A lot has been written about celebrity gossip in these pages,
and for good reason. It provides harmless, easy-to-analyze topics
of conversation ““ why discuss the ominous situation in North
Korea when there are tensions on the set of “The O.C.”?
It serves as a stress-free distraction from the occasional periods
of monotony life can present. It also allows ordinary people to
feel closer to the actors, musicians, models and heiresses they
admire. The hardened intellectual may put down his copy of
“Thus Spake Zarathustra” and scoff at such notions, but
I think these are positive things.
I love celebrity gossip, but not for the usual reasons. The
reason why I do ““ and bear with me here ““ is because of
its unsurpassed ability to probe into the deepest issues facing
humanity.
The scoffing Nietzsche reader is now livid. “Where are the
“˜deep issues’ in celebrity gossip?” he asks
indignantly. But oh, hardened intellectual, your cynicism knows no
bounds. Follow me as we revisit some of the most thought-provoking
moments in celebrity gossip from the summer of 2005.
We begin in mid-June, when several news sources reported that
Michael Jackson’s acquittal was greeted with great relief by
the Los Angeles Police Department. There had been speculation Los
Angeles would erupt in riots if the King of Pop was convicted.
Isn’t this astonishing? The authorities were actually
preparing for a popular uprising in defense of Michael Jackson.
Such is the enduring power of “Thriller.”
Even the mere thought of the masses erupting in the name of the
Moonwalker left me with a torrent of profound questions. Would
“Beat It” be their rallying cry? Would police turn
against the authorities and side with the Jacko-inspired
insurgents, a la 1917 Russia? Would I take part, perhaps holding a
placard that reads, “He may be a “˜Smooth
Criminal,’ but he’s innocent of all charges”?
What does it say about a nation that would imprison the former
leader of The Jackson 5? Such a scenario inspires so many deep
queries, yet no easy answers.
In this instance, celebrity gossip led me to contemplate some of
the deepest notions regarding the role of fame in the pursuit of
justice, the ambiguity that underlies all loyalties (Do I support
the state or Michael Jackson, if the two are opposed to one
another?), and the power of the masses to inspire change. But the
philosophical value of celebrity gossip extends far beyond
political theory, stretching into the realm of that most complex of
matters: love.
When Tom Cruise jumped on Oprah’s chair, he not only
raised eyebrows, but also several profound questions regarding the
nature of romance in the modern world. Is it normal to act so manic
over a new love? Reflecting on my own moments of intense
infatuation, I recall many strange actions ““ singing two
entire verses of The Beatles’ “I Want to Hold Your
Hand” at the top of my lungs in a university library, doing a
cartwheel on a busy Fifth Avenue sidewalk in the heart of Manhattan
““ that would lead many to assume I was mentally imbalanced.
When I learned of Tom’s antics, I smiled and thought of my
own foolish moments as a slave of Eros.
Yet all around me, I heard people talk derisively of Tom’s
great enthusiasm for Katie Holmes. Is the world so cynical that it
cannot celebrate a guy just finding love? Are people so jaded about
romance that they have forgotten the glorious goofiness it
inspires? The public reaction made me sad. It made me think,
reflect, contemplate. Again, celebrity gossip proves its
philosophical utility.
Finally, there is the endless saga of Paris Hilton: fights with
friends, her engagement to another wealthy heir named Paris, the
continuing sales of her sex tapes, and other mildly amusing,
heavily reported escapades. The Paris spectacle leaves me with one
burning question: Why is this girl famous? Try as I might, I cannot
find any satisfactory explanation. But to analyze the celebrity of
Paris Hilton is to ponder the unknowable. The inexplicable fame of
Ms. Hilton illustrates the limits of human knowledge. Man, however
intelligent, will never possess absolute understanding of the
universe. Much as people have long wondered “˜why do good
people suffer?’ and “˜how did life begin?’ the
question “˜why is Paris Hilton famous?’ will likely
endure as a puzzle of human existence.
The summer of 2005 provided several thought-provoking examples
of celebrity gossip. By following the strange, glorious, tragic
lives of the famous, fundamental truths about life can be grasped.
Some turn to the dialogues of Plato in pursuit of such wisdom. Me?
I prefer Us Weekly.
E-mail Kearns at bkearns@media.ucla.edu.