Ahh, Valentine’s Day. Normally it’s a day for
celebration of all the things you love, but I woke up Saturday
morning with a pain in my heart. Was I recently dumped? Nope. I had
to watch UCLA play basketball.
You see, it’s hard for me to watch the Bruins. Sometimes
they play well, but for the most part they don’t. And it
isn’t just the fact that they lose games, it’s how they
lose them.
Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about beauty, but there
just isn’t anything more ugly right now than seeing Bruin
basketball. My weary soul can’t handle much more of this.
I’ll take you, if you dare, through the highlights and
lowlights of the game. But I must warn you ““ it is not for
the faint of heart.
16:53 ““ The Bruins are winning, 13-12.
12:55 ““ The Bruins are losing, 34-17. Arizona guard Salim
Stoudamire, it would seem, is possessed by the spirit of the
basketball gods and cannot miss anything. Meanwhile, UCLA is
turning the ball over like turnovers are going out of style.
Arizona’s Chris Rodgers is hounding the ball on defense, and
the Bruins are frantic.
12:06 ““ A graphic comes on the screen to tell me UCLA is
shooting 73 percent. That’s great! Arizona is shooting 75
percent. D’oh.
9:03 ““ Wow, textbook tackle from Brian Morrison. Perfect
downfield blocking form. He lowered his shoulder and really put a
lick into the Arizona backfield. Oh wait, my bad. This is
basketball. Sorry.
7:04 ““ Back-to-back three-pointers from Dijon Thompson
bring the Bruins within six points, 41-35. They’re rebounding
well, playing defense, and if this hot shooting keeps up … wow,
who knows?
1:35 ““ 48-46, and Mr. Momentum is clearly working for the
team in baby blue and gold. Arizona big-man Channing Frye is on the
bench with foul trouble, which means he can’t drop 26 on UCLA
like he did last time. And it also means the lane is wide open; the
Wildcats are forced to go with a small lineup, and the Bruins just
might earn a little national respect.
Halftime ““ I missed that. I blinked. What just happened?
The scoreboard says 58-46. Arizona scored 10 points in a minute?
Did UCLA even get a shot off? Let me check my notes … oh yeah, it
says Trevor Ariza had an offensive foul, the Bruins had three other
turnovers, and Rodgers made three baskets in a period of like 35
seconds. That is tragically funny.
16:58 ““ Back-to-back baskets by T.J. Cummings and Trevor
Ariza cut the lead to 61-55. Arizona calls timeout. Things are
looking up again.
14:00 ““ The lead looks like it’s starting to get out
of control. Frye is establishing himself, and Stoudamire
can’t be freaking stopped. The guy is launching from three
feet behind the arc and nailing everything.
13:37 ““ With the Bruins down 73-60, my roommate has a
rather incisive comment not only on the game, but on the season as
a whole:
“Why do they look like they don’t know what
they’re doing?” he asks me with a straight face.
I have no answers. Neither does Ben Howland.
11:44 ““ Stoudamire, the shortest player on the court, gets
an offensive rebound and putback over Thompson and Ryan Hollins.
Howland is nonplussed.
5:14 ““ The last five minutes have been some of the most
catastrophically awful basketball I have had the great misfortune
ever to watch. The Wildcats are up, 93-73. When the Bruins actually
get the ball on their side of the court, they’re sometimes
able to score. But boy, inbounding the ball and then dribbling it
up the court is awfully tough. Especially when the other guys are
pressing you. I can only imagine what conversation during
UCLA’s timeout entailed:
“Coach, they’re guarding us tough.
They’re pressing us, coach.”
“Anyone have a plane ticket back to Pittsburgh? Is it too
late to get my old job back? They’ve got 20 wins already, you
know.”
3:00 ““ Stoudamire scores his 110th point of the
game. Back-to-back three-pointers from no closer than 23 feet.
Show off.
1:07 ““ The score is 108-81, and I’m proud to
announce that at least one good thing has emerged from the
wreckage. Cedric Bozeman’s
“both-hands-resting-on-top-of-the-head, shoulders-slumped,
spirit-crushed, looking-totally-stunned” face has been
officially inducted into the Hall of Fame of Faces, taking its
rightful place among other noteworthy faces such as Yao
Ming’s “I-have-no-idea-what-you-just-asked-me”
face, and Red Sox fans’
“The-Yankees-just-signed-Arod-and-I’m-going-to-kill-myself”
face.
I turned off the television with a sigh, my poor heart once
again stressed and strained by Bruin basketball. But, I take note
of the fact that in order to feel the hurt, it must mean that I do
indeed have a heart. Unlike the Bruins.
Yuhl spent his Valentine’s day with Stalin. What did
you do? E-mail him at cyuhl@media.ucla.edu.