Whenever I asked my mom, “Where do babies come
from?” she told me that I came from a special seed, as
ridiculous as it seems.
I never did receive “the talk” from my mom. My
friends, enlightened with “the truth” thanks to candid
discussions with their parents, eventually satisfied my
curiosity.
Raised within Korean culture, where talk of sex and intimacy is
taboo, yet exposed to more liberal American ideas, I found myself
generally confused about sex.
But one thing is common between the two cultures: Society too
quickly judges people based on their sexual lifestyles and
decisions.
It’s ironic that such personal qualities are used to
immediately judge a person. Opinions about sex are unique to each
individual and simply cannot be categorized as “moral”
or “immoral.”
For instance, it’s interesting that many instantly
classify a sexually active person as “trashy”
(especially a woman), labeling the person as generally immoral.
On the other hand, a person (especially a man) that refrains
from sex is suspiciously viewed as a prude.
The more people I talked to about their personal sexual beliefs,
the more I realized how so many aspects of life shape these
opinions ““ experience, cultural backgrounds, parents’
beliefs, religion, etc.
And since such variations exist, who’s to say what’s
right and what’s wrong?
Like any controversial issue, arguments for different beliefs on
sex all carry some validity. As I listened to these different
stances, I found it difficult to pinpoint the morality of each.
“Being sexually free is different from having a lot of
sex,” said Kyla Searle, a second-year world arts and cultures
student.
She stressed the importance of being emotionally and physically
prepared and said, “When the moment hits you and you feel
right … go ahead. It’s supposed to be your individual
creation, just as much as your own identity.”
Ly Lam, a third-year psychobiology student, tackled the issue
differently.
“There are some things that should be saved, to be given
to the person you marry,” Lam said. “When you wait,
your relationship is stronger because you still have yet to
experience something new with the person.”
And of course, gender plays a big role in the variances among
opinions about sex. Why is it that a bed-hopping man is commended,
but a woman who sleeps around is accused of promiscuity and a lack
of integrity?
As we discussed the various views, labels and other forms of
judgment that come from different opinions about sex, Alex Webb, a
graduate geology student, challenged, “Why does (sex life)
have to be adjudicated?”
I found myself asking the same question. Why, in a society that
encourages open-mindedness and tolerance of individuality and
differences in opinion, do people judge someone’s whole
character based on individual choices about sex? Why do we meddle
into such personal beliefs and readily label people
accordingly?
As I searched for my next candidate to interview, I scanned the
potential faces passing by and fully absorbed the endless diversity
before me.
The faces represented different ethnicities, races, religions
(or lack thereof), cultural backgrounds and personal beliefs
““ all contributing to differing personal opinions of sex.
I learned “the truth” about where babies come from a
while ago, but I only recently learned another truth: Each person
is entitled to an individual decision about sex, regardless of
current “moral standards.”
While my culture’s excessive bashfulness toward sex may
seem silly in an American context, my background certainly
influenced my personal beliefs about sex ““ an opinion as
right as any other.
If you know where babies come from, e-mail Yoo at
jyoo@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments to
viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.