The perfect vacation: hoops and Bend
If you’re like me, you start looking forward to Spring Break
about this time every Winter quarter. Day two, week one  yup,
that’s about all the schooling I can handle before the daydreams
hit town.
In that vein, today I want to offer you a bit of advice on
making travel plans for your late-March week of catharsis and
inebriation. I’ve got the perfect spot, a heavenly hideaway where
you’ll forget all your sorrows and your spirit will be rejuvenated.
Trust me, I was just there.
New York? Oh, no, the people are way too friendly. Florida?
Hell, no, the sun actually shines there. Havasu? Who in their right
mind wants to spend a week on a houseboat in the middle of a
refreshing lake?
No, I’m talking about the Milwaukee of the West, Toledo without
the charm. Pack your bags, kids, you’re headed to … Bend, Oregon.
That’s right, travelers, it’ll be the trip of a lifetime, ranking
right up there with your last, exciting road trip to Fresno. We’re
talking unforgettable.
You think Hawaii sounds more appetizing? Yeah, well, you can
have your sun, surf and sand. I’ll take Bend and its ice, mice and
lice.
Make your reservations early for the five-star hotel on the
downtown strip: The Dunes Motel. You won’t regret it  it’s
the quality establishment with (I’m not making this up) heavy shag
carpeting on the walls, brown artificial turf on the doors, a
malfunctioning ventilation system that fluctuates your room
temperature from approximately 15 degrees to upwards of 93 and,
needless to say, free Showtime.
For evening entertainment, Bend is second-to-none. At least once
 personally, I would probably keep going back every night
 you’ve got to hit the local hot-spot, the hangout of
hangouts: the bowling alley. Specifically, it’s called Sun Mountain
Lanes  the place where everyone’s your friend if you’re
Caucasian, the pick-up lines all include some reference to
automobile maintenance and the pin-setting machines manage to drop
two or three pins every frame (now I ask you, where else on earth
can you go to bowl, hit only seven pins, and still get a strike?
What a vacation, huh?).
I must warn you, if Sun Mountain is your destination, do your
best to disguise your California-ness. Cut some holes in your
jeans, put on your Copenhagen hat and rub some brake fluid on your
cheeks  trust me, you’ll fit in a lot better. Because if they
find out you’re from the state to the south, you’ve got serious
problems. This is the kind of place where the biggest insult is
getting called a "California faggot." Of course, if you’re a
"California faggot" who drinks imported beer, that’s cause for a
riot.
Now, over Spring Break, the main challenge will be finding a
spot to watch tournament games. In Bend, that’s no problem. Just
drive on over to the nearest hick bar (any corner in town), take a
seat and take in all the excitement on the 12-inch black-and-white
over the bartender’s shoulder.
I had no such problem. I sandwiched my Bend holiday between two
real-live basketball games, UCLA at Oregon and Oregon State. There
was a cartload of driving involved  Bend is a little out of
the way  but, boy howdy, it was well worth it.
As for the basketball, well, the visitors left a little to be
desired in Thursday night’s come-from-ahead-to-lose effort against
the Ducks. With plenty on the line  this week’s No. 1
ranking, a fast start in the conference  the Bruins fell flat
at the Pit. They must’ve been out late hitting all the bitchin’
Eugene nightclubs. Oh, wait, then they would’ve been in by 11
o’clock.
Anyway, for some reason, the Bruins pretty much chunked it in
their Pac-10 opener. They lost a game they shouldn’t have lost to a
team that didn’t play nearly well enough to defeat the virtual No.1
team in the country. But, somehow, all that happened.
This is not to say UCLA deserved to win the game. Down the
stretch, the Bruins made more dumb plays than there are rednecks
with bad haircuts at a Corvallis truck rally.
I’m just saying that losing Thursday  especially because
of the way it went down and in light of the stakes  was a
major bummer. I felt sick-to-my-stomach upset, kind of like what
Oregon fans must feel after watching their cheerleaders dance.
But let’s all dry our tears. Losing to Oregon (ouch) in the
Pac-10 opener (oucher) and losing the No. 1 ranking (ouchest) is
really not as bad as it seems. This team, after all, needs nothing
less than another meaningless distraction like the top ranking. You
might recall what happened last season when the honor was bestowed
upon Westwood for the first time in the Jim Harrick era: the Bruins
went in the tank. We don’t need that to happen again.
Hearing some of the players talk after the Oregon game, I got
the feeling that perhaps they don’t want to be top-ranked. Too much
pressure, too little reward. They learned that lesson in 1994. No.
1? Been there, done that, and, to tell you the truth, it kinda
sucked.
"Last year, we got there," said assistant coach Lorenzo Romar.
"And it was an achievement. Now I think we all understand that it’s
being No. 1 at the end that matters. And that’s all that
matters."
Well, not exactly. Regular-season rankings do matter a little
bit. UCLA needs to stay up high enough to garner a No. 1 seed in
the tournament. But that’s about all the polls are good for. "Last
year, No. 1 mattered," UCLA’s Ed O’Bannon said. "This year, it
doesn’t. Not at all. No. 1 is at the end. I don’t care nothing
about No. 1."
The rankings do matter in some sports, football foremost among
them. One ugly loss like Thursday’s and your favorite college
footballers would be completely out of the national championship
picture. (Of course, at UCLA, we qualify for the "completely out"
category sometime around August).
On the other hand, in hoops, we all know that’s not the case.
One ugly loss is just that: an ugly loss. In basketball, you
actually get to learn from your losses, rather than just lament
them.
I doubt many of you were in the mood for learning from
Thursday’s loss, especially in light of the poll position within
grasp. But last time I checked, none of you were lacing up the
Reeboks and climbing into your ankle-length parachute drawers to
play for this club. And for the 13 fellows that are, a surrendered
chance at the top ranking means nothing when compared with the loss
itself. "I think the ranking is for the fans and the students,"
O’Bannon said after the Oregon State win. "They all like to say,
‘Yeah, we’re No. 1 in the country,’ and all that. As far as it goes
for us, we’re just looking to play, play hard and leave all the
rankings stuff to the people who get excited about it."
Of course, if this team plays, plays hard, etc., the profound
majority of the time it will win. At least it should. And in light
of their fairly strong bounce-back in Corvallis Saturday, the
Bruins and their fans should not be terribly worried.
And, you know, if they’re going to lose, it might as well be
against Oregon at Mac Court. Where else can you have the pleasure
of witnessing thousands of quacking dorks storm the court and
literally punch and intentionally trample the defeated team? I
mean, what a joy! Such class, such elegance in victory.
But, hey, give ’em a break. They just needed to get some
frustration out. Like O’Bannon said afterward (with just a smidge
of bitterness), "They need something to celebrate. They didn’t win
the Rose Bowl, so they need something."
They sure do. In a human sense, you’ve really got to feel sorry
for those Oregon people. After all, they’ve got live with
themselves for the rest of the year.