In this world, there are those blessed people who are lucky enough to rid themselves of exes with the end of a relationship. However, many of us dating within the surprisingly small world of Los Angeles ““ and the UCLA campus in particular ““ do not have nearly as much luck.
Hence, the opportunity for an erotic rerun with an ex is almost inevitable. But true skills are required in taking this walk down memory lane.
I’ve had my share of exes. I’ve been in love four times, dated eight or nine losers and feel as though I can booty call about half of the people I’ve had sex with. But sex with my exes has led me down two different paths.
With my most recent ex-boyfriend, I realized our emotional connection was based completely on sex. After recognizing that I never really gave my whole heart to him, I decided to take advantage of his sexual expertise.
Opening my eyes to a new experience with a guy from the past broadened my sexual horizon. Climax was easy, no fighting or unnecessary conversation occurred, and we both understood the purely physical connection that resulted.
However, not all sex with an ex will make that smooth of a jump from committed relationship to no-tell, no-strings brief encounter. Both parties must be careful with the tricky act of sex with an ex.
One must find a way to balance two completely different feelings ““ feeling completely numb to emotional attachment while allowing full pleasure to seep through. When this balance is not achieved, two results occur.
Either the orgasm is explosive and the sex so amazing that realizing you don’t have it anymore makes you want to lock yourself in a room and sit in the dark, or the sex could be horrible ““ like missionary bunny rabbit bang, bang, bang sex ““ and you realize you’re an idiot who just wasted your time having awful sex with an ex.
Careful recognition of this act as purely sex can keep either displeasing outcome from occurring.
This is where the irony of the act stems. On one hand, sex with an ex is usually easy to obtain. The history allows the participants to skip the awkward beginning phases of a physically intimate relationship. But on the other hand, all that history makes for quite a bit of baggage that could ruin the physical union.
If you think this moment of passion will act as a reminder of what the two of you shared and serve as a possibility of rekindling the relationship, I have a few words of advice: Don’t go there. The emotional strings that develop as a result are not worth the 20 minutes (or less) of lust.
And if you are at a point in your life where it is necessary to your mental health to get laid and relieve some stress, proceed with caution.
If you want to have sex with someone who already knows what is going on down there, it makes sense to be with someone who has frolicked in your area.
Also, if you desire to keep from increasing your dreaded “number,” then, by all means, go for it. Just make sure to relax and remember: It’s just sex. Get yours, give them theirs (only if you are willing to be polite) and get out.
So make sure you pick an ex with whom the sex was great, if not the best you have ever had. This ensures the least chance of remorse post-nookie, because who regrets a good orgasm?
But most of all, don’t ever forget that this person is an ex and an ex for a reason. People don’t generally change dramatically enough to make a once-failed relationship work.
Clear, concise and minimal communication is required for successful sex with an ex. The only reason for a postcoital sleepover should be the possibility of awesome morning sex the next day.
So remember to relax, enjoy and quickly move forward. You wouldn’t want your impulsive decision to follow you in any other form but pure, post-sex shivers.
If you’d rather talk to Forde instead of your ex, e-mail her at nforde@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments to viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.