Nicole Seymour Seymour hopes you
celebrated National Freedom to Marry Day on Tuesday. You can e-mail
her at saintblue@hotmail.com.
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Since California passed last year’s anti-gay Proposition
22, several states have followed suit, either seeking to ban
gay marriage or to legally define it as a heterosexual institution.
The United States (or at least some of it) has just elected a
man who opposes gay rights in any form.
Meanwhile, several European countries have legalized gay
marriages and adoptions by gays. Sexually explicit gay shows like
the original “Queer as Folk” are shown on regular
TV. Nonetheless, I still wouldn’t say we here live in a
homophobic society. The real problem is that we live in a
heterosexist one.
Heterosexism is different from homophobia; it is expressed by
homophobic as well as many “liberal,”
“pro-gay” people. Yet it gets talked about so little
that the word is being underlined by my computer’s spell
check right now. Basically, it means assuming that most people
are straight. So what? Aren’t they? Maybe. But
what’s so tricky about heterosexism is that it generally
mandates that everything, not most things, is geared toward
a heterosexual mind-set, populace, interest, etc. Everyone and
anyone else is marginalized, as are a lot of straight people
who aren’t interested in this monolithic conception of
sexuality.
 Illustration by JENNY YURSHANSKY/Daily Bruin Heterosexism
is an invisible fact mainly because it is the status quo.
For most of us, it starts in our own families. We grow up in
households where the adults, even if they are not a married
male-female couple, are usually engaged in heterosexual
relationships. If we are not then taught, told or shown that
this is not necessarily the ultimate basis of normalcy, the world
soon becomes straight to us ““ whether or not we ourselves are
straight.
Most of us are encouraged in this mind-set by our childhood
toys, programs and treatment. Barbies are sold to go with
Kens, adults coo over boys and girls when they hold hands, but
adults separate boys and boys and girls and girls who are too
affectionate. Basically, throughout our
childhood, heterosexuality is encouraged, applauded and
required, making me wonder if being straight isn’t the
more “unnatural” thing after all.
These attitudes continue to be fed to us from every aspect of
the media. IÂ never saw a movie with anything but boy-girl,
man-woman couples in it until I was 17, because most movies
with or about gay characters are deemed art movies or gay
films, or rated R or NC-17. In other words, straight films are
expected to appeal to everyone (following the logic that everyone
is straight), whereas gay films could only possibly appeal to
those few gay people that possibly exist. Occasionally we get
cross-over movies like 1998’s “Trick,” which
treats gay romance in an apolitical manner.
Not that “gay issues” should be necessarily
depoliticized ““ there aren’t enough gay or
straight people concerned about civil rights as it is ““ but
if homosexuality were always emphasized as what it is (natural), we
would not see the need for anti-gay measures. Homophobia would
simply not occur to people.
When it comes to TV, gay people are rarely shown as main
characters unless they fit a stereotype or unless they appear
on a program shown later at night with an adult-content
rating, which is what happened to “Ellen” in
its last season. Of course, “Will & Grace” has
since become a prime time hit, but its main characters are
never shown being sexual or romantic, as much as they may talk
about it.
Meanwhile, a man and a woman lying next to each other in
bed is deemed OK for prime time and the whole family on
shows like “Friends,” which airs at 8 p.m. The
heterosexist message is clear:Â homosexuality is an
“adult” topic, a special interest niche, while
the presentation of heterosexuality appeals to and is accepted
by everyone, even if it’s overly sexualized.
Even as a conscious adult, heterosexism is still subtly pressed
on me, and, being a college student, UCLA is sometimes the
biggest source of it. Last quarter, I took a Women’s
Studies class that, while very enlightening, focused almost
solely on the ways that men and women can
have non-hierarchical relationships, how men can avoid
dominating their female partners, etc. It was as if same-sex
relationships did not figure into feminist concerns.
In the past two weeks in particular, I was inundated with
ads in The Bruin for Bruin Valentines, and noticed that the
only icon of a couple available for a valentines was the
silhouette of a male and female. This image not only appeared
in the order form, but on its own in the more prominent ads
for the valentines. The suggestion was, only
heterosexual couples exist, or only heterosexual couples need
to be catered to. I guess gays and lesbians have to use the
teddy bear icon!
All these things add up to the fact that, overall, people
growing up and living in this heterosexist society are not
merely shown that homosexuality is wrong, shameful, or
embarrassing. They are shown, above all, that it is simply
non-existent. Heterosexism precludes the validation of
homosexuality as a sexuality, not to mention an accepted one.
This tells gay people that they are not part of this society,
because, according to the outside world, they simply
don’t exist.
And what this does to straight people is maybe just as bad
““ it gives them a skewed, blinders-on view of life. A lot
will grow up being homophobic, as I did. After all, if you
assume the world revolves around heterosexuality, then when
you inevitably encounter homosexuality, you necessarily sense
something is wrong about it.
Homophobics are not simply created from negative images of
gays, but by parents’, teachers’
and society’s refusal to present any images at all. We
fear what we don’t understand, and then we retaliate
against it.
Heterosexism, however, also pervades non-homophobic straight
people, too. Many hold the condescending belief that, “If I
accept gay people, that’s fine.” But that’s
not fine. By also assuming most people are straight, by not
acknowledging the privilege (better treatment, privacy, general
ease of living, etc.) that heterosexism affords someone, or by
not taking responsibility for heterosexism, one perpetuates
it. And anything that perpetuates it leads to homophobia,
homogeny and a generally discriminatory society.
So what can people do about it? For one, change their attitudes.
If we (as straight and gay people) care about a diverse and
just society, we can’t allow our kids to be raised to
think that, because Mom and Dad are a couple, only Moms and
Dads are couples. We have to realize that it’s not just
enough to think or to express the opinion that homophobia is
wrong, we have to stand up for the fact that homosexuality is right
(and a reality). We have to challenge such seemingly innocent
instances as when our friends ask a girl if she has a
boyfriend, rather than saying, “are you dating
someone?”
All this is not to say that homosexuality needs anyone to
normalize it, to fit it into the straight world, to say,
“hey, it’s okay, you’re just as good as
us.” It’s heterosexuality that needs de-normalizing,
because its over-emphasis has had detrimental and limiting effects
on all people in our society. Some aspects of heterosexism
can’t be helped, like having straight parents or few gay
role models, but they can be challenged and questioned.
And some of heterosexism can be changed ““ like assumptions
about what people “are,” about what most people
are interested in, and, more importantly, about who heterosexism
really hurts: everyone.