VH-1, the music channel that spent a lot of time struggling to
find an identity, has come across some amazing ratings successes.
One of its biggest has been the annual "Divas Live" show, which has
been running for the last three years, scoring massively high
ratings for the cable channel every year.
What makes these singers so appealing that they generate such
interest among the public? Is it their beauty, their ever-changing
hair, their big voices? No, none of these really account for their
popularity. If we all think about what this could be for a second,
all of us intelligent UCLA students will come up with the one
answer that really makes sense.
These divas so fascinate and enthrall us because they have
provided us with an education.
Think about it. Without Tina Turner, how would we have ever
known that a woman can survive the utter loss of her hair by
wearing big wigs? That Buddhism can give a woman the strength to
get rid of her abusive husband? That it is possible to have great
legs past the age of 50?
Obviously, Tina is not the only diva to teach us. They all have
contributed something amazing and marvelous to the education of
society. Madonna, as always, stands out when considering the divas.
She has taught us that no matter how many times a person changes
her clothes, style or even spirituality, we can always tell it’s
the same person. Along with this, Madonna demonstrates that it is
more fun to have multiple personalities than to remain your one
boring self. But probably most importantly, she taught us that it
is OK to talk about sex, and not just talk about it, but to be
extremely explicit about it.
How could we have ever had such a lengthy national discussion
about Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsky and their various accessories
(Altoids, cigars, etc.) without the massive influence of Madonna? I
think perhaps we should all thank her right now for the extensive
media coverage and stimulating national debate surrounding that
whole political situation.
Madonna’s recognized rival throughout much of the ’80s was
Whitney Houston. And there is very good reason for that. Just think
of all that she has taught us in the last two decades. For example,
no matter how many times you put your foot in your mouth, you can
still sing (except for the occasional sore throat, of course). All
of us remember the comments, "I am bigger than the Beatles," "I am
not a lesbo," and "Yes, I have hung out with drug dealers."
Any reasonable person might assume that shoving your foot so
deeply down so many times would do irreparable damage to the vocal
cords (or at least enhance physical flexibility enough so that
dancing would improve). Yet, her voice remains one of the biggest
and best ever. A final lesson that I’m sure pleases all of the
actors in this town: Whitney Houston has demonstrated that it is
possible to be a movie star without being able to act (witness "The
Bodyguard" and "Waiting to Exhale").
Celine Dion has taught us that we don’t have to eat or be tall
in order to be accorded the status of diva. A huge voice can emerge
from a very tiny place. She also teaches us that sometimes it’s
better to hear someone sing than to hear them talk.
Cyndi Lauper, a long-lost diva, taught people in my generation
how to shop in a thrift store. She also taught us a lot through her
lyrics. Who knew that girls just wanted to have fun? How many of us
would be able to conjugate the word "bop" today without Cyndi
spelling it out for us?
Gloria Estefan has taught us valuable lessons about surviving
adversity, singing in Spanish and the plight of the co-dependent
female. Especially her earlier tunes such as "Words Get In The Way"
and "Don’t Wanna Lose You Now" teach us about depending too much on
other people. (Gloria, you weren’t listening to Cyndi, were
you?).
Mariah Carey has also been a classic case of co- dependency
throughout much of her career. Yet, she finally demonstrated that
you can break free from such a state by dressing skimpily and
crossing large bodies of water (see her first video after she broke
up with her husband for verification of this).
My favorite lesson that I learned from Janet Jackson is that
focusing on social action leads to a beautiful body.
I touched a little on lyrics before, but I have to point out
that the lyrics the divas sing also teach us a lot. In fact, they
cause us to think through them just as any sacred text does.
Haven’t many of us spent hours thinking about how we can feel "Like
A Virgin" without actually being virgins? I know I spent a lot of
time pondering over how long Celine Dion’s heart could go on. I
also remember long conversations in my family generated by
Whitney’s declaration that loving yourself is "The Greatest Love of
All."
And how many of us have wondered if we could always love someone
who we were destined to leave, as a determined Whitney announces in
her most popular song, a song that probably has been heard by as
many people as have read any single sacred text? And, of course,
there is the conundrum of how Whitney could possibly be every
woman.
In fact, just ruminate on the following lyrics shared with us by
the divine divas themselves: "I see your true colors shining
through, and that’s why I love you," "Love comes to those who
believe it, and that’s the way it is," "Who knows what miracles you
can achieve when you believe" (two divas taught us this one, so it
must be one of the most important), "What’s love got to do with it,
what’s love but a secondhand emotion?"
I think I have made my point well, and a review of the above
information indicates that the "Divas Live" program picked the
wrong woman as the ultimate diva. We did not learn much from Diana
Ross other than that people can still give you a standing ovation
when you sing off-key. In fact, the diva who has taught us the most
in the past century is Whitney Houston.
And to all those who disagree with me, I respond by simply
flipping my hair (like Mariah), giving you a cold look (like
Whitney’s best) and saying, "Sorry, honey, but that’s the way it
is." I have learned from Elton John and RuPaul that a man can be a
diva, too.