Anyone on Facebook or with access to the Internet or with two ears and a few friends can attest to the uproar of heated opinions and wounded emotions that came with the Facebook remodel a few weeks ago. Many have theorized that the new Facebook was just trying to emulate the Web site Twitter, the new hot thing, apparently, that bills itself as “service for friends, family and co-workers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing?”
Rather than “friending” people like you do on Facebook, you follow people on Twitter, and are updated as to when they “tweet,” or when they write about what they’re doing, what they’re thinking about, what silly thing their kids are doing and in many cases, which passage of the Bible applies to their emotions regarding the sunset that night. Oh, it happens.
Where Twitter is wrong in its self-described purpose is that people want to stay connected with people that they actually know IRL (that’s hip Internet slang for “in real life”). Most of the people I know, myself included, are only on Twitter to follow/stalk celebrities.
The only thing more hilarious in the world than a ridiculous celebrity with a Twitter account is thousands of ridiculous celebrities with Twitter accounts. I could just copy down several tweets from these accounts and they would be more entertaining than anything I could write myself in this column. Any celebrity who is anyone has a Twitter account, the best-of list including “Kazaam!” star Shaquille O’Neal, Martha Stewart, Demi Moore, Ann Coulter, P. Diddy, Lance Armstrong and Andy Milonakis (a barrel of huge, sad LOLs). And that’s just a random smattering. Even Satan has a Twitter. Jesus Christ has several.
O’Neal has famously been a crazy prominent member of the Twitter community for awhile now, at
twitter.com/THE_REAL_SHAQ, where he tweets at fellow NBA players, rappers and fans alike. The way Shaq has utilized Twitter is not only funny in its thousands of misspellings and ridiculous abbreviations, but it’s also egalitarian, with Shaq himself often offering to meet up with his followers. This accessibility he grants his fans warrants some kudos, which is really only possible through the workings of Twitter.
Not only is it interesting to see what types of things celebrities are thinking about and doing at any given time, but it’s hilarious to see the ways in which they present their thoughts. Which celebrities will use Internet abbreviations and spell everything wrong? Which will take this website seriously and which will make a mockery of it? With the case of a few celebrities on Twitter, like Michael Ian Black, you can hear their voice coming through. Same with Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal, who tweeted on March 26, “I signed an executive order today that created the Louisiana Innovation Council. Fresh ideas to overcome our challenges.” LOL!
It is incredibly easy to personally contact these celebrities. This in no way means that they’ll reply back to you, though since some celebrities have hundreds of thousands of people who follow them, the way in which the Web site is organized makes it feel like the messages you’re sending to celebrities are getting through.
My friend Kristen is a big fanemy (someone you would loathe as a friend or person but love as a cultural icon) of the villains from “The Hills,” Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, known collectively as Speidi. Kristen is a recent member to the Twitter community, having joined just a few months ago, but set a lofty goal that many people with Twitter accounts do: Try to get the celebrities to individually reply to her by sucking up to them hardcore.
Spencer Pratt has 5,500 followers, and my guess is that he gets roughly that amount of people tweeting at him per day. Obviously, he’s not going to reply to everyone who wants him to reply back at him ““ it’s like 21st century fan mail: All of it is clearly not going to be answered, but the fact that you get to send it at all elicits a glimmer of hope that maybe they’ll think of you for a moment ““ just one moment.
Kristen noticed that Montag and Pratt, evangelical Christians, tweeted about reading the Bible and praying a lot in their Twitters, and so Kristen faked religiousness herself to appeal to the personality of Heidi.
“I just pay attention to the kinds of things that they respond to and because I honor their vanity,” Kristen said. “They’re always Twittering back at those people.”
Pratt made a rant about all of his “haters” out there, and Kristen seized the opportunity to suck up to him, replying to him with, “F*** the haters! I always say that at least you’re making a name for yourself if people are gonna talk about it. God Bless!” And then, it happened. Pratt responded to Kristen with two little words that changed her life, “thanks kris.”
“My heart soared,” Kristen said. “The fact that he called me “˜kris’ was just such a beautiful moment. I felt so accomplished.”
Kristen was victorious, and her story no doubt will go down in history. The debate over the social worth of Twitter will continue, but in this case, I think we can conclude that dreams … really do come true, IRL.
If you want to help McReynolds start fake celebrity Twitter accounts, then e-mail her at