Retain your sanity; beat post-Bowl boredom

I know why people throw Super Bowl parties. It is for the same
reason winter is considered an extremely depressing season. This is
the season when, toward the end of January (or early February this
year), the world of sports goes into hibernation.

The season is so dull that people start going crazy. They
absolutely lose it once the commercials that debuted on Super Bowl
Sunday are shown more than once during commercial breaks of the
Clippers v. Hawks game one week later.

Charles Dickens is more exciting than the sports on television
once the Super Bowl ends. Some folks would rather go to lecture
than watch NBA games, and it gets really bad when hockey becomes
something we watch for more than the 0.5 seconds it takes the
digital cable to respond to the remote.

Clothing designers are affected, deciding to mix ridiculous
combinations of garb to fill the void left by baseball and
football. How do you think the mini-skirt and Ugg Boots ensemble
took off? 

With no baseball, no college football, and no professional
football, what is a fan to do? I don’t have all the answers,
but merely some suggestions of how to stay occupied during this
sporting drought, sports fans.

1. Get a large group of people together. Have someone write a
number between one and 100 on a piece of paper, put the piece of
paper in a paper bag, and close the bag. Then have each member of
the group say a number between one and 100, recording who picked
each number. Finally, reveal the original number. The person
closest to the number wins. (Abide by “The Price is
Right” rules: If you go over, you are disqualified.)

The winner then selects one person to drink a few shots of
vodka, eat a large helping of borscht, drape the flag of the former
Soviet Union across his or her body, and accompany the entire group
to a crowded movie theater. As a group, watch Disney’s
“Miracle,” a movie about the improbable U.S. hockey
victory over Russia in the 1980 Olympics. When the movie ends, the
chosen one must stand up and scream, “It was fixed! It was a
fix! Long live communism!!!”

2. Make like Desmon Farmer and attend a USC home basketball
game. Who cares if the Trojans aren’t playing UCLA? Desmon
didn’t seem to mind rearing his ugly head when we played
Michigan State in Pauley Pavilion. I know I’m not the only
one who saw him dancing around like a fool. This would be an
especially fun activity to do if you are either a.) Rodney Leisle,
b.) big and scary like Rodney Leisle, or c.) small and skinny
but have big and scary friends (like Rodney Leisle) to accompany
you.

3. Camp out for the Feb. 7 basketball game against Washington.
Usually people do not camp out for the Washington St. or Washington
games. However, since the Washington game is on a Saturday, UCLA
officials will think you are camping out for Thursday night’s
game against Washington St. And while they may not be pleased they
showed up at Pauley Pavilion at 6 a.m. intending to give you a
priority pass to Thursday’s game, you know deep down they
will be impressed by your dedication to the team.

4. Here’s one from a buddy ““ I’m not mean
enough to think of this. Go to a UCLA home basketball game. Since
you are at a game, you may as well get involved.

Buy a bag of M&M’s and wait until a yell leader sets
up in front of your section. When he or she raises the bullhorn to
lead a cheer, take aim and let fire.

Let me make something clear: Do not throw M&M’s at the
yell leaders. Instead, turn his or her bullhorn into a basket and
shoot. Create your own three-point shooting competition.

First one to make seven M&M’s in the bullhorn wins,
blue M&M’s are worth double (money ball).

E-mail Karon your boredom busters at
ekaron@media.ucla.edu.

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