For the last week, I’ve pretty much only been listening to
one album. Over and over. It’s an indie-folk record ““
it’s not out yet, and it’s nothing short of amazing.
One day, I sat down and listened to one of the songs on repeat for
at least half an hour straight. Sometimes, I’d be walking
around campus or something, and then I’d think of this album,
and then I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it until I
got home and put it on. Or I’d sit in class and write sweet
nothings to it in my notebook ““ OK, not really, but you get
the point. Ah, to be in love again with a record. How utterly
pathetic.
This should be the musical high point of the year for me, except
I can’t get rid of the nagging feeling that I’ve become
dangerously close to the exact kind of music listener I’ve
always vowed never to be ““ cooped up at the computer,
listening to a few white guys, completely out of touch with what
people in the real world are into. (Not that there’s anything
wrong with this. It probably describes half the people I’ve
met in college.)
I need to: (a) stop thinking about this record; and (b) prove
I’ve still got my ear for the pop charts. So, moving things
back to the real world, here’s a breakdown of the current
Billboard Top Ten singles, an expertly discerning state of the
union, if you will.
10. Amerie, “1 Thing:” This beat/instrumental is
glorious. The first time I heard this on the radio, I turned it way
up ““ the drums kill, and the guitar stabs are on some funky
Meters-style tip.
Then, Amerie starts singing in that strained, J. Lo kind of way,
and I had to switch stations because my ears started hurting. Now
that I’m used to the vocals, the sheer energy of the song is
undeniable ““ I still can’t quite get with the hook,
except that “na na na na na bo” part, which is
super-awesome.
9. Frankie J ft. Baby Bash, “Obsession (No Es
Amor):” Awful. I’m not a huge fan of Usher or anything,
but I (almost) miss the guy when the R&B floating around is
this bad.
8. Coldplay, “Speed of Sound:” Beatles chart records
have been falling like angel food cakes this year. “Speed of
Sound” is the first British single to debut in the U.S. Top
Ten since the Fab Four. 50 Cent had four singles in the Top Ten not
too long ago, also a first since the Beatles. Three of those 50
singles sucked. This one does too. I’m not a Coldplay hater
““ “Parachutes” was a great album, but this is
some adult contemporary garbage that you listen to when stuck in
traffic. And it sounds suspiciously like “Clocks.”
7. Rob Thomas, “Lonely No More:” This song is OK for
literally the first five seconds. That’s it. The only thing
worse is the video, for which words cannot do justice.
6. Kelly Clarkson, “Since U Been Gone:” As
I’ve said before, this song isn’t bad at all. But
it’s been on the charts for 21 weeks. I’m over it. Good
job, though, Kelly.
5. Ciara ft. Ludacris, “Oh:” Some guys I know threw
a cocktail party last weekend, and they played Frank Sinatra
non-stop for the first two hours before changing it up to some
Ludacris. Ciara has been one of the best things going on the radio,
and this is no different. But what really pushes this over the top
is Luda’s guest verse. The man is Sinatra-smooth here. I
invite everyone to observe his flow the next time this comes on.
It’s ridiculous.
4. Akon, “Lonely:” Akon is above-average when
compared to the dearth of R&B singers out there, but the
helium/chipmunk voice sample ruins this for me.
3. 50 Cent ft. Olivia, “Candy Shop:” I’ve
whined before, so I’ll keep it short. “Candy
Shop” is the beat from “Lean Back” with the hook
from “Magic Stick,” and not as good as either of
them.
2. The Game ft. 50 Cent, “Hate It Or Love It:” The
best of the current batch of G-Unit singles. How can two of my
least favorite rappers have combined for one of the best rap
singles of the year? Well, first of all, 50 doesn’t sing or
do anything too grating, and his intro verse is one of his best.
More importantly, the production is miles ahead of all the
minimalist beats the West Coast has been churning out. Dre should
do soul more often.
1. Gwen Stefani, “Hollaback Girl:” Gwen’s out
of control. Yeah, I find her annoying a lot of the time. But this
beat stomps something serious. And the way the guitar, the synth
and then the horns kick in is impeccable. I can see this getting
old quickly, but it’s fun right now. Plus, there’s a
Queen reference. What more can you really ask for from a pop
song?
So that’s that. Enough of the real world, I’m back
to more wimpy indie-folk music.
E-mail Lee at alee2@media.ucla.edu.