I was at Sepi’s on Tuesday, enjoying a pint or 12 of Amber Bock and playing Uno, when I heard the news.
“You might want to step outside dude … Darren Collison has a high ankle sprain.”
First thought: Irritated that Uno game was interrupted.
Second thought: Must change bracket.
Third thought: Massive heart failure.
I must say, I completely freaked out. Over the next hour or so, as I continuously got drunker and drunker, I called more and more people to inform them. By the time I was done, it was like a game of telephone I was playing with just myself, and Darren Collison was in a body cast and might never play again.
So I overreacted. (Remember, kids, never tell Dave anything important when he’s drunk.)
Collison’s not that hurt. My bracket doesn’t need to be changed. There’s always more Uno to play. I can always get a heart transplant.
Still and all, I can’t freaking take it, man (or woman).
Most people get pretty excited about March Madness. Hey, for most of my life, I’ve been one of those people.
Doesn’t matter. For the next three weeks, I’m going to be an absolute wreck.
I’ve been over this before, but I’m a senior. (We won’t say graduating senior quite yet, because that would be premature.) Last year, UCLA lost in the championship game and I was basically numb for a two-to-three-day period. (Yeah, I’m totally nuts.) I can’t take that again.
UCLA needs to win. Not for Arron Afflalo, not for Ben Howland, not for the tens of thousands of UCLA students who have gone their entire tenures without seeing a basketball national championship. The Bruins need to win this for me (and the Gipper, but mostly for me).
My friend asked me the other day why I take UCLA basketball and football so seriously, especially considering UCLA has never done anything for me.
I didn’t have an answer, partially because fandom is inherently irrational, and partially because UCLA hasn’t done anything for me beyond accepting me and giving me the opportunity to screw around for three and one-third years before coming to the realization that a 2.57 GPA probably won’t get me into law school.
So, do something for me UCLA. (OK, I’ll give you credit for introducing me to ranch dressing on my pizza. That’s pretty money.)
I need Collison to be healthy. I need Afflalo to not struggle in the tournament like he did last year. I need Alfred Aboya to not get called for all the fouls he commits. (I’m resigned to him just behaving like a bulldozer. In fact, I’ve come to appreciate it.) I need Lorenzo Mata to be perfect with his hook shot. I need Ryan Wright to catch the ball.
Mostly, I need a national championship.
If UCLA wins the national championship, I will probably weep like a little girl. If the Bruins lose before winning the national championship, I will probably weep like a little girl. Of course, that’s mostly because at heart I am a little girl, but also a factor is that either losing or winning the national championship will probably be the most important part of my college experience. (Not sure in which way that is pathetic, but it definitely is.)
So for little girls everywhere, and red-bearded senior sports writers who have absolutely no impartiality ““ in the words of Nike (sorry Adidas, you have bad slogans), just do it.
E-mail Woods at dwoods@media.ucla.edu if you think the combination of St. Patrick’s Day and the second round of the NCAA Tournament could be the best/worst day in history.