Friday, February 7, 1997
TRENDS:
International students at UCLA notice, compare differencesBy
Toni Dimayuga
Daily Bruin Contributor
When Marigee Bacolod asked her Greek boyfriend to meet her
parents after a few dates, he was shocked.
"This was on our second or third date and he was like, ‘I’m not
going to marry you, why do I have to meet them?’" she recalled.
Bacolod’s experience illustrates the differences in dating
customs among countries. And for international students at UCLA,
the American dating scene is a whole new world.
In some countries, finding a date is not as easy as just going
to a bar and asking someone out. Bacolod, a fourth-year economics
student from the Philippines, explained that especially in the
provinces, when a man is interested in a certain woman, he finds
out about her first through her friends. If he likes her, he goes
to her house, laden with presents for the family, and meets her
parents.
"If they like each other, then he asks if she can be his
girlfriend. If she says yes, then they can go out and date,"
Bacolod said.
In Switzerland, the dating game is not as formal, said Thomas
Kaelin, who recently earned his doctorate in chemistry. He
explained that the best way is to go out with male friends and meet
women in restaurants.
Usually one of the men knows some of the women, and through that
friend a man can get to know a woman and ask her to what Kaelin
called a "rendezvous."
Kaelin added that only when two people kiss and express their
love for each other can they be considered a couple.
In Brazil, "hooking up" with someone is similar to the American
way. Fourth-year psychology student Adriana Catta-Preta described
the "stay with," an idea common in teenagers and young adults.
A "stay with" involves meeting a person at a bar or club and
spending the rest of the night with them kissing, dancing, hugging
and so on.
Catta-Preta added that although most of the time one does not
see their "stay with" partner again, it can at times lead to
relationships. If it does get serious and both parties agree, then
the man meets her parents.
There are some countries where dating is nonexistent. Anand
Sridharan, a second-year graduate student in electrical engineering
said that in his native country of India, most marriages are
arranged by parents. A man starts to look for his bride when he is
in his mid-20s and has finished his education. His parents aid in
his search by word of mouth or through advertisements placed in the
newspaper.
In France, a country usually known for romance, dating seems to
be treated lightly.
"You will never tell a woman you want to date her. You never
speak directly about it," said Sebastien De la Bastie, a first-year
graduate student in computer science. "In France, we dance Â
two people together  that’s a really good way to get in touch
with someone, which you cannot really do that here."
In addition to noticing the differences in dating customs,
living in the United States has provided some eye-openers for
international students, as they compare certain social behaviors
between Americans and people of their country.
"The women here are bolder, more outspoken. In India, they’re
quieter because they’re taught to be that way," Sridharan
noticed.
Bacolod explained that part of the reason lies in the fact that
in the United States when a man asks a woman out, he is not
necessarily looking for a commitment.
"Guys here aren’t afraid to ask girls out on a date. In the
Philippines, he would be afraid she would say no, it means she
doesn’t want him at all for a relationship," she said.
Kaelin noted that conversations with Americans tend to be
superficial, based on small talk instead of substance.
"They ask ‘Hello, how are you?’ and I tell them how I am, and I
realized they didn’t really want to know how I am," he said.
He added that Americans tend to interpret things in a sexual
manner. Kaelin believed it is due to the idea that sex is
considered taboo in American culture. While nudity is a norm on
Swiss television, one will not find naked bodies on NBC’s Thursday
lineup.
"No one talks about (sex), but everyone thinks about it," he
said.
Catta-Preta suggested that the Brazilian people’s own cultural
tendency to be personal and affectionate may affect male-female
relationships.
"I think Brazilian women are more romantic and closer to their
boyfriends," she said.
De la Bastie observed that despite the many cultures in the
United States, it seems that people tend to date others with the
same background. In addition, he noticed often men and women tend
to be in separate groups.
But times are changing, and so are dating customs in other
countries, with the help of Westernization.
Sridharan mentioned that although many marriages are still
arranged in India, women’s traditional roles are changing as more
Indian women become career-oriented.
In the Philippines, more and more young people are abandoning
the old customs, Bacolod said. For example, there is an increase in
premarital sex, considered a sin in this predominantly Catholic
country.
"A lot of it has to do with urbanization," she said. "There’s a
lot of change in traditional attitudes and beliefs."