Tuesday, October 22, 1996
HOMECOMING:
Campus events and the college experience are symbioticBy Robin
Aguilar
Daily Bruin Columnist
Welcome to yet another installment of "What the hell is that
crazy Mexican talking about now?" Yes, folks, I am your humble
servant; your court jester, if you will.
I am dedicated to giving this boring ass, same old crap, only
good thing it has is the crossword puzzle, NEWSPAPER some value for
my omniscient, all knowing readers (Yes, my ass-kissing does get me
far in life.) Although I am not as talented as our infamous 2- 4
football team, I would still like to take you on a journey.
This journey (not to be confused with the ’80s rock band who
wrote the famous song about my hometown, San Francisco) will lead
us down a path many do not travel. We will be able to ask questions
we have never asked before. Let us begin.
What would you do if you woke up tomorrow morning with bologna
stapled to your face? One might ask, "Well, what kind of bologna is
it? Turkey, chicken, or is it the standard sweep up the deli floor
and stamp it into a slice of wholesome, processed genitalia
bologna?" Just for effect, let’s say that the bologna is the
processed genitalia type and has just been found stapled to your
face. Cold, slimy, oh, and the morning breath doesn’t help. Do you
freak out? Or do you just eat your way out? Do you put some more on
your hands and feet and turn into "Bologna Man?" The possibilities
are endless.
Does this situation sound familiar to you? Either you have
experienced this freak of nature or you have read "Metamorphosis,"
where the leading man turns into a cockroach. Like most who turn
into a cockroaches, this guy lost all his friends and today would
probably be chased by a can of lemon-scented Raid, or the Jews for
Jesus guy (whichever is worse).
OK faithful readers, here is where you can insert "What the hell
is that crazy Mexican talking about now?" I am talking about
Homecoming 1996. For those of you who haven’t bothered to
participate in this wonder of events, it is UCLA’s oldest tradition
consisting of a parade and a fun filled week of activities for you
to take part in. Now, do me a favor and raise your hand if you feel
like UCLA is a lifeless, cold, unfriendly place where the reg fees
continue to rise and you can’t seem to get laid. OK, that’s quite a
few people. Can you tell me why you feel this way? Simple, you have
bologna stapled to your face (or you have just transformed into a
cockroach, whichever is more appealing to you) and it is due to
your not participating in any of the UCLA traditions.
Did you know that five short years ago UCLA had the biggest and
most decorated Homecoming Parade in the country? Did you also know
that due to lack of student interest Homecoming may go the way of
amazing events like Mardi Gras? (For you first- and second-year
students, Mardi Gras was this fresh-ass carnival that was held
every year on the IM Field to benefit UniCamp, that was cancelled
due to lack of fundage and interest last year.) And finally, did
you know that just by watching the Homecoming 1996 Spirit March, or
by coming to the Bruinfest carnival you, yes you, can ensure that
Homecoming will stick around for future generations to enjoy?
Now, I know that some of my faithful readers are thinking "I
don’t have the time or the energy to give a sweet shit about
Homecoming or anything else this school has to offer." I can very
much understand why you might feel this way. I myself used to be
the type of student who only had time to get to class and work. In
fact my biggest concerns were things like CCRI and Prop. 209,
rising reg fees, and my financial aid getting smaller and smaller.
Don’t get me wrong, I STILL worry about these things, but I also
worry that if I don’t make an investment into my education, and the
people with whom I am sharing this education, then I have failed at
UCLA. UCLA prides itself on being the most diverse university in
the nation, and it is up to each and every one of us to make sure
that we act like it. What better opportunity than going to a UCLA
event which has no other purpose than for students, alumni and
friends to get together for a good time?
What can it hurt? You get out to pump up the football team to at
least try to beat Stanford. And maybe you can find a hottie who is
also lookin’ for love somewhere other than the Huge G. Dick library
(although I can’t vouch for what goes on in those cubicles on the
fifth floor). There is very little that connects us here at this
huge school, and what does is shunned for not being political
enough, and for being way too touchy feely.
If we, as college students, are supposed to be the future
leaders of this country, then don’t you think that we should break
ALL lines (gender, color, religion, etc.) and try to work and play
together?
So, tear the bologna off your face because Nov. 1 is your
opportunity to keep it off. The Homecoming 1996 Spirit March begins
at 7 p. m. in Westwood and will travel on to Westwood Plaza for
Bruinfest, the carnival and Bruin talent showcase. Just give it a
try. If you don’t like it, find me at the carnival and I will give
you a free package of Oscar Mayer and some staples.