Lasagna disaster spurs search for winner

I am having a lasagna contest and you’re invited. If you
e-mail me the best lasagna recipe on campus by the end of this
month, I’ll make you a free dessert.

You see, this week hasn’t been working out so well for me
in the food department.

I was craving lasagna, but didn’t know how to make it.

So I did what I usually do in such situations: skimmed several
lasagna recipes, looking for common ingredients and suggested
cooking temperatures.

Then, using the information I’d gleaned as my nebulous
guide, I jumbled together something that resembled lasagna, slid it
into the oven and hoped for the best.

This method normally works well for me. I can usually figure out
how to tweak the resulting recipe so that it’s even better,
but my first result is generally pretty good.

This time, it was a disaster.

I ended up with sheets of overly chewy pasta drowning in pale
pink sauce. It tasted fine, but it looked unappetizing, proved
impossible to cut into squares and definitely wasn’t
lasagna.

A night in the refrigerator didn’t do much to help the
dish. I’d been hoping that, given time, the noodles would
soak up the excess liquids and turn into a lunch I would recognize
and enjoy.

This didn’t happen ““ although it looked promisingly
solid while cold, the food slumped over into a soupy mess after
less than 20 seconds in the microwave.

Now I need to save face. I need to learn how to make lasagna
““ not just any lasagna, but the very best lasagna ““ and
I need to write about it in my next column.

Here’s where you come in.

Send me your lasagna recipes. E-mail them to
lraab@media.ucla.edu by March 31.

Over spring break, I’ll be logging a considerable amount
of time in my own kitchen, furthering my descent into madness as I
test out all your recipes and feed them to a jury of our peers.

On April 7, I’ll print the winning recipe. If it’s
yours, I’ll credit you in the column and bake you a cake,
pie, or batch of cookies of your choosing. If you live in Westwood,
I’ll even deliver it.

Ready? Go!

Meanwhile, here’s my disastrous recipe. If you can do
better than this, you have a good shot. Here’s how not to
make lasagna:

Boil nine lasagna noodles in a pot that’s too small,
scalding your fingers as you try to coax the sheets of pasta into
the water without breaking them.

Mix 15 ounces of ricotta cheese, one egg, 16 ounces of grated
mozzarella cheese and a teaspoon of black pepper, creating a light
yellow mixture with the consistency of Play-Doh.

When the noodles are cooked, lay three of them side by side to
cover the bottom of an eight-inch square baking dish.

Spread one-third of a cup of tomato sauce over the pasta.

Repeat the steps twice more, until you use up all the noodles
and cheese mixture.

Bake at 325 degrees for half an hour, until the cheese is melted
throughout.

Try to pawn the resulting puddle off on your friends, with very
little success.

Develop a much better lasagna recipe, enter it into a contest
held by a local newspaper and win a dessert.

Want free pie? Got a good lasagna recipe? E-mail Raab at
lraab@media.ucla.edu by March 31.

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