Just as Rachel exchanged a bag of crystal methamphetamine for $20 from a fellow high school student, she saw high school security guards drive by. After watching them pass, she turned back to her customer but couldn’t see her product.
She found out he swallowed it, baggie and all. That was the only time she brought meth to high school.
Before coming to UCLA, the fourth-year psychology student, who asked that her name be changed, stopped using and dealing meth but began smoking and later dealing marijuana.
Rachel and Henry, a second-year philosophy student who has also sold marijuana, faced many risks inherent in selling an illegal substance, such as being held accountable by the university or being arrested or criminally prosecuted.
When Rachel decided to quit meth, she couldn’t disassociate herself from those who were still using because they were her closest friends.
She said she remembers one of her friends consistently putting a meth pipe to her mouth and telling her to smoke it after she quit, but she didn’t give in.
Later, she had a dream that she was throwing meth pipes against a brick wall, shattering them to pieces, she said.
“I just didn’t want me or any of my friends involved with it. If I ever got into it, I would pull someone in. That is (what happened to me): I got pulled in by my best friend,” Rachel said.
Henry, who also asked to be referred to by an alias to protect his privacy, said he began selling marijuana because his friends were “doing it.”
Another reason, he said, was so that he wouldn’t have to pay for his own marijuana, but sometimes he lost money because he was too generous.
“I was spreading the love to my friends,” he said.
Henry said having his marijuana on hand could lead to temptation and worse: bad business.
“If you deal, you’re going to smoke some of it, and that is cutting into your profits. But if you don’t smoke, why would someone buy your product?” he said.
Rachel began selling marijuana so she wouldn’t have to spend her own money, she said.
“(I sold) so that I could smoke for free. It was never to make a profit,” she said.
Before Rachel and her partner began to sell, they were spending $20 a day on marijuana.
“We never planned ahead to smoke. We just would be like, “˜We will buy a dub ($20 worth) for tonight.’ We were in denial (about how much we were smoking),” she said.
Rachel said it was like she owned a convenience store, and the benefit of owning the store was that she was able to eat for free.
Rachel said selling marijuana was a choice because she could afford to buy it.
She sold it so that she could buy marijuana without sacrificing other things, she said.
“It was never weed or food; it was weed or jeans,” she said.
Selling drugs, of course, comes with the huge risk and constant fear of being caught.
Henry said the scariest moment of his life came when he was pulled over for speeding and thought his car would be searched, but he said he was fortunate enough to avoid getting caught.
Rachel said the most nerve-racking part of selling marijuana was the ride from her dealer’s to her apartment with an ounce of marijuana hidden in her purse.
“I didn’t have a plan (for) if we were pulled over ““ it was either all or nothing. There was no excuse for me to be holding that much weed,” she said.
A policeman once came to Rachel’s apartment because her roommate had filed a police report about an unrelated incident.
When she opened the door and saw the policeman, she thought he was there to arrest her for dealing because she would either sell from her apartment or go from her apartment to her customer’s car, she said.
“It could be obvious because I would only talk to the person in the car for a second,” she said.
Henry said he wouldn’t sell any other drug except marijuana.
“With weed, it is something I believe in and support ““ something that I believe should be made available. I’m just about the weed culture; I don’t feel that way about any other drug,” he said.
Rachel said she believes she has gotten away with drug dealing because she doesn’t fit the typical image of someone who would be suspected.
“They automatically didn’t suspect me. They have this profile already, and I don’t match that profile,” she said.
Rachel said that, though she didn’t think she was as likely to get caught, she did have to deal with the intricacies of the business.
When she couldn’t get ahold of her normal dealer, she looked elsewhere. She said dealers are often hesitant to sell to someone they don’t know.
Though Rachel and Henry said their friends still have a desire for marijuana, they have both stopped selling in order to concentrate on things they consider more important.
Henry said he stopped because he realized that it wasn’t one of his priorities, and he thought he should focus on school.
Rachel and her partner became busy with more pressing priorities such as school and work and no longer had the desire or energy to sell.
Because she wasn’t working alone, the ability to stick to her decision to stop was easier, she said.
“Since I dealt with someone, it made it easier to be like, “˜We’re going to do this, we’re not going to do this,'” she said.