I can’t wait to graduate.
Unlike many of my fellow seniors, I have a coherent plan to
succeed in the real world. And the best part about the whole thing
is that my future profession is going to be a nonstop barrel of fun
and laughs.
And before anyone says, “You’re a film student, have
fun getting a job,” listen to what I have to say.
Because my future profession has nothing to do with the
entertainment industry.
After graduation, I intend to submit my resume to as many
low-level office positions as possible. Because if my repeated
viewings of NBC’s “The Office” have shown me
anything, it’s that paper-pushing is where it’s at.
I never realized the fun of an office setting until I watched
this show. Sure, I loved “Office Space,” but that was
different. In that movie, Initech didn’t look like a fun
place to work. Far from it. Who would want to work for Bill
Lumbergh? It’d be fun to mess with him, I guess, but his
responses are so one-note and monotone that it’d get old
after a few weeks.
No, the difference is that I would love working at
Dunder-Mifflin, simply because every single person in the office
would provide me with hours of entertainment.
Having someone as odd as Creed working in the office would
provide nonstop uneasy chuckles, such as when Pam wore a revealing
blouse and Creed stood at her desk staring. “I’m just
looking,” he said. When she asked him to leave, he replied,
“I’ll be done in a minute.” Who wouldn’t
want to work in an office with this madness?
The best part, however, is no one seems to do any actual
work.
Take the most recent episode, “The Merger.” As new
employees try to blend in with old, one asks when the employees do
actual work. Phyllis replies that they “find time during the
day.”
Of course, the reason they have to “find time” is
the main reason I would want to work there ““ the wacky
boss.
For as awkward and obnoxious as Michael Scott is, if he were my
boss I would relish going to work every day. Sure, his employees
seem miserable, but I’m not sure they’re truly aware of
what they have.
Michael is a big kid in the worst possible ways. He’s
petty, selfish, unintentionally insensitive to the point of being
delusional and, perhaps worst of all, has delusions of grandeur
with respect to his comic skill.
Call me crazy, but that sounds awesome.
There would never be a dull moment in that office.
You’d have your boss consistently getting sent to
sensitivity training or sexual harassment seminars.
You’d have to constantly deal with the hysterical
repercussions of your boss “boning” his corporate boss
(which actually just consists of a drunken make-out sesh).
Or perhaps your boss would tout his history as a “child
actor” and show off footage so colossally
embarrassing/depressing/hilarious that you don’t know whether
to laugh or cringe.
And there would be the uproarious days when your boss
inadvertently outs a gay employee, leading to sensitivity training
where your boss attempts to kiss the employee in a misguided
attempt to show that it’s okay to be gay.
The fun would never end.
Let’s face it ““ working in an office with a typical
boss would be frighteningly boring. Especially if he were actually
a compassionate, caring person. What’s the fun in that?
The last thing I want to do is sit in my chair, typing away, and
have my boss walk over, pat me on the back, and say, “Good
work, Mark. You’re a valuable part of this company and I
cherish your contributions.”
Borrrrrrrring.
Wouldn’t it be a lot more interesting if your boss walked
over, slyly said hello, and then proceeded to scream and throw your
papers and files everywhere, as Michael and Dwight did to
accounting in an episode last season? Yeah, it’s annoying,
I’ll give you that. But what are the negative
consequences?
I’ll tell you: There aren’t any! What’s your
boss going to do, fire you for something he did?
Er, wait.
That probably is something Michael Scott would do.
Send your best “That’s What She Said” joke
to Humphrey at mhumphrey@media.ucla.edu.