Sometimes I think that readers will grow tired of what one fan
called my “sly ingenious stupidity.”
While I don’t know exactly what that means, this dilemma
does keep me up at night. I’ve been thinking that people tire
of columns about things like jai alai and brie. Maybe people want
to read something that is simple and preposterously heartwarming
““ reminding them of cotton candy or the “Little
Mermaid.”
In my search for a topic devoid of sophistication, which would
leave no room for flip commentary or convoluted references to
Proust or Goethe, I was naturally drawn to the men’s
volleyball team. So a few days ago I moseyed on over to its
practice and there I found a huggable, uplifting subject ““
David Genders.
There he was, perched atop a stool, whistle in mouth, refereeing
the team’s practice.
This Saturday on Senior Day, Genders will be honored along with
four-year volleyball players Rich Nelson and Scott Morrow. But
Genders is no player, he is the team’s manager.
Still, he is so much more than that ““ he’s the
team’s statistician, a film analyzer and practice referee.
With all those responsibilities, you kind of start to wonder who
runs the team.
“He’s the man behind the man, behind the man, behind
the man,” junior middle blocker Chris Peña said.
I actually heard that Albert Carnesale had Genders approve the
hirings of Karl Dorrell and Ben Howland.
Genders’ job is so important to the team that he is given
a full scholarship and has had one for each of his five years at
school (he’s a redshirt senior majoring in philosophy).
Annually the team only gets 4.5 scholarships, which are divided
among the athletes.
Sound like an amazing deal for Genders? Well it is a great deal
““ and it seems that someone has caught on because the
position will no longer exist after this season. In fact, Genders
is so good at what he does that it will take three people to
replace him next year.
“He’s the last of a dying breed,” UCLA head
coach Al Scates said.
A solid volleyball player for Crespi High School (he played with
current UCLA opposite hitter Marcin Jagoda), Genders didn’t
have the build of a collegiate player.
But as the manager, Genders is for all intents and purposes, a
member of the team, even down to the standard-issue nickname the
players gave him.
They call him Chicken.
During his freshman managing season Genders was out with the
team celebrating a victory against UC Santa Barbara at the Elephant
Bar. Genders ordered chicken tenders, but a sloshed player thought
he ordered “chicken genders,” and thus the nickname was
born.
It is clear that the team has a lot of respect for Chicken and
considers him an equal, including him in its social affairs.
According to Peña, at barbeques, “David is all about
carbs and protein. I have to force him to eat anything green. We
eat like movie stars.”
I don’t really understand why Chris was telling me this or
what the movie star thing meant, but I do know that images of
volleyball players eating vegetable stir fry and Portobello
mushroom sandwiches is certainly imposing.
Chicken told me I can’t say he was recruited, but he was
basically brought to UCLA on a volleyball scholarship only to be
cut and offered the managerial job.
So, the day he was cut was an emotional one. Well, not
really.
Assistant coach Brian Rofer broke the news to a prepared
Chicken.
“I told him, “˜You’re cut, but you have great
potential as a manager,'” Rofer said.
Why was he cut?
“Look at him. He knows the game, he has a volleyball
mentality, but he was blessed with the body of a”¦”
Rofer didn’t have to finish his sentence, because I knew
what he was thinking: Genders was blessed with the body of a
priest.
No joke. After Genders graduates from UCLA he will join the
Carmelites and begin training to become a Roman Catholic priest,
something he has been pursuing since his high school days.
Genders assures me that as manager, he isn’t doing
anything ungodly like washing jock straps, and he also isn’t
making latte runs for Scates.
“Scates would be requesting black coffee, but I
don’t know whether he supports Fair Trade coffee,”
Genders said.
Despite any grunt work he does do, Chicken enjoys all the
benefits the players receive while on the road ““ the great
meals and hotel stays in exotic places like Stockton, Calif.
“Scaters has an appreciation for the finer things in life,
and he doesn’t like to mess around with the junky
hotels,” said Peña, whose nickname for Scates is both
endearing and alarming.
Naturally I wondered whether Genders, who on road trips
doesn’t need to wake up in the morning focused to play a
volleyball match, ever puts on a plush terry cloth robe, orders
some porn, some room service and cracks open the mini bar.
Of course not, man, we’re talking about a priest.
The Bruin players said they would surely take in a sermon from
the pious Genders.
“Amen to that,” Peña said.
E-mail Miller at dmiller@media.ucla.edu to discuss the Old
Testament or Jean-Julien Rojer.