As many UCLA students prepare to leave town for part of their
summer break, it’s important to remember to make full use of
your music collection while traveling. And while road trip music is
a much talked-about subject, the importance of music on a grueling
airline flight is often overlooked.
I would even argue it is even more vital ““ sure, road trip
music is a great experience, usually shared by appreciating friends
and accompanied by scenic landscapes. But music on an airplane is
an invaluable last-resort haven from scream-inducing boredom and
crying babies for those of us hurtling hundreds of miles per hour
at 35,000 feet. Not to mention being stuck in the same cruelly
cramped coach seating for half a day or more.
None of this became more evident than during my own 12-hour-plus
flight to Korea a few days ago. The usefulness of music on an
airplane begins before even leaving the ground. In the crucial
first few minutes before takeoff, a struggle to establish
territorial dominance among neighboring passengers occurs.
In my case, I was stuck between two middle-aged men, with four
armrests between the three of us. Whatever geniuses designed
these planes not only made the seating inhumanly small and
uncomfortable, but they also allotted for far too few
armrests.Â
During this quintessentially Darwinian struggle over limited
resources, position is slyly jockeyed for. Elbows are bumped.
Annoyed glances are exchanged. Any advantage here is to be
utilized, all the while avoiding any direct confrontation. In
this sort of situation, one’s on-board CD collection can
offer a slight edge. The trick is to play something particularly
abrasive or belligerent, and then hang your headphones around your
neck and max out the volume so it seems that you’re a bit too
insane to be inconveniencing. In other words, weird your neighbors
out so they give you a bit of space.
I first misguidedly attempted this in cliched fashion, with some
good ole gangsta rap in the form of N.W.A.’s “Straight
Outta Compton.” This quickly turned into the unsettling
realization of just how much rap has been incorporated into
mainstream culture over the years ““ I swear I saw the old guy
on my right nodding along. Coupled with his odor control problems,
my dreams of armrest supremacy were certainly looking bleak.
 Then — as he always does — Prince saved the day with his
gender-crossing, bizarrely psychosexual one-two punch of “If
I Was Your Girlfriend” and “Strange
Relationship.” “Listen, for you naked I would dance a
ballet / would that get you off?” he asked my fellow
travelers.
After that, I wound up in full control of both armrests for the
entire duration of my flight ““ no small asset in
international travel.
A lot of people like to listen to relaxing music once they get
up in the air. I can understand the reasoning behind this, but
rarely subscribe to it myself. First, the engine noise drowns out
low-key music, and second, combating boredom usually requires
something more exciting and upbeat.
Quite a few people also seem to enjoy the in-flight music
channels, but that’s like listening to the radio on long road
trips; it’s serviceable, but there are much better options.
Yes, even on my own flight, despite its slew of quality music
programming ranging from channel 19 (the entire “Master and
Commander” soundtrack) to channel 4 (timeless pop and soul),
which promised that I would “hear lots of songs that share
the same title or theme, but each one is a completely unique
tune” and featured such timeless acts as Celine Dion and A
Flock of Seagulls.
There are a few general guidelines to be aware of as well.
Staying away from sobering music is advisable; keep in mind
you’re trying to stay good-humored through the many hours
ahead. For example, I’d have to say that listening to
Beck’s slow and subdued “Sea Change” is one of
the worst ideas you could have on an airplane, right up there with
trusting any seafood they might have to offer you.
In fact, those are five S’s right there to avoid on a
plane: sobering, subdued, slow, “Sea Change” and
seafood.
But there is one S that comes highly recommended for air travel
““ Sly and the Family Stone, a personal favorite for these
kinds of occasions. Sly will have you groovin’ all the way to
Africa and back. The single-disc “Anthology” is the
band’s best all-purpose collection, and even contains the
aptly titled “I Want to Take You Higher,” during which
you won’t be able to resist singing along with the chorus and
draw stares from everyone around you.
On the topic of ironic titles, it’s also advisable to
avoid tempting fate and leave anything along the lines of Guns
N’ Roses’ “Appetite for Destruction” or any
Rage Against the Machine albums safely at home. Just in case the
terror warning happens to be orange or red that day.
Finally, remember to take advantage of circumstances and sneak
in a guilty pleasure CD or two. Anything you like but won’t
defend, and won’t have to because no one will know the
difference on a plane. In my case, it was a Fountains of Wayne
disc.
Unlike on a road trip, compromising on music isn’t
required, and people have several hours to sit and listen to
exactly what they want. Everyone’s personal set list is
going to differ, but for your next flight remember to pack Disc 2
of Prince’s “Sign o’ the Times,” Sly and
the Family Stone’s “Anthology” and
Britney’s lastest album. Because you know you can’t get
enough of “Toxic.”
E-mail Lee at alee2@media.ucla.edu.