Stephen King. Sarah Palin. John Grisham. Dan Brown.
Amazon’s top-selling books are looking like an especially easy “Which one doesn’t belong?” question. The former governor’s “Going Rogue: An American Life” has been in the top 100 for 43 days. It currently sits only behind Stephen King’s “Under the Dome,” and Palin’s book has not even come out yet.
Though this alone surely makes Palin’s book an “important” one, I have other reasons for reading “Going Rogue.”
To read Palin in my last year of undergraduate education is sure to be what reading Arthur Ashe’s autobiography was in my last year of middle school.
Enriching. Stimulating. Revelatory.
As a student in liberal, sunny California, I am automatically out of touch with the real America. Without Palin’s voice ““ dripping with Americana as it is ““ my peers and I at liberal universities such as UCLA would be at a loss for our own true identity.
Palin’s book tour is skipping the thrust of America’s large but liberal cities (Los Angeles, New York, San Francisco, Chicago and Philadelphia). The message is clear ““ Palin does not intend to waste time on the hokey professor types that populate the cloudy, intellectualized circles of Chicago and New York. Not letting our zip codes restrict us, my roommates and I have already begun our Craigslist search for a rideshare to the Sam’s Club in South Strabane Township, Pennsylvania.
Reading Palin’s book will also help me understand the visceral reaction that follows her every move. As of now, it is hard for me to understand why so many people in big cities hate Sarah Palin so much. But maybe that’s because I’ve only seen her speeches and read her op-eds to the mainstream media. After 432 pages (1.4 pounds) of Palinspeak, I’m sure to understand her well enough to connect with her in that special way that so many Americans already have.
In their typical, cowardly way, the leftist publishing houses have already created spoofs of Palin’s magnum opus. Given their lack of creativity in solving our nation’s problems, it’s not surprising that two of these works share the same name, “Going Rouge.”
One is a collection of critical essays compiled by editors of The Nation magazine. The book, subtitled “An American Nightmare,” promises to be full of the liberal smear tactics that are so familiar to any consumers of the mainstream media. It includes essays featured in the Wall Street Journal, the Anchorage Daily News and bloggers.
The other is a coloring book, with an entire page titled “Dress Sarah for Success!” Aside from the fact that this is yet another spineless attack on a strong woman, the notion that Palin would wear an Alaskan wolf pelt skirt is clearly baseless. They don’t sell pelt skirts at Neiman Marcus.
Once I’ve read “Going Rogue,” I’ll be armed with the right responses to their lies. Sarah will tell me how to respond to all the questions they will undoubtedly pose.
The former governor will tell me why it is “no problem” for a politician with demonstrably limited intelligence to hold the highest esteem of millions of American families. She will help me wink and nod my way through the most difficult questions.
She will teach me how to go rogue ““ how to use your baby with Down syndrome as the political equivalent of a foam hand, perfect for waving around as evidence of one’s commitment to what’s right, like she does at every stump speech. She will help me fight against the hullabaloo on health care. She will elucidate the evils of socialism, but also the evils of comprehensive and equal education. She will teach me how to free this country from the stranglehold sexual liberality has placed upon it, all without disclosing any dirty secrets about contraceptives or “safe sex.”
I will read “Going Rogue,” because when the man in the White House is doing everything he can to give you health care and better your schools (read: empty your pockets), we could all use a little wailing from Wasilla.
Want to join the “Going Rogue” book club? E-mail Makarechi at kmakarechi@media.ucla.edu.