What a way
to spend a
Sunday: Irish,
Ed and Leon
In case you were wondering … First things first: Notre Dame
blows. For the first time in forever, the Irish boast of absolutely
zero quality players …
For the first time in three years, I had the pleasure of sitting
in the arena level of the student section for Sunday’s merciless
mauling. I had forgotten just how fun it is …
The way me and my buddies work, we pick out the easiest target
for ridicule on the other team (normally resembles a no-talent
version of Shawn Bradley) and commence heckling. Sunday, we hit the
jackpot with Irish center Matt Gotsch …
Not only did Gotsch have the requisite dorky appearance (bad
haircut, skinny as a chopstick, runs like a gazelle with a broken
leg), but he also had the made-for-heckling surname. This is a
family show, so you’ll have to figure it out for yourself (hint:
replace "G" with "Cr" and have some fun) …
Acting like a 13-year-old again is just too much fun. I can’t
think of a more enjoyable way to spend an afternoon. Well, maybe I
can …
Hey, I was talking about playing golf, gutter-brain …
The Irish, meanwhile, were just overmatched. They couldn’t
shoot, didn’t get back on defense and turned it over, what, 72
times? They should’ve signed up that Leon dude who banked in the
half-courter in the halftime Supershot. Leon was the man  not
only was he the first guy I’ve seen to hit the half-court heave,
but he got two shots at it. Dare I say, el fuego …
The minute that 48-footer kissed home, Leon was a celebrity, and
he knew it. He made a beeline straight to Dick Vitale, who offered
a jolly high-five, then he did a victory lap (personally, I
would’ve included Coach Wooden on said joyride) and got mobbed by
his friends at the baseline. Later in the half, Leon led us in an
eight-clap. Well done, bro. One question, though, what are you
gonna do with your life now that your 15 minutes of fame are up?
…
Leon’s heroics were a perfect launching pad for some Bruin
explosives in the second half. From the opening whistle and for 20
consecutive minutes, UCLA dominated an opponent like they’ve
dominated no other team in my Westwood residency …
It didn’t hurt that the we’re-overmatched-and-we-know-it Irish
provided the spark for that launch. Derek (I have bad) Manner(s)
yanked Tyus Edney to the ground as the Bruin point guard went up
for a breakaway layup, certainly the most flagrant foul I’ve seen
in-person this year. That garnered not just the worthy intentional
foul call, but also a violently emotional eruption from Ed
O’Bannon, who sprinted from the other end of the court to, uh, ask
a few polite questions of Mr. Manner …
I realize my opinion would probably have been different had we
been playing a tight game against a real team, but considering the
circumstances, WAY TO GO, ED! I don’t care one lick about Ed
getting a technical foul in that situation. Instead, I applaud his
swift response to a dirty play on his good friend and teammate (not
to mention the Bruins’ most vital player). More than Ed’s inner
drive, what Sunday’s incident points out to me is that sense of
family that Ed told us about back in November. Ain’t nobody gonna
come into my house and cheap-shot one of my own …
From that point on, Ed was impressive in his restraint. Despite
my pleadings for somebody to whoop Manner’s behind, O’Bannon
decided to prove his point through his play. Hello, team leader
…
After taking a 60-minute vacation (second half against Stanford
plus the Cal game), the UCLA defense was back in force this week,
holding a pathetic USC team to 36.5 percent from the field and
giving up virtually no easy baskets (except Grotsch’s monster
alley-oop slam, for which I thought he deserved game MVP honors) to
the Irish …
Last Tuesday, assistant coach Lorenzo Romar expressed concern
about the defensive effort against Cal, but promised that the
Bruins would return with a vengeance. "If you’re not a good team,"
he said, "I think it’s more of a problem." So I guess USC and Notre
Dame are in trouble, huh? …
It’s gotten to the point now that if the Bruins don’t have an
alley-oop thunder dunk, it’s a disappointment. Same goes for the
end-of-the-game, rub-it-in throw-downs  normally Charles
O’Bannon takes care of those, but Sunday Toby Bailey showed us his
flying abilities after the game had gotten out of hand. On the last
such occasion, we were almost treated to a 360-degree job by Sir
Bailey, who had to settle for a lay-in. Oh well, I guess we’ll just
have to wait until ‘SC comes in …
For all you young’uns out there, I hope you were paying
attention last Thursday night and for much of the game Sunday.
Because much of what you saw was the Bruins of the future. With
Edney sick as a poodle Thursday, Cameron Dollar took over the reins
and performed admirably, if unspectacularly …
Cameron made virtually no dumb mistakes, hit a big jumper from
the baseline in the second half, keyed the Bruins’ defensive
hammerlock down the stretch and showed solid leadership. From this
brief preview, it looks to me like UCLA will greatly miss Edney
(newsflash!), but his graduation may not be devastating …
Sunday’s only letdown was the fact that I had a
peanut-butter-and-jelly-and-fritos sandwich for lunch, when I
should’ve been feasting at Burger King. Coach Harrick gave it his
best shot, inserting Kevin "Designated Whopper Boy" Dempsey …
And Dempsey made it exciting, running the break despite the
37-point cushion, even playing tight perimeter defense. He did kind
of blow it with an over-the-head pass in traffic that was picked
off. Good thought, Kevin, but c’mon, man. When I tell you I’m
hungry, screw that razzle-dazzle business …
By the way, what the hell was going on with Notre Dame’s
cheerleaders joining our cheerleaders for some dual stunts in the
first half? I thought we were supposed to despise the enemy, not
fraternize with them. Besides, the Irish cheerleaders were ugly
…
Speaking of cheerleading, a buddy of mine brought up a solid
point at halftime: Whatever happened to the dance team catsuit show
at intermission? I thought that they lent a certain artistic
quality to a normally boring 15 minutes. It’s all about aesthetics,
see, and, well, halftime just doesn’t seem the same anymore …
Not to demean Leon or anything.