By William Kwan
During the last time I spoke to my mom about a week and a half
ago, I hung up on her when she stated that she and my father didn’t
want me "walking the black road." I couldn’t handle her abuse.
The whole thing started before I went to college. My mother gave
me a list of "don’ts" including, "Don’t ride on a motorcycle," and
"Don’t mess around with guys," and in doing so, she indicated she
knew I was gay. Before I flew back to California to go back to
UCLA, she would say something along the lines of, "People in
California will do anything," and, "I know guys your age are
curious."
The whole thing hit the fan when I visited my parents in New
York last month. They gave me a long lecture about how I still had
time to "get back onto the dock," to cut myself off from the "bad
people" (i.e. gay people) I was hanging out with. They basically
said that evil gay people had forced me to be gay against my will.
They have since taken it as a given that I will contract AIDS and
die a slow, painful death.
After I stated I wanted to be with a man, not a woman and that
it was not a choice, my mother basically told me that she prefers I
be alone for the rest of my life. To deal with this, I even rented
them the film The Wedding Banquet in the hopes it might communicate
what I couldn’t say, considering my Chinese isn’t that good and the
movie bridges the cultural gap between first and second generation
Chinese Americans.
When my parents persisted in calling homosexuality "abnormal,"
"unnatural" and "immoral," I walked out and stayed with friends for
the rest of my trip. The incident bothered me very deeply, and it
wasn’t until I saw two men casually holding hands on the streets of
Manhattan that I felt confident about myself again.
My parents still love me and I love them, but it will take a
long time before the uncomfortable situation between us will
change. When I came back to UCLA, I looked for resources to help
educate my parents and spoke to the Japanese American mother of a
lesbian who confessed she cried for 18 months after her daughter
came out to her. Now she and her husband support their daughter
completely and are trying to educate the religious and Asian
communities.
What I’m trying to say is while there is pain and hurt on both
sides, I will not feel accepted as a fellow human being until my
sexuality is also fully accepted. In many ways, gays, lesbians and
bisexuals are just like everyone else  just with a notable
difference. And as a minority group, we have developed our own
culture(s) that are part of our identities.
During third week, Gay and Lesbian Cultural Awareness Week will
take place at UCLA. I hope all Bruins will take advantage of it to
learn something about their peers and perhaps themselves. I’m
planning a dance at Axis, located at 652 N. La Peer in West
Hollywood tomorrow, April 13, from 9 p.m. to 2 a.m. The event
includes free food and no cover charge with a UCLA student I.D.
Sponsored by UCLA Lambda Alumni and the Gay and Lesbian
Faculty/Staff Network, UCLA alumni in various fields and
professions will be there, as well as gays from various faiths. I
hope that everyone who participates in Gay and Lesbian Cultural
Awareness week events comes with a mind to learn, not to judge or
preach.
When I was petitioning with my friend Beth on Bruin Walk, it was
very disquieting to hear a Christian woman tell Beth (a lesbian)
that homosexuality was sinful and that she was convinced that Beth
could "change." Ironically, this happened after Beth had stated she
was the happiest she’d ever been after she came out, something she
decided to do after struggling with being gay and Christian and
after a suicide attempt. Regardless, nothing Beth said seemed to
reach the preacher.
I invite all gays, lesbians, bisexuals, friends and potential
friends to participate in the events of the week and to come to
tomorrow’s dance at Axis. You can have fun and learn at the same
time, and the music is bitchin’.
Kwan is a UCLA alumnus with a bachelor’s degree in history and
religious studies.