We all know what it’s like to be a teenager, when every personal problem seems to threaten the very balance of the universe, when our every emotion is as overwrought as a My Chemical Romance song. Like it or not, we’ve all related to “Twilight” at some point or another.
That’s what Stephenie Meyer, in her superhumanly successful book series, wants us to feel again ““ rather, what she desperately needs us to feel, with every ounce of energy and every fiber of our being ““ bolded, underlined, in all capital letters with a whole line of exclamation points. In the “Twilight” universe, life actually works the way we thought it did at our most hormonal. It’s always true love, it’s always life or death, it’s always a really big deal.
The stakes only get higher in “Eclipse,” the saga’s third installment ““ and, if we’re talking generalities, easily the best so far. This time, Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) must finally choose between her frighteningly overprotective vampire boyfriend Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) and her frighteningly overprotective werewolf friend Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner). That such a dysfunctional love triangle has become the most ubiquitous Hollywood love story of our time cannot be a good sign.
There’s never really any serious hope for Team Jacob, which is a shame, because since “New Moon,” in which he did his best impression of a cardboard cutout, Lautner seems to have learned how to act. This Jacob is several times more believable and much more frequently clothed.
Edward, on the other hand, is downright creepy, for reasons unrelated to vampirism. He clings to Bella and manipulates her with an intensity that would well serve a cult leader, while his pale face and yellow contact lenses make him appear jaundiced. His intimate scenes with Bella are disconcerting, and their future together seems destined to be torturously melodramatic, making Jacob by contrast the sensible option, shape-shifting and fangs and all.
But David Slade, in his “Twilight” saga directing debut, balances all this romance, reminiscent of Catherine Hardwicke’s first “Twilight” film,” with Chris Weitz’s emphasis on action and fantasy in “New Moon.” Where Weitz got lost in silliness, though, Slade ratchets up the darkness and the sense of doom, juxtaposing scenes of a gathering army of evil vampires with idyllic shots of Bella and her friends carrying on unaware.
“Eclipse” is also the best-looking installment yet, with the glaring exception of Stewart; having cut her hair short to play Joan Jett in “The Runaways,” she seems to alternate between two wigs, one straight and perfect, the other wavy and slightly disheveled. When wearing the former, she’s made up so heavily that she looks like a porcelain doll.
Viewers who assume from this that Edward has already turned her into a vampire will be mightily confused, since this is the second consecutive installment she spends consumed with the idea of transforming as soon as possible.
Dakota Fanning also looks wrong as Jane, a young leader in the vampire governing body known as the Volturi, and she sounds even worse, like a child pretending half-heartedly to be scary. Fortunately, Nikki Reed and Anna Kendrick pick up the slack in their brief scenes as a disillusioned vampire and Bella’s high school friend, respectively, though another appearance by Michael Sheen as the leader of the Volturi would have been more than welcome.
And there are still moments, of course, many more than there should be, when “Eclipse” veers into spectacular absurdity, such as when Edward must watch as Bella cuddles with a shirtless Jacob for warmth because his own vampire skin emits no heat. The three of them talk about love with cliches on steroids, and when Edward and Bella finally have a direct conversation about sex, as awkward it is, it’s nice to see them finally acknowledge what’s been driving all this angst from the beginning.
The final book in the series, “Breaking Dawn,” will translate into two films over the next two years, with “Dreamgirls” director Bill Condon taking over for Slade. If you ask me, “Eclipse” is a reasonably tough act to follow. If you ask Meyer, she’ll likely say that it would require a near-impossible display of courage and heroism, that the future of the planet hangs in the balance. But that’s just how things work in the “Twilight” universe.