Economic recession? Not in Westwood.
Maybe someone smeared a pint of lamb’s blood all over the
door posts at the Morgan Center, because the way Dan Guerrero has
been spending money lately, it appears the UCLA Athletic Department
has been passed over.
As a Fred McGriff-like financial slump ravages the nation, the
Bruins’ first-year athletic director has dished out cash like
he fires coaches ““ quickly and without remorse.
A new football coach: $600,000. A new basketball coach: $1.1
million.
But a new indoor tennis facility? That’s where he needs to
draw the line.
Guerrero’s freewheeling style of management has been a
welcome change from the cautiousness of the previous regime, but
now is the time to tighten up the purse strings before UCLA alumni
donors start filing for bankruptcy.
If men’s tennis coach Billy Martin really believes that he
needs a $600,000 privately-funded roof built over four of the
courts at Sunset Canyon Recreation Center, maybe he ought to listen
to a weather forecast once in a while.
I’m no meteorologist, but this is Los Angeles ““ not
Seattle. It rains maybe twice a year here.
If the squad really wants indoor facilities so badly,
couldn’t four of the lesser-used tennis players get up on
ladders and hold a huge tarp over a court when it rains? It might
not be a retractable roof, but at least the American-born Bruins
might finally have something to do at a match besides root for
their teammates from the bleachers.
And while we’re on the topic of saving money, here are a
few more ideas the athletic department might consider:
“¢bull; Yes, an ever-expanding women’s rowing team is the
inevitable ““ however unpopular ““ offspring of Title IX,
but at this point, there are more boats at UCLA than ESPN has
channels. Right now there are four boats, and that’s about
three more than the team needs.
And if the athletic department is looking for potential buyers
for this excess equipment, I am sure the the Cuban National
baseball team would be more than interested. After years of
immigrating to the States on toothpick rafts held together by
chewing gum and Elmer’s glue, I think it’s safe to say
that nobody needs secure nautical equipment more than the
Cubans.
This could be the key to establishing a recruiting pipeline to
Havana. It would be nice if next year’s Jose Contreras was in
a Bruin uniform and not the Yankee pinstripes.
“¢bull; With gasoline costs rising by the hour, even travelling
to the other Southern California schools has become expensive.
Therefore, it’s time to change the format of cross-country
meets by having the athletes race to and from each other’s
schools instead of driving.
The group that gets to the other school first wins the meet.
Not only would this be a stern test for the athletes, but what a
spectator sport! If they can get hordes of people to watch the
Boston Marathon today with the streets closed, can you imagine the
crowds on Wilshire Boulevard as the runners weave their way through
oncoming traffic?
“¢bull; Now that the Intramural Field is starting to look less
and less like a parking lot, it’s time for the athletic
department to take advantage of its new facility. So why not have
the Expos play there?
Baseball’s bastard children play home games in San Juan,
Puerto Rico and Montreal, Canada. Hosting a series or two in Los
Angeles would bring a needed sense of normalcy. If Guerrero sets up
some bleachers on Janss steps, the Westwood Expos would be the
hottest ticket on campus since Chuck D tore up Ackerman Union.
It makes more sense than indoor tennis courts, doesn’t
it?
The Giants are in first place. The Dodgers are not. E-mail
Eisenberg at jeisenberg@media.ucla.edu if you also think this is
the way it should be.