Procrastination is a necessary evil

Bonnie Chau bchau@media.ucla.edu
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Why are my study habits so crappy? Procrastination doesn’t
infiltrate everyone’s life. My roommate finishes all her
assignments before they’re due (imagine that!). She can
afford to take breaks when studying. My friend likes to finish all
his homework for the week over the weekend, so that he can just
relax during the week. I have friends of friends of friends who
study for five hours a day. Are they human? If not, how can I be
more nonhuman like them?

What is it like to get to take study breaks? By the time I get
down to business, if I took any breaks, I wouldn’t be able to
turn in my assignment on time. I used to offer the
I-work-better-under-pressure line, but I don’t even bother
anymore. Apparently it doesn’t matter whether or not I work
better; apparently that’s the only way I work.

Perhaps procrastination doesn’t really suck so much
though. I’ll do anything to keep from doing work I should
actually be doing. I clean my room. A lot. Rearrange my bookshelf,
my closet, my shoes, my drawers, my CDs. Go to the museum. Paint on
my wall. Write novels. Walk circles in my room. Do laundry.
Handwash things. Look through photo albums. Use the darkroom.
I’ll go on massive online shopping trips, put things into the
shopping cart and never check out. Or I’ll plan vacations,
spending hours looking up plane tickets and hotel rates.

How would I ever clean my room if I didn’t have other work
I was supposed to be doing? It’s hard work, procrastinating.
I often think it requires more planning to procrastinate than to
not. The procrastinator possesses an entirely different mindset. In
my world, it isn’t so much, “I have a paper due next
Monday,” as it is, “Hmmm, Monday morning is going to be
very busy.” Starting early isn’t an option.

Not that I don’t try. I’ve gone to great lengths to
defeat procrastination. For one assignment, I was particularly
intent on not waiting until the last minute; maybe it was just
after New Year’s. I was so bent on it I decided I’d
just pretend it was due several days before it was actually due. My
friends would ask me when my paper was due and I’d lie and
say Wednesday instead of Friday, hoping if I lied enough maybe
I’d really start to believe it. But in the end,
procrastination proved itself smarter than that. It was not to be
tricked by some amateur lies.

I’ve had my share of backfires though. I’ve had to
turn in a paper late and suffer the consequences. (Maybe it just
means I know I can write mind-blowing masterpieces so that getting
one-third a grade knocked off will mean nothing to me. Nothing!)
You’d think I would’ve finally learned my lesson, but
alas, I haven’t. The adrenaline rush is too great. The sorrow
of a lower grade is no match for the thrill of procrastination.

Mornings play a big part in procrastination. I have the worst
alarm clock habits in the world. My roommate must go crazy. The
volume is set very high. A book rests on top, so I can’t turn
it off easily. I set my cell phone alarm too, just in case, and
place it in my pillowcase. Chronic procrastination renders
necessary the ability to think quick like lightning, in those
half-unconscious moments, as soon as my alarm sounds. How tired am
I? Can I skip my first class? How long will it take me to finish my
homework? The trick is setting it the night before at the perfect
time: early enough so I’ll have time to finish my work, but
late enough so I won’t wake up and decide that it’s too
early and that I actually need less time, and end up experiencing
the whole dangerous resetting thing.

Procrastination requires unearthly confidence. It’s not
recommended for the faint of heart. It takes guts, is for people
who want to live life on the edge (aka dumbasses who can’t
get their acts together). Procrastination – can’t live with
it, can’t live without it.

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