Last Saturday night it was pouring rain, but three of our group
of five being British, a little precipitation wasn’t going to
keep us from a night on the town.
We jumped out of the cab, rushed to the umbrella-protected line,
and as we entered Prey, we realized it was an Asian club ““
and all of us are white.
Throughout a night of dancing and chatting, I went from feeling
sorely out of place to fitting right in. The mid-’90s hip-hop
made me feel nostalgic for junior high dances and kept us all
shakin’ on the dance floor, and a random conversation with a
stranger definitely made my night.
A nice guy came over to chat, and when I told him I’m
studying English and Jewish studies at UCLA, he asked if I was a
“MOT.”
“What’s a MOT?” I asked.
“Member of the tribe!” he replied.
“Yes,” I said, and smiled.
Immediately, we were laughing hysterically at the fact that my
new friend was teaching me a Jewish acronym. I told him I felt a
little out of place being at Prey and not being Asian.
He then noted that he “worked with (my) people” at
Cedars-Sinai, and that I eat Chinese food on Christmas, right?
“Of course, every year.”
Our conversation may have been a superficial exchange, but it
made me realize, again, the racial and ethnic geographical and
social division of Los Angeles, and on a smaller scale, UCLA.
On this campus, the result of diversity is, often in a social
sense, very divided. And while finding a racial or ethnic social
scene where you feel like the majority instead of the minority is
incredibly valuable and warranted, when that group becomes
exclusive, we all suffer.
As social scenes often dictate dating decisions, it can be
extremely limiting to say you will only date others of your
ethnicity ““ or as my experience shows, to only go to clubs
where you feel you would “belong.”
Dating is often formally organized by ethnicity by belonging to
an exclusive online dating service, or is informally facilitated by
your social circle or strongly imposed by your parents.
UCLA is simultaneously strengthened by its social composition of
clubs representing numerous cultural and ethnic groups and divided
at times by social segregation. The tension between holding a
strong cultural or racial identity and dating someone of another
background often arises at home, when parents expect (or demand)
cultural homogeneity from their children.
But when most college relationships don’t turn into
marriage, the assimilation argument is a pretty weak reason not to
enter into relationships of mixed race, ethnicity or faith. We can
learn so much from one another ““ and see how similar we are
as human beings ““ if we don’t write others off because
they’re “not like us.”
Acquainting someone else with your background and beliefs can
help you strengthen your own cultural identity and can instill a
sense of pride in sharing your traditions.
Personality qualities and the ability to get along are far more
important than finding someone whose ethnicity check box mirrors
your own.
Bonos is the 2004-2005 managing editor and the product of an
interfaith marriage. E-mail her at lbonos@media.ucla.edu.