It’s called the “Stuck-in-P-town Syndrome,” and if you are growing up in the small Southern California city of Poway, you are to avoid falling victim to this condition at all costs.
The desperation to move away from home isn’t unique to my hometown, of course. Replace “P-town” with your city and I’m sure it’ll ring a familiar tune.
The race to get out of the house begins as soon as one reaches the latter stages of adolescence. And if one does still live at home ““ or the more dreaded way to say it, with parent(s) ““ one must only reveal it with extreme caution, especially to a date.
For some reason, living with parents is something to be ashamed of ““ when, in truth, there are just as many valid reasons to do it. Like many stereotypes, this prejudice comes from generalization, a perception that needs to be changed. This can only happen through a change from the mindset that the family is an entity of individuals with their own self-interests.
Conversely, in cultures emphasizing family as a cohesive unit instead of comprised of individuals, the opposite pattern exists: People actually choose to and are expected to live at home until they start their own families.
“A lot of Mexican girls don’t move out until they marry,” Maria Gomez, first-year undeclared student, said.
Diane Palmer, third-year psychology student, also noticed that her Hispanic friends had a greater tendency to continue living at home voluntarily, especially to fulfill responsibilities for the family. However, she feels that for most Americans, living at home is not viewed as helping out, but is rather seen as lack of self-sufficiency.
And these are the exact reasons why living at home is scorned. It indicates (or so we think) laziness and lack of ambition. When we hear the words “living with parents,” images pop up of a couch potato parked in front of the TV, rotting away brains and time instead of investing in self-empowerment and building a self-driven career.
Therefore, in Mexican (and other) cultures, living at home more likely implies responsibility. Really then, when a Mexican says he or she is living at home, it would probably be seen as a decision made with respect to family issues, whereas an American’s delayed departure from the nest is more likely to be passed off as an easy escape from self-sufficiency ““ an act of self-benefit. And these judgments and assumptions only reflect each respective society’s view of the family under individualized or collective perception.
“If I was making the right choice, I would (move) back home. But I’m not going back home … and I don’t really know why. … I think it’s a pride and ego thing,” Nick Kosearas, third-year history student, said.
Financial reasons do play major and legitimate roles in the decision of staying at home, and have nothing to do with wanting to delay independent responsibilities. I won’t deny the existence of champion TV surfers mooching off of Mom and Dad, but they do not make up the entire population of those residing with their parents.
Palmer, who lived at home before transferring to UCLA, knew others living at home and observed, “Some of it is due to laziness, but a lot of times it is also because they can’t afford (to move out).”
Kosearas said that his older sisters, who left as soon as they could, had come back to live at home because rent and bills proved to be too much to handle.
Therefore, living at home can be more logical than the alternative in some cases. And under family-oriented cultures, receiving help from parents along the way is nothing to be ashamed of, because once you establish a career and stability through their assistance, you will most likely take care of them as they age ““ not out of obligation, but because you want to.
“In Armenian culture, parents are supposed to take care of you (and vice versa), whereas in America, this is seen as a sign of weakness. … It’s less of a symbiotic relationship,” Helen Avunjian, second-year history student said.
In American society, taking care of parents is a much lower priority, relatively speaking. And since you are not particularly assumed to reciprocate your parents’ assistance later, the act of living at home only becomes selfish, childish, lazy behavior as we see it now, in contrast to the view from more family-oriented cultures.
And while “Stuck-in-(Insert Your Hometown Here) Syndrome” will probably continue to infect new victims, a closer reexamination of the individual in relation to the family proves to be an effective defense against the onset of the disease. While this may not be a vaccine, gradual adoption of new perspectives can one day wipe out the syndrome altogether.
E-mail Yoo at jyoo@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments to viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.