Kenny Chang kchang@media.ucla.edu
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Older woman, when used in reference to men and dating, usually
has a positive connotation. “Good job on scoring that older
woman!” or “Oooooh, older woman!” And with this
Mrs. Robinson complex, it’s not seen as taboo, but some may
wonder why it is that guys dig older women. Not older like Betty
White or Bea Arthur, mind you; I’m not quite keen on the
“Golden Girls.”
Skipping past all the qualities that she may have, let’s
get to the nitty gritty ““Â just what is it that she does
for us?
Well of course, for one thing, it’s an ego trip. No ifs,
ands, or buts about it. The norm is that women go for older guys.
If a woman sees something in you meriting attention, something that
makes you as qualified as an older guy, this is definitely
cool.
Also, there’s that whole thing about women maturing faster
than men so if the woman likes you, that must make your maturity on
par with somebody who’s supposed to be more mature! Score!
Like I said, total ego trip.
MILF! MILF! MILF! MILF!
Alright, I hate to go into it but basically, older women have
total sex appeal. Studies show that the average man thinks about
sex approximately every four minutes or so, and older women know
the ins and outs of sex. Older equals experience. Experience equals
they know what’s going on, know what’s good, and know
what to do. So for all the math majors out there, if A equals B and
B equals C, A equals C. What it boils down to is that older women
know what to do in bed.
What about all the dazzling traits women have that make us feel
all warm and fuzzy inside? Why don’t I go into the inspiring
qualities of their character?
Well, it’s due to the self-centered nature of myself and
of men, that’s why. Today is man’s day, and we’re
talking about men! No, no, I’m just joshing you. All jesting
aside, everybody knows that women are the mothers of the earth,
queens of the universe. They are the yins to our yangs, the sun to
our photosynthesis, the earth, with it’s gravitational pull,
regulated by the tides, to our moon. (There, that should keep the
women from being too angry at me).
Essentially, older women are the cream of the crop. They have
wisdom, they have experience, and they are fast-approaching, or,
are at their sexual peak. That should just about match the earlier
sexual peak of the younger male counterparts.
And of course, let’s not forget their maturity. Even
though women our age are more mature than we are (supposedly),
older women are even more mature. So let’s forget about the
little mind games, the discrete hints littered here and there to
make you feel uneasy about yourself ““ they’re gone. In
place are confident women who know what they want, and if
you’re not it, hey, at least they’ll dump you first
before banging your best friend.
Of course, don’t get me wrong, I don’t know anything
about older women. None of this stuff comes from personal
experience. I’m just making a lot of assumptions based on
things that people say and movies I’ve watched. Hell, the
last date I had turned into the biggest fiasco ever. Turns out the
Kenny Chang method of insulting your date and making a bad joke
doesn’t go over too well with many of our illustrious female
population.
Like fine wine, women improve with age, but the wine can’t
be too old, or else they would be dead, and that would make you a
necrophiliac. Oh sorry, I digress. But older women have qualities
that can only be found with age, so maybe, just maybe, is Betty
White looking more attractive? Nah, probably somebody more like
Florence Henderson.
So here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson, Kenny loves you more than
you will know, whoa whoa whoa.