Monday, February 22, 1999
Dating guide only shows a good Feller is hard to find
BOOKS: Awkward work yields offensive jargon, tactics to handle
females
By Erin Beatty
Daily Bruin Contributor
#There is absolutely nothing wrong with casual dating – or with
baseball terminology. There is, however, something very wrong with
Stefan Feller’s new book, "How to Juggle Women Without Getting
Killed or Going Broke."
It is terrible.
Besides grammatical errors, poor attempts at humor and the oddly
placed clip art on the pages, the recommended tactics of keeping
your life together while dating three women simultaneously are
ridiculously difficult.
As he proceeds through the slightly misogynistic ways of keeping
women at bay, Feller turns dating into a baseball game. He tells us
there are three "positions" for various dates, comparing each
possible date to a team member.
There is the starter. The starter is the dateable girl you could
take to your high school reunion. She’s the best of the recommended
three-girl lineup; thus, treat her well. The starter deserves to be
called long before a date. But if she is unavailable, just move to
"middle relief."
Middle relief is a rather attractive girl who could replace the
starter, but for some reason just doesn’t make the cut. Middle
relief becomes necessary, though, when the starter insists on a bit
more commitment. This is when middle relief moves up to bat, until
another starter is found to replace her. Middle relievers are
important figures when your starters falter.
Finally, if all else fails, there’s always your closer. The
closer consists of a fairly attainable woman (read: a slut who has
little respect for herself and is willing to come over to an
apartment at 12 o’clock at night in order to leave her "juggler"
satisfied). This pragmatic purpose and this alone is what a closer
provides. She saves the game if all else has been lost.
Besides being aware of the three positions that various,
unsuspecting women might fill, Feller describes where to meet
them.
Feller’s infinite wisdom tells us that the professional arena is
always a great place to meet someone. Lesson No. 2: You can always
meet a woman under false pretenses. This technique is fairly simple
and involves going to charitable events to meet "good" women.
Unfortunately, these are merely "good" women that you are bound
eventually to leave.
Leaving becomes much easier after learning Feller’s highly
practical, long list of usable dumping lines.
After swooning the young lady with dinner (don’t worry – recipes
are included) and seeing that she expects commitment, it is
definitely time to get rid of her. After all, no one wants a woman
who is looking for anything other than a good time.
Thankfully, Feller makes it simple. Under bold headings such as,
"It’s not you, it’s me?" and "The brutally honest approach," he
lists his cunning tactics. He even suggests e-mail as a means of
ending the "relationship." Obviously, this guy is remarkably cued
in to the technological advancements of the 20th century.
In order to handle this plethora of women, Feller includes
various charts and data tables. He recommends one with the various
women’s information. This chart includes the woman’s brothers and
sisters, birthday and important life events. Because it also
includes this information for several different women, Fellers
wisely recommends that one doesn’t let his "players" see the
chart.
Although it’s fine to date around, this book is for the dating
impaired. Its tactics are rather difficult, and the author attempts
to convey his simple knowledge through boring and uninteresting
language. Instead of reading this book, solicit advice from any
female friend you have ever had, and, with some patience, it can be
guaranteed that you, too, can achieve the skill of dating multiple
women.AOP Books
"How to Juggle Women" is a guide for the dating man seeking to
organize the women in his life.
Comments, feedback, problems?
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