When I suggested female ejaculation as a topic for this column I
was told that it was overdone. And yes, while I wouldn’t say
that female ejaculation is as obscure a topic as, say, the idea of
being genderqueer, I definitely wouldn’t say that it’s
overdone. If it were, people would know certain things, like the
fact that all females have the potential to ejaculate, the stuff
you see in porn is usually fake, and the ejaculate can range in
taste from bitter to a little sweet ““ kind of like
cantaloupe.
Well, maybe not the last one, but you get the picture.
Female ejaculation is an intriguing topic. While for men,
ejaculation is almost always necessary for orgasm, this is not so
for women. In fact, of about the 15 women I talked to, most of them
had experienced an orgasm, but only one had ejaculated. And this
one? She first ejaculated when she was young and said that even
then she had to almost force it. “Women train themselves not
to ejaculate, so those who are capable must work hard to let
themselves do it,” said the woman, who asked to remain
anonymous. “When I would do it as a youngster I did have to
kind of force it. It reminded me a lot of peeing, although
it’s a nice feeling.”
Whether women actually train themselves to ejaculate or not is
debatable. I’m not going to tell all women that they’ve
been suppressed by our patriarchal society and that learning to
ejaculate will free their bodies. That’s an unnecessary
burden on women.
Women don’t need higher standards of sexual expression.
They don’t need to be told that because they aren’t
ejaculating they’re not achieving the greatest sexual release
or that they’re holding something in. If you want to learn
how to ejaculate, awesome, but don’t feel pressured to.
But then there are those women, such as myself, who have
insatiable curiosities. So much so that they will call the San
Francisco Sex Information Hotline to ask “So, how do I learn
to ejaculate?”
The first tip my new friend gave me: Lay down a towel.
Then they proceeded to explain the mysterious wonders of the
G-spot.
Basically, the G-spot is this spongy tissue through the upper
wall of a woman’s vagina. You know that “come
hither” motion that seductive women do in old, classic
movies? Well, if you want to stimulate someone’s G-spot,
that’s what you gotta do.
However, don’t just go plunging in. While some women
really enjoy G-spot stimulation, others find it aggravating. And
usually women only enjoy it if they’ve already been aroused
through clitoral, or another method, of stimulation.
While some women have an easy time reaching their G-spots,
others have a little more trouble and may find it easier with the
help of a toy. There are toys specifically shaped to help women
reach their G-spots. They look kind of like mini dildos that are
bent in the “come hither” shape.
But, what about ejaculating? If you’ve experienced G-spot
stimulation you’ve probably felt a need to pee. You’ve
probably resisted this urge. But, supposedly letting go of this
resistance is the key to ejaculation. I know, it sounds weird, and
almost a little too easy, but there’s no harm in trying. At
worst you have to wash the towel.
And then there’s the issue of the ejaculate. No,
it’s not urine, although some women do urinate when they
orgasm. The ejaculate is thought to be produced by Skene glands,
which are in the urethra and are made of similar tissue to that of
a man’s prostate. However, due to the size of these glands
most girls probably can’t ejaculate more than a couple
teaspoons of fluid. If you do ejaculate more, it may be mixed with
urine. The current belief is that female ejaculate is similar to
male semen only minus the sperm; but you know, as long as it
doesn’t make you pregnant or carry diseases, its chemical
composition doesn’t really matter.
Basically, female ejaculation just adds another juice to the
mix, and the more the merrier. Besides, some say that it’s
usually accompanied with an intense orgasm. I’m definitely
in.
Many of the guys I’ve talked to thought it would be really
hot if a girl ejaculated, mainly because this would give them
physical evidence that they were doing something right. And most of
the girls I talked to wanted to experience ejaculation, so
don’t be embarrassed or feel the need to hold back. If
anything, ejaculating is a compliment.
But all I know is, I just found my spare towel …
If you like cantaloupe, e-mail Lara at
lloewenstein@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments to
viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.