Brenden Nemeth-Brown Nemeth-Brown is an
international economics and political science student who can be
reached at bnb@ucla.edu.
Click Here for more articles by Brenden Nemeth-Brown
Love is a bourgeois fallacy. I know what you’re thinking:
I must be either jaded or disillusioned with life to make such a
bold statement. Love, which is manifested through many forms of
media and other persuasions, is a concept at the center of many of
our lives. I do not contend, however, that one cannot feel empathy,
compassion or desire for someone else. I am merely stating that
such an absolute ideal like love is impossible in the relative
world we live in.
This idea came to me after re-reading one of my favorite works,
“The Stranger,” by Albert Camus. This book lays the
groundwork for the existentialist argument which permeated France
after World War II. Although I would not classify myself as an
existentialist, there were certain points that Camus touched upon
that moved me. One of these points was his theory on love. In this
thinly-masked autobiographical tale, a woman falls deeply “in
love” with Meursault (or for all intensive purposes, Camus).
When asked if he loves her, Camus replies, “that
doesn’t mean anything but I don’t think so.” When
I first read this, I thought Camus must be crazy. How could he not
know something as real as love? Was he only using this woman for
sex? Am I supposed to applaud his decision to dodge her
question?
But then a light bulb flashed in my mind and it has been on ever
since. I asked myself the basic question, “What is
love?” I soon realized I had no adequate answer. This was
partly due to the fact that I was unsure if I had been in love, and
also to the fact that I realized words were no substitute for
feelings. I then realized that I had no idea how anyone manifests
their feelings for another person.
Do other people concentrate more on desire than I do? More on
compassion? Tranquility? Volatility? There is too much relative
meaning in the word “love” to absolutely describe
it.
It was soon after this I began looking at everything
differently. What did every movie I see have in it? Absolute
notions of love and sex. What did every magazine cover make me
think about? Love and sex. What did every horribly pop-laden,
syrupy-sweet Britney Spears and *NSYNC song make me think of? Love
and sex.
And then it hit me; for so long, I without question received and
accepted all these images of love and sex. I became saturated by it
until I was consumed with a desire for a woman. I was happy with my
grades, my friends, my work and I believed that the only missing
piece of my life was a girlfriend!
 Illustration by ERICA PINTO/Daily Bruin Everyone
I’ve spoken to concerning this issue agreed that the security
and warmth a significant other brings to a relationship does allow
for peace in one’s life. I can only think of Tom
Cruise’s quivering voice in Jerry Maguire urgently
whispering, “You complete me.” That’s when I knew
all my preconceived notions of love were wrong. You complete me?
Does anyone believe they will come to a point where they will no
longer need to improve themselves? Can an absolute state of
perfection, or should I say completion, exist? The answer is
no.
This is not to say one cannot feel deeply for one another. I
don’t want you to think I’m some bitter recluse who got
burned one too many times by girls I’ve cared too much for. I
will say, however, that I am very aware of the relativity of the
word “love.” I am also very afraid and cautious to use
it because I am unsure of its exact meaning.
Think about this ““ do you think Snoop Dogg and Danielle
Steel have the same notion of love? While one celebrates improbable
romances with cliché-riddled dialogue, the other claims,
“Bitch, you without me is like Hell Neville without the Blue
Notes, you ain’t never going platinum.” Now, some might
say that Snoop, while a noted great philosopher on women, may not
understand what love is. Well, I would agree with you. But who is
to say which version is right? Is the desire Snoop feels for a
woman any less true than the melodrama Steel writes about in her
novels?
It is important that we all become educated citizens of the
world. It is important to be cognizant of different points of view.
In America, we all live in a society dominated by Judeo-Christian
beliefs that are much more conservative than ideologies in other
countries. Love and sex are treated differently in America than
they are anywhere else in the world. This fact alone illustrates
the relativity of the meaning of “love.”
The reason why I call love a “bourgeois fallacy” is
that it is perpetuated by the rich through forms of media like
television, movies and music. Those who have power, money and
influence are capable of warping the mind of a populace. When you
look at a magazine rack filled with images of thin, big-breasted
white women, you associate that with “beauty.” When you
watch movies like “Titanic” and “Jerry
Maguire,” you find yourself caught up in a love story about
finding “true love.” But after a careful examination of
your own beliefs, can you honestly say that what movies, television
and music capture is love? Do the Backstreet Boys have it right
when they sing, “You are/my fire/the one/desire?” Do
you feel moved? Or do you feel sickened by the over-used
clichés that permeate music and other forms of media?
Re-reading what I’ve written, I can tell some of you may
think my argument is weak for relying on boy and girl bands to make
my point. To that, I would say do not underestimate the power of
media. The average American comes across the ideal of love multiple
times each day, and although many dismiss its presence, you cannot
fully escape its grasp.
In Nazi-Germany, 60 years ago, one could not escape the
anti-Semitic propaganda that permeated media. Today, you can be
thrown in prison for denying the Holocaust ever happened. Have the
German people made a quantum leap in their evolutionary make-up to
become more accepting? No, but Germany’s ideology has. Mass
media is amazingly effective at warping an individual’s mind.
Even understanding this will not free an individual’s
mind.
No one is an island of intellectual thought; we are all
influenced by each other. The only question that remains is how
much of yourself is defined through society’s beliefs?
I do not contend that two people cannot have feelings for one
another. Nor do I contend that two people cannot honestly believe
that they are in love. I do, however, contend that the word meaning
of “love” has become a cliché in our society and
can thus be dubbed meaningless. Only you can derive meaning from
that word.
The absolute notion of love exhibited throughout society is a
fallacy that has duped the masses. It is the great opiate of
America, because we will all fall in love one day, won’t
we?