Sex ““ from the seductive Abercrombie & Fitch model on
the billboard on the Sunset Strip, to almost every bedroom in
America, to the magazine rack at Borders, to the nooks and crannies
of the UCLA campus ““ it is here to haunt us, plague us, and
please us.
And it’s impossible to deny that sex takes up a hefty
amount of a college student’s life, whether it be fantasizing
during class, masturbating in the shower, or having a royal romp
with your partner. So baby, let’s talk about sex.
But let’s talk about real sex. Because I’m disgusted
by some of the sexual advice available for our consumption.
For instance, the March 2005 issue of Cosmopolitan magazine has
suggestions that range from “what his touch tells you”
to “methods for making him feel like the man” ““
which included initiating some action, fussing over him, and
offering praise. Personally, my purpose in sleeping with someone is
not to reassure him of his masculinity.
I was further perturbed when I picked up a copy of Glamour
magazine. I found I was magnificently unenlightened when I found
out why “men like to compress (my) breasts into one giant
uniboob” and why “guys are obsessed with making women
scream like porn stars.” (The idea of my breasts springing to
life and offering a sexy, vagina-like, crevasse to lick just
doesn’t do it for me. And while I’m all for giving him
positive feedback, if a guy doesn’t make me want to scream
like a porn star, it’s not going to happen.)
The photo of a man sadistically approaching a woman cowering
under her sheets further rubbed me the wrong way. The caption
““ “Man? Vampire? Sometimes it’s hard to
tell” ““ only added to my perplexity.
I’m genuinely frustrated by the mostly negative (and
generally heterosexual) portrayals of sex when, for the most part,
it’s an incredibly positive experience.
So it’s time to become sex-positive. The sex-positive
movement is an attempt to transition people into being open about
sex. It emphasizes sexual pleasure as a fundamental part of the
human experience and encourages experimentation.
The movement has its origin in the ’60s and ’70s,
but is continuing to grow, especially on college campuses. Five
years ago, Vassar College launched its erotic magazine Squirm,
which acted as a forerunner for other college-run erotic
magazines.
Only last year the Committee of College Life at Harvard voted to
approve H Bomb magazine, its own salacious publication, and the
first issue came out last spring.
According to Squirm’s mission statement, “Squirm
lives and thrives in the gray, blurring boundaries, deconstructing
assumptions and tracing the intricate contours of sex in all its
forms and meanings.”
And this is exactly the message the sex-positive movement is
trying to promote. Being sex-positive is about loving and knowing
your body. It’s about not being embarrassed about what turns
you on, and it’s about being open about sexual pleasure.
There’s even a Coalition for Positive Sex, which is a
non-profit, grassroots activist group dedicated to the spread of
sex-positive education. They run a Web site dedicated to the
discussion of sex, which includes a section on sexual
decision-making for teens called “Just Say Yes.”
It’s all about saying yes to what you want and saying no
to what you don’t want. There’s nothing wrong with
wanting to have sex, and there’s nothing wrong with
abstaining from it.
The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom is another grassroots
group dedicated to a sex-positive mission. Its purpose is to assist
and support alternative sexual communities ““ anything from
sadomasochism to polygamy. Their mission is to defend sexual
freedom.
And that’s what this column is here to promote ““ a
sex-positive attitude. I’m here to answer questions, correct
misconceptions, and provide insight into the world of sexual
pleasure.
So baby, let’s talk about sex.
Show Lara your wild side by e-mailing your questions,
comments and steamy recants to
lloewenstein@media.ucla.edu.