Every couple of months some group of rich guys tries to bring an
NFL team back to Los Angeles. Sometimes they want to use the
Coliseum, sometimes it’s the Rose Bowl, and other times the
businessmen want to build a new stadium with taxpayers’
money.
I don’t understand why Los Angeles needs another
professional sports team. The Anaheim Angels, the Los Angeles
Lakers and the Los Angeles Galaxy all won championships this
year.
Los Angeles is the pinnacle of sports towns, and if you get
bored with shopping, hanging out with celebrities and surfing, just
remember:
Los Angeles Sparks, 2002 WNBA Champions.
After the mass exodus of 1995 that saw the Raiders and the Rams
skip town faster than former Bruin Matt Barnes was sent to the
developmental league, Los Angeles was only left with college
football teams ““ clearly a good thing.
Obviously, college football rules. Our Bruins are 7-3, and a
packed Rose Bowl on a brisk Saturday in the fall is a thing of
beauty.
College football is not tainted by the sloth, gluttony and
vanity of the NFL.
C’mon, pro football players drive Escalades whereas
college football players … well, scratch that one.
So here they are, from the home offices in Westwood, California,
the top ten reasons why pro football is lame and college football
rules:
10. Professional football is for uncouth nacho eaters. The NFL
is a vapid, soulless waste of AstroTurf that exemplifies everything
that is wrong with American culture.
9. Pro football players are old. The Chiefs’ place kicker
Morten Andersen is 42 years old, and Jerry Rice is 40.
8. NFL fans have less of a sense of belonging or team spirit
when they cheer for a pro football team ““ NFL players
don’t cheat off me in class. We’ve all done our part to
make UCLA football players eligible to play.
7. NFL players are egotistical and self-absorbed. They use a lot
of hair gel and pluck their eyebrows (so do USC football
players).
6. The movie “Any Given Sunday.” On the other hand,
one of the greatest films of all time, “Rudy,” is about
college football.
5. John Madden.
4. NFL overtime is completely illogical (whoever scores first
wins, making the coin toss, and luck, crucial), whereas collegiate
overtime is a paragon of fairness.
3. Replay is stupid.
2. The thing about college football is you’ve got one team
trying to win the game. And the other team is trying to achieve the
same goal. So you have two teams fighting for the same prize. It
makes for an exciting game ““ you don’t get that in pro
football.
1. NFL players get paid more.