Are you in the mood for love? Even if you’re not, you’ll have to deal with other people who most definitely are, with the most cootie-filled holiday coming up this weekend ““ Valentine’s Day.
There are a few different versions of the origins of Valentine’s Day according to my favorite scholarly source, Wikipedia. One says that the holiday stems from honoring two Christian martyrs named Valentine, and was later associated with romantic love thanks to Chaucer and his involvement with courtly love.
A way grosser version comes from Belarus and says that when St. Valentine was rejected by his mistress, he stabbed himself in the heart and sent it, still beating, to her to pledge his undying love. It’s great to know that heart-shaped chocolates, satin pillows and greeting cards were inspired by a horrific suicide.
The meaning of Valentine’s Day changes for us as we grow up, too. In elementary school, we had to pledge our undying love to everyone in the class with cardboard “Space Jam” valentines. Now, we’re college students with boyfriends or girlfriends who don’t refuse to kiss us or walk us to the drinking fountain at recess (most of the time). It’s all about us ladies wanting a little extra sumpin’ sumpin’ from our man, while men can pretty much guarantee that they’ll get some sex in exchange for a diamond heart pendant from Zales.
Because it is a holiday, that means we have an excuse to do fun things to “celebrate” it, whether you think it’s a totally bunk example of commercialism, or a sweet, traditional expression of love. But you don’t have to be in a starry-eyed relationship to enjoy the day. I have a few suggestions for what to do on this historically morbid holiday for people of varying relationship statuses.
If you’re single and bitter about it, you have permission to shamelessly revel in your misery. Yeah, maybe no one likes you, your non-single friends won’t stop bragging about all the great sex they’re having, and you spend Friday nights watching “What Not To Wear” marathons on TLC. So? Stacy and Clinton are all the friends you need right now. Plus the people they’re blessing with makeovers are way more pathetic than you.
Watch the movie “Welcome to the Dollhouse.” It’s a film about a seventh-grade girl named Dawn Wiener, who is not so affectionately called Wiener Dog by all the kids in school. Dawn just can’t catch a break ““ even her parents don’t really like her. I won’t spoil the ending for you, but it will warm your heart and make you feel better about yourself, mostly because you are no longer a seventh-grade girl.
If you’re lucky enough to be young and in love on this fine day, the opportunities for Valentine’s Day activities are as boundless as the empty truffle wrappers on Oprah’s bedroom floor. Nothing gets me in the mood for love like a romantic evening at the cinema ““ there’s something about being in a dark theater full of strangers and crying children that is just so romantic, and I’m convinced that that fake butter is an aphrodisiac. I recommend going to see “My Bloody Valentine” in 3-D to really experience the atmosphere of the holiday.
For those of you who are single and proud of it, congratulations. You don’t need a man or special lady friend to be happy ““ all you need is alcohol and your homies to have an awesome time in life. Valentine’s Day can be about going out and drinking cosmos with your girlfriends and trying to memorize the dance from Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” video, which really can only be done after a half-dozen cosmos anyway. And for those single guys out there, there is absolutely nothing stopping you from getting slammed at Brew Co. and trying to get hot freshman girls to swipe you some Bruin Café. This holiday is all about love, isn’t it?
If you’ve just gotten out of a serious relationship, I agree with you ““ your life is definitely over. It’s your breakup, and you can cry if you want to. So cry. Cry all night long with a stereotypical Ben & Jerry’s carton in hand, or for the more dramatic cases, don’t eat for a few days. Let’s be real ““ this day is really going to suck for you, no matter what cliche breakup steps you take. I guess I don’t really have any recommendations for those of you that fit into this category, but just know that shortly after Feb. 14 comes Feb. 15, a day as meaningless as your existence.
If you’ve already got half of the “Single Ladies” dance down with no heartbreak to speak of, e-mail McReynolds at dmcreynolds@media.ucla.edu.