According to the 1948 Kinsey report “Sexual Behavior in
the Human Male” and the 1953 “Sexual Behavior in the
Human Female,” 92 percent of men and 62 percent of women like
to tickle their own pleasure organs on a regular basis.
Or, for a more technical term, the majority of the population
likes to masturbate (derived from the Latin word
“masturbari,” meaning “to populate
oneself”).
Unfortunately, however widespread the practice of badgering your
plonker is, it is still not fully accepted as a healthy and normal
sexual habit.
In fact, in 1993 former President Clinton dismissed Surgeon
General Jocelyn Elders after she commented that masturbation should
be taught in sex education classes in public schools. And that was
the liberal camp.
With the conservatives in power, you might think that
masturbation would be a smart addition to their abstinence agenda,
but they seem to be more interested in leading the United States
down the same path as the Shrub’s home state of Texas ““
where any devices that are “designed or marketed as useful
primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs” are a
no-no. That means vibrators, dildos, butt plugs and dolls with fake
vaginas are strictly verboten.
But regardless of whether sex toys are illegal, the sad fact is
that masturbation is socially stigmatized as dirty, an act of
desperation and the sign of a weak mind that is not normal.
But jammin’ the love muscle is none of these things.
Masturbation is a great way to release sexual tension ““ or
any tension, for that matter. It’s relaxing, it feels good,
and, unless you’re doing something really wack, it’s
harmless.
Having a one-night stand with the gherkin does not lead to
insanity, homosexuality, impotence, shrinkage of the penis or dark
circles around the eyes. (And yes, some people do believe these sad
misconceptions, according to WebHealthCentre.com)
Even small babies are known to touch their genitals, further
proving that masturbation is simply another normal sexual act. If
anything, it can enhance your love life.
This is especially true for the vagina owners out there. Those
of you who have discovered the hidden door to the secret garden of
clitoral and G-spot orgasms, I congratulate you. For those of you
who haven’t, I suggest a weekend trip to Grand Opening, a
store where you can not only invest in a vibrator, but also
register to take a class on arousal skills.
A class on how to become aroused, you ask? Exactly. Classes on
sexual pleasure are not a new invention. In the ’70s, Dr.
Betty Dodson began her sexual consciousness-raising groups. Within
the socially safe environment of these groups, women would learn
how to appreciate the beauty of their genitals and explore the many
possibilities of the orgasm through masturbation techniques.
After all, once you know how to pleasure yourself, you can teach
a friend what to do. How do you expect someone else to stimulate
you into orgasm if you can’t even do it yourself?
Even if you are a regular orgasmer, why not enhance the
experience?
The masturbation techniques out there are countless. All they
require is curiosity and an open mind.
Sexually pleasuring a vagina has many possibilities. Water
techniques are popular ““ anything from the faucet of a
bathtub (this one might require some stretching) to the jets in a
jacuzzi. Also experiment with the wonders of thigh-squeezing. This
can make a long bus ride or boring desk job that much more
interesting.
Some people really enjoy the feeling of riding the seam in tight
jeans, but you might prefer the freedom of a skirt. Enjoy
yourself.
And for all genitals, spread the word about the wonders of the
removable showerhead and all its settings. Happy
pleasure-making.
For the penis possessors ““ the butt plug is waiting for
you. I’ve heard that guys experience the best orgasms when
they’re anally stimulated.
If you aren’t comfortable with that, why not try a new
technique to liven it up a little? Methods out there range from the
“banana man” (cutting one end of a banana, squeezing
out the fruit, and voila, a faux vagina) to the “circle
“˜N’ stroke” (the typical up and down motion, but
circle the head of the penis with a finger from your other hand).
According to one student, while the banana isn’t a vagina
replacement, it’s definitely worth a try.
A final word of warning ““ masturbate only when your full
attention can be given to the endeavor. Only a couple weeks ago, an
Oklahoma City judge was fired for allegedly masturbating with a
penis pump behind his bench during trials. He’s now facing
criminal charges. Or, if risky situations are your thing ““
just don’t get caught.
Once you know what makes you wet, share your secrets by
e-mailing Loewenstein at lloewenstein@media.ucla.edu.