Chivalry is dead.
Recently, I asked a particular guy out to dinner. He responded by silently walking away. Right then, my faith began fading.
A man in a bar approached me not long ago and said, “So are we going to go home together or not? Because if not, I need to move on.” Finally, the camel’s back broke.
I’ve succumbed to the fact that we’ve lost simple manners that used to be protocol in male/female interaction, or at least, we no longer value them like we used to.
Generations before us enjoyed a system of dating where, for the most part, men and women knew what was expected of them. Now, due to increased female independence and lack of effort, we are dating-impaired. Only men and women working together to establish a modern set of unspoken rules can open our eyes again.
Especially at the college level, the concept of the date ““ and the etiquette that comes along with it ““ are lost beneath the insidious “come over and watch a movie” substitution.
I understand the motivation behind transforming the means (the date) to include the end (the hookup) by combining them into one all-inclusive free-for-all on the couch. In this way, the movie-at-home date can be seen as quite strategic.
So where’s the problem?
I don’t mind watching a movie with the guy I’m seeing as a planned, relaxing evening, but it’s just not appropriate for at least the first three dates.
Perhaps it’s the result of a student’s lack of resources: time consumed by studying or money consumed by textbooks. Our energy and disposable income are steadily decreasing, making popping a beer in front of the TV much more appealing then spending time making plans and spending money on a $10 cocktail.
Arielle Moyal, a fourth-year political science and pre-med student, sees these explanations as simple excuses.
“College isn’t an excuse to slack off, romantically speaking. Basic dating rules still apply. I think guys should still pay for at least the first date, if they asked me out. It may sound old-fashioned, but that little amount of money could end up telling you if he’s the one,” Moyal said.
But before all my male readers jump down my throat, I think I found a sufficient reason for the death of gallantry.
While I definitely miss the door-opening, flower-sending men who took me on real dates that required plans, I think chivalry may be among the things women sacrificed for more freedom.
Female independence currently soars compared to the generations before us. Our grandmothers were likely among the first women to vote and our mothers were among the first to level the playing field at work for men and women.
The playing field in college is equal as well, especially here at UCLA.
In fact, in some areas, it seems as though women are marching forward past the previous hegemony of men. For instance, at UCLA, the female-to-male student ratio is now 56 percent female to 44 percent male.
While I definitely don’t think these advances warrant the death of chivalry, I hypothesize that the increase of female independence may read as women no longer “needing” men.
We can work, we can vote, we can drive, we can even run for president. In fact when a woman takes the office with ultimate power, I think it’s safe to say chivalry will become a memory of the distant past.
Some have actually advocated for a new code of chivalry, one that can be instituted and practiced by everyone.
What it comes down to is people treating each other with respect. This, of course, includes opening a door, pulling out a chair and giving a polite response to a date invitation ““ regardless of what the answer is. Despite the differing expectations of traditional gender roles, general courtesy is necessary.
It’s going to take effort from both genders to bring back the traditional date, the date that most women ““ and probably some men ““ still crave. Of course, a few updates are in order.
Women can now ask men out. They can ““ and should ““ pick up the phone and be the first to call. But men: Don’t take this fresh female independence as an excuse to pull away from the responsibilities of dating.
Men and women, unite to reinstate the date ““ with chivalry gone, it’s all we have left.
Do white knights still exist? E-mail Forde at nforde@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments to viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.