Now that I leave college (in only 4 years, which I believe might
be a UCLA record!), I find that none of the original questions I
had upon enrolling here were answered, except for one particular
question which I answered along with a few good friends and a
bottle of tequila one night my sophomore year. In fact, I’ve
added a lot more questions to my ever-expanding list of things
I’d like to know, and it doesn’t look like any of these
queries about life are ever going to be answered.
So, for the final column of my collegiate years, I thought it
would be a fun notion to catalog some of the general concerns and
questions I’ve had during my time here at the University of
California, Los Angeles:
1) What is the point of the Midnight Yell? I mean, really,
people. I understand a few individuals might want to blow off some
steam while studying for finals, but a large organized pre-approved
time when everyone, even those not studying for finals, agrees to
get together and yell as loud as they can for no good reason makes
me wonder if there isn’t some bad acid circulating in
Westwood these days.
And, by the way, who is it that first started burning furniture
in the middle of Glenrock, which of course made the slightly
trigger-happy UCPD come out getting ready for Tiananmen Square,
Round 2? You know who you are ““ stop it! If you must burn
your furniture, be sure to alert the authorities in advance that
you’re not a malicious riot-instigator, but merely a college
student with a final who wants to dispel some stress by destroying
your own property.
2) If marijuana use is illegal, how does everybody get away with
smoking egregious amounts of weed in front of Kerckhoff every year
on 4/20? It’s this selective interpretation of the law that
always cracks me up. “Well, you’re not supposed to
smoke weed, but since we’ve all agreed that on this one day
you’re going to, you can.” What kind of logic is that?
My question is, does it work for other drugs? Could we all agree to
do crack in front of Bunche on 5/12, and the police would just
watch us and not do anything? If so, somebody should really get on
organizing that.
3) Why do people still get angry with me about making fun of
Keanu Reeves? He’s really stupid and he’s a really bad
actor. This is common knowledge. Deal with it. It doesn’t
mean you can’t go see him in a movie, or watch his band
Dogstar (although you really shouldn’t) or think he’s
really dreamy, or whatever you Keanu fans out there do. It just
means you have to accept the fact that, hard as it may be to
believe, the star of “Bill and Ted’s Excellent
Adventure” isn’t exactly what we might call “UCLA
material.”
4) And, finally, why is it that even when you know that
it’s time to move on and start the business of making a life
for yourself, you still feel like you don’t want to change a
single thing.?
As I sit here in my apartment, listening to my roommates
converse in their bedroom and gazing out upon the Westwood streets,
I don’t feel like it’s time to move on. I feel like I
just got here, and the weather’s nice, the people are
friendly, and I’d like to stay a spell longer. But, the
future awaits, and I won’t become an angry, bitter failed
screenwriter jockeying the frappucino machine at some Starbucks in
the Antelope Valley by sitting around here forever. So I take my
final bow, grab my diploma and embark on yet another one of
life’s adventures.