Hey,
I was wondering. … Where have all the toilet seat covers
gone? In previous years, they were in every bathroom. This year, I
have yet to see them in any building on campus. Are budget cuts
really that bad? Are bathroom germs no longer considered a
threat?
-Natasha Barra
This would be a very valid concern … if it were true. When I
first read Natasha’s e-mail, the muckraking part of me got
excited at the chance to expose what would surely be a violation of
the California Health and Safety Code. Romantic visions of
unreturned phone calls and angry messages among arguments over
details that shouldn’t be public flooded my consciousness.
Controversial reporting opportunities don’t come to arts and
entertainment reporters very often.
In short, Natasha’s tip could be the beginnings of my
Watergate, or at least my Toiletgate.
But then I went and checked a few of the men’s bathrooms
on campus, only to find every bathroom, every stall, fully stocked
with those tissue-paper seat covers you can use so you don’t
physically have to touch the toilet seat.
I checked more men’s bathrooms, hoping that maybe one of
them wouldn’t have the covers, but they all did. Foiled.
Maybe it’s a women’s thing, I thought to myself, so
I had a friend check the women’s bathrooms Natasha mentioned
in the e-mail, but after walking in empty-handed, she walked out
with a seat cover every time. Foiled again.
It was at about this point that I gave up. Toiletgate had
effectively been flushed. (You didn’t think I’d make it
through this column without a bathroom pun, did you? I’ll try
to restrain myself, I promise.)
At first I was disappointed. My story had fallen through.
Next I was confused and angry. How could Natasha have deceived
me like that? Or, even worse, how could she lie to me?
After that came apathy. Who really cares if there are or
aren’t toilet seat covers on campus? I wouldn’t sit on
a public toilet seat even if it had a velvet cushion.
Eventually I came around to an understanding. Not only is it a
good thing that campus bathrooms are up to code, but it’s
also good that under normal circumstances, we don’t even have
to think about code violations as a rational possibility.
I don’t want to turn this into some sort of
post-Thanksgiving blessed-are-we-who-attend-higher-education
mantra, but let’s at least acknowledge the way in which
people tend to focus on the bad as a substitute for not paying
attention to the good. People even seem to enjoy the bad because it
lets them complain, which is a lot easier than having to praise
something good.
So yeah, sure, it’s nice not to have to think about
bathroom cleanliness. I’ll admit it. And at the same time,
I’ll admit that for once, it’s nice not to have to
complain about something.
The more that I think about it, the story would have been better
had it been true, but perhaps I shouldn’t be thinking that
way. Excuse me while I wash my hands of gut reactions.
E-mail Tracer any questions or your favorite bathroom pun at
jtracer@media.ucla.edu.