Your mother, sister and aunts and uncles keep asking you if you
have a girlfriend. Don’t you wish you could get them off your
back without telling them the truth that you’re single?
Proving the argument that there is a Web site for everything,
imaginarygirlfriends.com offers two-month pretend relationships
available for purchase. The site advertises its services with the
tagline: “Real Girls, Imaginary Relationships” and
encourages the girlfriend-less to browse profiles of available
girlfriends. And then, for a nominal fee ““ most girlfriends
go for $45 for a two-month period ““ you can proceed to check
out and pay for your relationship by credit card or digital
check.
Blatantly checking out girls from across the bar or the top of
Bruin Walk is apparently outdated ““ finding a girl now
involves little to no interaction.
The various girlfriends listed on the site offer an array of
services: personal e-mails, telephone messages, love letters,
gifts, online chat and some even list Webcam
“interaction.”
Basically, the site is selling the girlfriend image ““
without the messiness of hurt feelings, neediness or love. You
don’t even have to bother with spending time together, nor do
you ever meet your pretend partner.
I’m sure many of you ““ or your fellow playmates
““ had imaginary friends when you were young, but buying an
imaginary girlfriend played by a real-live girl doesn’t
qualify as healthy social development.
But wait, could it be all bad? An imaginary girlfriend is a
cheaper date than most lightweights. She’ll never get mad at
you for neglecting her, and if you’re a commitment-phobe,
there’s an expiration date built into this relationship.
And girls, it looks like easy money, huh? You get to have fun
creating something that’s not real. Collect some cash and
monogamy is never required ““ you can take on as many
boyfriends as your creativity and your schedule can handle.
After hearing from a few friends about this site’s
existence and reading over the plethora of profiles on the Web site
that show there are people out there who are interested in this
bizarre service, I set out to try and find an
imaginarygirlfriends.com enthusiast on campus.
Seeing the service as more beneficial for the girls involved,
first-year business-economics student Adam Armstrong said, “I
would definitely never consider that. That’s the creepiest
thing I’ve ever heard. “¦ It’s cool for the girls;
they get money.”
Another guy was initially turned off by the idea, but upon
further explanation, began to reconsider.
“I don’t think I’d ever do it. “¦ But
maybe if I had a job and some money I think I’d do it,”
said Shyam Toprani, a third-year computer science and engineering
student.
Even though the imaginary girlfriends are billed as facades to
calm your nervous relatives who fear you’ll remain a bachelor
for life, fourth-year psychology student Dooree Jung calls the
service a strategic way for a claustrophobic boyfriend to ditch his
real girlfriend. Upon hearing the description of
imaginarygirlfriends.com, Jung suggests getting an imaginary
girlfriend and then leaving her
e-mails where a guy’s real girlfriend can read it and thus
break up with him for “cheating.”
While I disagree with the dishonesty of this break-up technique,
there’s nothing honest about imaginary girlfriends ““
except their fakeness. In fact, using an imaginary girlfriend to
get rid of a real one seems the most justifiable reason for
employing a pretend partner in the first place.
But for budding actors and actresses out there, the venture is
less expensive than acting classes. With all the aspiring writers
advertising themselves as girlfriends, the experience is ensured to
create a story in the process.
The site vows girlfriends’ privacy is protected as well
““ but with pictures posted and pretend love as part of the
game plan, restraining orders don’t seem far off once the
online chat starts and the Webcams get rolling.
If you do find yourself in an imaginary relationship, use it as
a chance to get cheesy pick-up lines out of your system. For
instance, a real girlfriend will never see herself in your pants if
you imply she fell from heaven.
It’s cheaper and less involved to buy a frame and display
the template photo as your girlfriend, leave yourself lovey-dovey
messages on your cell phone, or just sack up and vow security in
your singledom. Or you can ask a real girl out on a date and ditch
the façade for the sake of relative approval. What a
revolutionary idea.
Bonos is the 2003-2004 copy chief. E-mail her at
lbonos@media.ucla.edu if you are dating a guy shorter than
you.