If you’ve ever parroted the lame
“I-don’t-have-time-for-a-relationship” excuse for
not getting romantically involved, it’s time to realize
that’s precisely what it is ““ an excuse.
And those of you who’ve accepted this line as true or
understandable, it’s time to stop kidding yourself.
This may sound harsh, but it’s the truth. If someone says
they don’t have time for a relationship, it’s nothing
more than a commitment cop-out.
Unless you’re a movie star or a model running from New
York to Paris to Milan to Moore 100 for MCD Bio 40, you have the
time for a significant other.
Having time for a relationship doesn’t mean allotting
hours per day to marathon phone or make-out sessions (although
those are nice, too), it just means having one’s priorities
properly aligned. It’s entirely possible to be hopelessly
devoted to a special someone without flunking out of school ““
and you can even keep your job.
Spending an inordinate amount of time with one other person
““ no matter how wonderful or wonderfully hot he/she is
““ can steer even the most stable people into suffocating
relationships reeking of clinginess. Even the most enamored couples
need time apart.
And, if you want to keep your friends while being romantically
involved, you have to make time for others in addition to your one
and only ““ especially if you want to have a life if and when
your now-solid relationship reaches the point of dissolution.
Relationships that consume your life do just that ““ they
cloud your vision, your priorities and your free time.
Having the time for a relationship isn’t about having the
time; it’s about finding the time. Don’t take a
schedule conflict with a crush as a sign from the cosmos that it
wasn’t meant to be. If you have a free moment yet your
sweetie is currently tied up, you can still devote the time to
him/her.
Compose a love poem for your beloved (remember: rhyming is out
and very cheesy) or a simple, thoughtful e-mail. Play delivery boy
or gal and cook something tasty you can personally deposit at your
crush’s doorstep ““ even if you can’t stay.
Spend time on the Internet researching and planning a cool date
idea you two can enjoy together when you do have corresponding free
time slots. Surprise your significant other at work or home with a
note, flowers or a sweet treat. Leave a special mix CD in your
boyfriend or girlfriend’s car or stereo or have a roommate
let you in late at night ““ or early in the morning ““ to
join your girl or boy beneath the sheets.
Remember, it’s quality, not quantity.
Also, when you’re in a secure relationship, it’s
often actually easier to take care of the rest of your life because
you don’t waste time obsessing about what to wear and
analyzing every little communication with a new crush. It’s
usually easier to focus and complete tasks if you have something
fun to look forward to with your significant other, such as a
late-night catch-up conversation or sharing laughs and French fries
over Heinz-brand ketchup. Rewards work wonders.
Whatever you do, don’t lean on the no-time crutch to get
you out of commitment ““ you’ll end up stumbling around
in blatant clumsiness. Be smooth and either tell the truth or make
the commitment. Who knows, you may pleasantly surprise
yourself.
So, if you are fed the overdone “I like you, but I just
don’t have time for a relationship,” please don’t
swallow it whole. When your crush spits out a seemingly plausible
objection to commitment, it is most often crafted as more palatable
euphemism for “I don’t like you enough to find the time
to be with you.”
And to those who think you really mean what you say, think
again. If you don’t have time for a relationship in college,
when will you have time? When you have a full-time job and are
working to support yourself?
College can seem overwhelming at times. You may think
you’re the busiest person on the planet, but even those who
have to pencil bathroom breaks into their schedules have time for
love. The trick is to prioritize: Be open to last-minute meet-ups,
make compromises, and yes, sacrifice some sleep for a little
nookie.
Bonos is the 2003-2004 copy chief. If you e-mail her at
lbonos@media.ucla.edu, she will definitely find the time to
respond.