EDITOR’S NOTE: Beginning today, the Daily Bruin will run a weekly story on Wednesdays describing how to do something ““ anything, really. We understand this is a departure from what we traditionally run, but we think you, the reader, will enjoy it and benefit from it. Today we chose to look at Valentine’s Day. Next week, it could be anything.
Though conventional wisdom says love doesn’t cost a thing, Americans will spend over $16.9 billion to purchase red roses and chocolate boxes this Valentine’s Day.
But did Cupid mean for us to buy chalky conversation hearts in order to show our love?
Finding the perfect gift for your valentine doesn’t require taking money from your student loan or a trip down to the nearest drug store, even though its endless selection of heart-shaped paraphernalia may be tempting.
An ideal gift is something specific to the individual, said John Phelan, professor of ecology and evolution, who also said one of the best gifts he’s received from his wife is a custom leather chair, since he spends so much time in his office.
“It is built into human nature that we are vulnerable in relationships, but we want them,” Phelan said. “If you don’t give gifts, it plays into people’s fears of getting taken advantage of.”
“Gifts are tremendously important. They tell people that you are thinking about them and that you like them,” he said.
Noticing what people like and what they may enjoy is key to a good gift.
Phelan bought his wife’s Valentine’s Day gift ““ a handbag ““ months ago when he heard her mention how much she liked it when they were out shopping together. He hid the gift in a corner of his office, buried in an inconspicuous brown paper bag.
A gift for your valentine doesn’t have to include hearts or candy, and avoiding the cliche and giving the unexpected may make more of a positive impact.
“If a girl’s favorite flowers are daisies and not roses, why not buy her the daisies?” Phelan said. “Any time a gift is given, even if it’s a small thing, it lubricates the social process.”
Couples unnecessarily worry about impressing each other with expensive gifts, not realizing that the best gifts are the things that allow couples to spend time together.
“Gifts should be creative and fun rather than about money,” said Tina Oakland, director of the UCLA Center for Women and Men.
Oakland said creating something specially for your partner is a good way to show how well you know them. She once planted a vegetable garden for her husband, and even though it contained things she would never eat, the vegetables were some of her husband’s favorites.
“The best gifts are the things you can share together,” Oakland said.
While some couples frown on celebrating Valentine’s Day because of its commercial nature, some researchers said skipping the holiday entirely could actually hurt relationships.
“People capitalize on positive experiences and emotions, so we should make a big deal out of the positive things,” said Benjamin Karney, a psychology professor who studies newlyweds.
“Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to celebrate romance. If we do not do it on Valentine’s Day, when will we do it?” he said.
Phelan said not giving gifts is “completely ridiculous” because gift giving makes people feel more comfortable while building relationships.
Giving gifts in a romantic relationship “says I am committed to you and this is a real relationship with real potential,” Phelan said.
Karney said couples should take any chance they get to celebrate their relationship, and that even the tiniest effort sends a message to partners that their relationship is important.
Though Valentine’s Day is relished by school kids with homemade cards and fun-sized candy bars, Valentine’s Day isn’t just a holiday for the young.
Customers at the Century City Tiffany & Co. range in age from 75-year-old men to 13-year-old boys, said Jesslynn Lenzner, a sales associate. The store sells more heart-shaped pendants at Valentine’s Day than any other time of the year, she said, and some men wait hours outside the store in order to buy jewelry for their sweethearts.
“Valentine’s Day is the chance to celebrate what is good and what is romantic in a relationship,” Karney said, and “gift giving is a chance to celebrate these things.”