The sexual drought: a fear for many and a way of life for some.
At this age, breaking up has become a habit, something so standard that people are beginning to avoid the idea of relationships to save themselves from the inconvenience and hurt that comes with the inevitable split.
However, this transition phase to a single state from an attached one does not need to be negative. As a single girl in my twenties, I consciously remind myself all the time that I am not just one half of a whole.
According to a national relationship survey conducted by research service eNation, more than 50 percent of breakups occur between Thanksgiving and the end of February. Furthermore, another source found that 38 percent of adults aged 18 to 29 who are currently single are not looking for a romantic relationship. Therefore if you’re single, you’re definitely not alone.
The study showed more breakup patterns as well. According to eNation, 35 percent of Americans have gone through a monumental break up at least once in the last 10 years, and, when polled, women chose infidelity as the number one reason for these and other breakups, and almost as many men agreed.
These statistics aren’t very shocking. I’ve been cheated on, and had some pretty horrific breakups. I’m observant enough to know I’m not alone.
But what I do notice is the emphasis on being single as a direct result of a breakup. What about the single girl or guy who is single purely by choice?
Living the fabulous single life, psychology student Janene Dorio, does not seem to be too concerned with her romantic outlook.
I asked her about the three-month period during which half of breakups occur and how it may affect her sexual future as a single woman. She responded, “It’s not about the time; it’s about the person. If I met someone who gave me butterflies and inspired me to be with them, I’d have no problem being in a relationship by the end of next month. But right now, I’m just being selfish, not looking for anything at all. In my opinion, I lead a much more productive life when I’m single, anyway.”
Dorio has an ideal perspective for controlling that frustration that comes along with not getting any. She has time to do simple tasks like laundry and reading. She has freedom to make plans and answers to no one, and she alone controls her happiness.
Whether your sex-deficient diet is self-imposed or simply due to scarcity out of your control, learn to channel any aggravation in a positive manner like Dorio has.
During these dark times for singles, I wanted to know how a happy couple has fared.
When asked about her current significant other, third-year communications student Lo Lopez, revealed this: “I’m not the kind of person who likes to look too far into the future.
“For example, my boyfriend will be out of the country for six to eight weeks this summer, and we haven’t even talked about it. But as far as lasting through next month is concerned, I can confidently say we’ll still be together. Mind you, I’ve always said relationships suck, but I love having a boyfriend because of the boyfriend I have.”
Lopez’s boyfriend Sean agrees: “The moments when I look at her and want to protect and take care of her have persisted through the times that I wanted to throw her out the window. That feeling doesn’t vanish in just a few weeks.”
Lopez and her boyfriend have a realistic outlook on their love. Their relationship works because there is little pressure and big understanding.
On the contrary, forcing a relationship, sexual or otherwise, will most likely end with a breakup.
When your motivation to be with somebody is just because you want to be with anybody, the match is not meant to be.
Push the lack of sex to the back of your mind and focus on something else.
A new opportunity can’t be revealed unless you put yourself out there sans the one track mind.
Furthermore, a breakup should never become a mental breakdown.
Looking back to the statistics on breakup causes, if you split from your partner, it was most likely for one of the legitimate reasons, such as infidelity, abuse or simply growing apart.
There are many things that are worse than being single. I actually find it quite fun, because I get to do what I want.
So, when your next breakup occurs, give yourself the time you need to heal, but don’t let it take over your life. It hurts, but it’s not permanent. Nothing ever is.
You’re supposed to live it, learn it and then love it; “it” being sex and love, of course. We are still in the living and learning phase.
Pace yourselves, people.
Going through a drought? E-mail Forde at nforde@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments to viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.