Directed by Jessica Bendinger Buena Vista
Pictures
As many are undoubtedly aware, a bad movie can be so classified
for numerous reasons. It could be badly put together, its technical
elements such as editing and cinematography so shoddy as to make
the film unwatchable. Or perhaps its acting is atrocious, with
wholly unbelievable portrayals or actors who do not get into their
characters sufficiently. These, combined with lackluster scripts,
form terrible movies.
So is “Stick It,” the latest effort from
“Bring it On” director Jessica Bendinger, a terrible
movie? No. It’s actually something far worse: a stupefyingly
boring, mediocre movie.
How mediocre? So much so that I would compare it to sitting in a
dark room for two hours staring at pictures on a wall and getting
periodic text messages from a friend updating the status of the
Lakers-Suns game. Which is pretty much what I did.
“Stick It” tells the story of Haley Graham (Missy
Peregrym, an absolute dead-ringer for Hilary Swank), a former
gymnastics star turned rebellious teen. After getting in trouble
with the law, Haley is sent to the Vickerman Gymnastics Academy as
punishment. The school, run by Burt Vickerman (Jeff Bridges), is
filled with gymnasts like Joanne Charis (Vanessa Lengies) who
dislike Haley for pulling out of the World Championships two years
prior and costing her team a medal.
The basic plot involves Haley being a free-spirited rebel, a
point further hammered home by the fact that she wears Black Flag,
Motörhead and Bad Brains shirts, since wearing hardcore band
T-shirts is obviously just so … hardcore.
The truth is Haley Graham is probably the most unlikable movie
character since Jennifer Connelly in “House of Sand and
Fog.” In fact, both characters are similar in that they are
frustratingly selfish, bratty and condescending in just about
everything they do and say. This is further complicated by the fact
that, in the beginning, viewers are supposed to sympathize with
Haley as she trains with Vickerman, who is supposedly crazy.
However, Vickerman mostly comes off as a level-headed, calm
individual, while Haley is the one who looks like a nutcase. In
short, it’s difficult to connect with a movie when you
can’t help but despise its main heroine.
The acting on the whole isn’t a complete wash, though.
Jeff Bridges does a serviceable job as Burt Vickerman, but one
can’t help but wonder what an actor of his caliber is doing
here. Besides, every time I see Bridges now, I see the Dude, and
it’s rather odd seeing the Dude teach a bunch of teenage
girls how to do gymnastics moves.
On the plus side, the choreography in “Stick It” is
pretty stellar. There is one sequence in particular that resembles
a synchronized swimming routine, where some camera tricks make a
kaleidoscopic effect of girls performing gymnastics. It’s a
very interesting visual choice. Unfortunately, it’s one of
the few interesting things about the movie.
Oh sure, the filmmakers attempt to keep you interested.
Particularly, the movie uses just about every single overused
camera effect from the past decade, including but not limited to
random switches to slow-motion at any given time, stuttering,
frame-dropping pans and zooms, and time-lapse photography that
looks like it belongs in a National Geographic special about fire
ants eating a deer carcass. In a word: “meh.”
The problem with “Stick It” isn’t that
it’s bad ““ at least if that were the case, it could be
salvaged by parking your brain at the door or just going with it
and not expecting anything. Unfortunately, “Stick It”
is just a boring movie. There isn’t really anything at stake
the entire time, and even when the filmmakers try to make it seem
as though there is, there is a general lack of urgency throughout.
Granted, there is a mildly amusing shift in tone in the
movie’s final 30 minutes, and I think I even smiled and
chuckled once. Then again, this smile and chuckle was in response
to a text message I received telling me that Steve Nash and Sasha
Vujacic had been involved in a mid-court skirmish in the Lakers
game, so I’m not sure if that counts.
Add to all these qualities an extremely formulaic “sports
movie” narrative structure and a woefully anticlimactic
ending and you have a movie that is exceedingly mediocre in every
facet.
“Stick It” is not unforgettably terrible. It’s
terribly forgettable.
E-mail Humphrey at mhumphrey@media.ucla.edu.