New school year? Yes, finally.
Clean start? Maybe, hopefully.
Fresh meat? Not so much.
Walking into my senior year with the finish line in sight, I expect almost nothing to change.
The ladies will have their expectations lowered when they realize the hard way that, no, this will not be the place where they finally meet someone of substance ““ someone who is worth dating. And the guys will be shocked when they realize the hard way that, yes, they still have to work for sex, at least a little bit.
Nobody wants to be alone. Well, at least nobody wants to feel alone.
So what do you do? Slap on a happy face and realize it works differently in college.
The idea of searching for someone you could really see yourself with is now lost among the search for someone you could really see yourself entangled with. In fact, I can only recall a few cases where the term “college sweetheart” still holds a tangible definition.
Kathleen Bogle of Saint Joseph’s University said, “hooking up represents a reversal of the traditional “˜date first, sex later’ formula. Moreover, with dating, there was some expectation that the degree of sexual intimacy would match the degree of emotional intimacy. In other words, two people would become increasingly sexually intimate as they grew “˜closer.’ With hooking up, the degree of sexual intimacy is often unrelated to emotional attachment.”
We are stuck in a rut, worried about what the rest of the campus is doing and whether we fall into the “too much,” “too little” or “just right” categories.
Whose fault is it? Hard to say, but I do have a hypothesis.
The problem with men in their 20s is that they just don’t say what they mean.
Now, I can admit that I’m obviously biased against men. Heartbreak, breakups and breakdowns will do that to you.
I can’t blame it all on the men, though. I’m sure the coded language they have developed stems from the fear of a crazy woman lashing out. It’s a classic give-and-take situation.
But being deceived is one of the worst types of betrayal.
Since when does “we should do this again sometime” mean “we should never do this again,” and why does “I’m so busy this week” mean “I’m too busy for you”? Even if you manage to get a relationship, “we should see other people” means “I already am seeing other people.”
I think it would be great if I could tell someone right away that I don’t put up with BS ““ I have half my wedding planned in my imagination, I need a good amount of attention, and I expect them to be at least as smart as I am.
In fact, I’ve even discussed the idea of how wonderful it would be to require applications for new lovers as if they were applying to UCLA or for a new job: education, experience, recommendations.
Is dating really that different?
I don’t think that would go over very well, however.
We all take up these roles that we think seem more attractive to others, or these parts that inevitably fade because the upkeep is too much work.
I’d rather just get the truth flat-out than have to deal with weeks of wondering about the mixed messages.
Imagine you meet someone who seems really great. There is a lot of laughing, maybe some tingles, and your cheeks hurt the next day from smiling so much.
Then the game begins.
When will he call you? Should you wait to call until you hear from her? Did you write your number down right?
Stop.
It really does not have to be this complicated.
If I could repeat my freshman year having the experience I’ve gained over the past three years already under my belt, the only thing I would change is no longer sitting around waiting for someone to call. No more waiting for an invitation ““ I’m taking myself out.
I’m not entirely sure I’ve gotten any smarter when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex, but this more-informed attitude could have really helped.
I missed out on way too much real fun while I was trying to have the kind of “fun” that would get me a boyfriend. I exhausted myself trying to constantly come up with endless sexual innuendos. I drove myself crazy trying to get noticed “having a great time” in a sea of girls who were ready to wrap their legs around anything.
I’m making this new year as much of a new start as I can possibly achieve on the high road. Join me up here.