already
arrived late and had to walk on stage with the actors making their
entrances in order to get to their seats to watch her perform in
"Henry V," which will run through this coming weekend at the Rose
Theater, 318 Lincoln Blvd., Venice. … Damn you, Emily!!!
Bitter? Me? No, not bitter at all.
Let us continue with the lesson.
Speaking of tardiness, you really should not arrive late to the
theater either. I mean, it is not very polite. (Yeah, that means
you, Emily, Cheryl and Matt. But I digress …) I would say get
there at least a good 15 to 20 minutes before the show starts. Some
places will not let you into the theater if you are late. You must
keep in mind that you have to have time to find your seats and get
comfortable.
But do not get too comfortable, which brings us around to Lesson
Three: Know how to dress. For instance, do not wear jeans if you
are going to a large production of "Phantom of the Opera" or "Miss
Saigon." Generally, if the show is at the Ahmanson, Schubert or
Geffen, leave your jeans and Birkenstocks at home. However, if it
is at a small theater in …oh … let us say in Venice, like the
Rose Theater (which, by the way, I overheard is housing a very
spectacular version of "Henry V"), you may dress casually, but
casual does not mean homeless style. No shoes, no shirt, no
service. If you cannot get served at McDonald’s, you probably
should not be sitting in a theater.
At the other end, there is such a thing as overdressing for the
theater. I mean, I know you want to get as much use out of those
prom dresses as possible, but the theater is really not the place
for those neon-colored pouffy puffs with excessive amounts of
overly large bows everywhere. Here’s a hint: they are called prom
dresses for a reason. Besides, who really wants to regress to high
school?
All right. Up until now we have been going over the basics – you
know, Theater Etiquette 100. Now, I want to discuss the trap that
even the best theatergoers can fall into – the art of the standing
ovation. The standing ovation originated around 410 B.C. when
Ancient Baccalahniastudepromethiuspis (whose ancestors were the
first theatergoers) was so moved by the performance he was watching
that he had a heart attack. In the midst of his convulsions, he
stood up and screamed, but the others in the amphitheater thought
he was just praising the excellent show (which was indeed most
excellent) that they all got to their feet and cheered, leaving
poor Baccalahniastudepromethiuspis (they called him Baka for short)
to die of coronary problems.
This leads us to the our very last but most important lesson.
Only give standing ovations to those productions that merit them.
Do not stand for just good productions. Do not stand for just OK
productions. And for the love of God, if it’s crap, stay in your
seat. This is not a ballgame! Sit down! Sit down, you conformists!
Do not give in to peer pressure! I do not care how many around you
are staring at you glaring at you thinking, "Who is this pompous,
short, chubby Asian girl who won’t stand up? What is wrong with
her? I bet she doesn’t recycle." I don’t care if your friends
threaten to never go to the theater with you again. Who needs those
kinds of friends? This is an issue of morality. Only stand when you
love every aspect of the performance and show.
This will conclude our lesson for today. I am sorry if I have
been a little harsh with you, but it is for your own good. And
please, do not do like you do with most of the other stuff you
learn at UCLA. Do not forget it. Go out and use what you have
learned. Theater etiquette is an applied science. All right, class
dismissed.
Oh, and feel free to give this column a standing ovation.
Third-year communications student Stephanie Sheh can be found
still obsessing over anime at club meetings (which are Tuesday
nights in 51 Kinsey). Also, she can currently be seen in "Henry V"
at the Rose Theater. For more information, call 310-207-7089. Don’t
you just love shameless plugs?