I spent this past holiday weekend out of town, like many people
across the country and at UCLA. Instead of visiting family,
however, I was in Keystone, Colo., for my friend Ken’s
wedding.
And really, I learned a lot of things this weekend. But aside
from the impermanence of youth and all that sentimental junk, I
realized something else.
The cable network G4’s retooled airing of “Star
Trek” reruns, which it calls “Star Trek 2.0,”
really sucks.
A lot.
G4 recently acquired the rights to rerun episodes of the
“Star Trek” original series (which had previously run
on the Sci-Fi Channel), but the network decided to take this one
step further.
Instead of simply airing the same episodes that Sci-Fi did, G4
claimed that it would not only air the original episodes in their
entirety (as apparently they had been sullied in their syndicated
form for the past 30 years or so), but also add a stirring
interactive component to the show.
What this basically amounts to is the ability to
“interact” with the show online as it airs, taking part
in things like “The Spock Market,” which involves
receiving a set amount of credits and being able to set a sort of
imaginary stock market on items from the “Trek”
universe (such as dilithium crystals). It’s like “World
of Warcraft,” except you’re interacting with a static,
40-year-old television show instead of a constantly changing video
game world.
“Star Trek 2.0″ also includes things such as live
chat, which is projected on television during the airing of the
show, and “Trek Facts,” which show up on the left side
of the screen and reveal things such as the number of times the
Enterprise went into red alert during the original series’
run. This is all well and good, except the same facts repeat over
and over continuously.
On screen, this is just one giant mess. It looks like the
bastard child of CNN Headline News, “Pop-Up Video,”
“TRL” and an embarrassing late-night session spent in a
“Star Trek” chat room obsessing over the utter
awesomeness of “Star Trek: Voyager” crew member Seven
of Nine’s rack.
If, God forbid, you actually try to watch the show, good luck
figuring out what the hell is going on. You’ll deal with not
only reduced image size, but also obnoxious sidebars and the fact
that all the moving letters and numbers are up in your grill worse
than some old man at LAX who feels the need to lecture you on World
War II and its aftermath after you realize you’ve forgotten
your iPod at home, leaving no chance of ignoring him (not that that
happened this weekend).
I don’t see why G4 felt the need to do this. What so
completely baffles me about this is that, if anything, it takes the
focus off the show itself. And if I’ve learned anything in my
life, it’s that Trekkies are some of the most passionate fans
out there (seriously, how else did “Enterprise” get a
fourth season on UPN?) who would rather die than not pay full
attention to an episode of “Star Trek.”
I’ll admit, the “Spock Market” is mildly
amusing, but let’s be serious here. If I want to watch
“Star Trek” reruns now, I have two choices: I can shell
out money for the obnoxiously overpriced “Star Trek”
season DVD boxed sets (which usually go for at least $100, even
more outrageous than HBO DVDs), or I can watch G4 and be distracted
by some Star Trek nerd commenting on Nichelle Nichols’
luscious lips while Kirk fights for his life on Rigel IV, because
seemingly every episode involves a crew member or members fighting
to the death in gladiatorial combat, usually against a close
friend. Look it up.
Then again, maybe we can see it this way: Perhaps the
MTV-obsessed “Pop-Up Video” fan has more in common with
the Trekkie than we thought. After all, some of the comments that
show up on “Trek 2.0″ from people with names like
“Suspended Animation” look like they could be right out
of the “TRL” crawl. Perhaps our generation’s
upbringing based on music video-style editing and a reliance on the
Internet has made us similar in our demeanors.
In the end, we all love AIM and Internet-speak, and we may even
love seeing live chat on screen if it deals with something
we’re interested in (and for every sports fan out there who
would make fun of a Trekkie for this, remember your taunts the next
time you read a chat transcript by an ESPN Insider or Bill
Simmons’ mailbag).
So in that respect, I guess this is the next logical step for
cult audiences: finding a way to adapt to changes in culture and
technology, if only to continue to appeal to younger
generations.
But that doesn’t make seeing some nerd type “OMG,
KIRK GOT PWNED” on screen during an episode any more
acceptable.
Humphrey thinks those in charge of “Star Trek”
should pretend “Voyager” and “Enterprise”
never happened, much like “Superman Returns” director
Bryan Singer feigns ignorance of “Superman 3″ and
“Superman 4.” E-mail him at
mhumphrey@media.ucla.edu.