I just realized that my earning potential is much higher than I
thought.
In 2004 the Department of Education used your tax money to pay
conservative commentator Armstrong Williams $240,000 to promote the
No Child Left Behind Act. Williams was chosen because he is black
““ the department hoped to sway black voters.
According to USA Today, Williams happily obliged, neglecting to
disclose this fact to his listeners and readers.
I see the beginning of a fruitful career ahead of me.
Have you ever even heard of Armstrong Williams before? Me
neither. Has most of America heard of me? Nope. Another
characteristic I share with Williams is that I too appeal to a very
specialized audience: college students.
If little-known political commentators with specific audiences
are the next big thing in advertising, I’m not going to ask
any questions because $240,000 is a lot of money, especially for a
college student living off of Ramen.
That amount of money would pay for you to go to college twice,
then graduate school, take a yearlong vacation to Europe and
decorate your dorm room with a Picasso.
And I am ready to take full advantage of every penny. Whether
it’s funding from ASUCLA or Coca-Cola, I am prepared to
promote some merchandise.
“I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?”
I think as I drink my refreshing, Exuberant-Mango-Berry-Rainbow
smoothie from Jamba Juice.
Some readers may be concerned that corporate funding might
influence my point of view. But as Williams told USA Today,
“I wanted to do it because it’s something I believe
in.”
I believe in a lot of things, like free smoothies and fat
paychecks I don’t really deserve. According to Williams, as
long as I start believing before the companies start paying,
it’s all good.
When the news about Williams’ government-sponsored gig
broke in October, he was forced to return a whole $34,000 because
he only produced most of the propaganda the government had asked
for ““ not all of it.
I really don’t know how a man is expected to live on only
$206,000, but I will not make the same mistake.
Rest assured, when I am called upon to sell out my ideas and
reputation for bags full of money, I will do so completely and
without reserve.
Luckily for me, no government officials have been reprimanded
for the inappropriate use of government funds, even though
government-sponsored propaganda is illegal, according to the
Government Accountability Office.
So finding sponsors shouldn’t be a problem. In fact, I may
just begin auctioning off the 800 or so words I have in this column
on eBay.
But only to people who believe in stuff I already believed in
anyway. And who are seriously loaded.
It wouldn’t be much different from when the Bush
administration produced “video news releases””“
otherwise known as partisan political ads ““ that they aired
under the pretense that the ads were actual objective news
reports.
The administration’s blatant attempts to mislead the
public resulted in a stern shaking of the finger from the
Government Accountability Office.
This tells me that if the government isn’t going to be
punished for lying to the public with our tax money, it’s
unlikely anyone will pay much attention to the new Hummer
I’ll be driving next week.
You know, the car with the gorgeous yellow paint job, beautiful
leather interior and absolutely no down payments until 2008?
U.S. Rep. George Miller (D-Calif.) stated that Williams should
be forced to give back all of the money. He also demanded that
someone be held accountable for hiring Williams.
Miller needs to relax. I mean, there’s no way the media is
just going to do whatever the Bush administration wants. No chance
the press will believe any silly little thing, like accusations
that Iraq of has WMDs.
The truth will always prevail in the press, so there’s no
reason to get people all riled up. Once the media starts demanding
answers and for the Government Accountability Office to start
holding people accountable, I’m going to lose out on a lot of
promotional opportunities,
Objectivity is so subjective anyway. There’s no reason to
be concerned about ethics in the media.
What else is there to report but the truth? And the truth is, I
am a huge fan of Nike running shoes.
Just do it.
Did you know Hershey’s chocolate is absolutely
delicious? Tell Strickland at kstrickland@media.ucla.edu. Send
general comments to viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.