Home for the holidays ““ it’s a nice idea, at least
in theory. It’s a quick vacation from school and work and all
the stresses of your real life. You get to go back to the place
where you grew up and where you have so many fond memories.
Still, to some this trip can be daunting, even downright
terrifying. You have to deal with all the loose ends you left
untied when you ran off to college, and you have to face the fact
that things and people change. If you haven’t changed during
your time away at college, you’re doing something wrong.
Some students not from Los Angeles treat UCLA as a sort of
surrogate home, a cheap and very temporary replacement for the real
home they left behind. Here in L.A., they never register to vote or
explore what their new city has to offer. They go home every couple
of weekends where they still have a room set up in their
parents’ house stacked with high school paraphernalia.
I’m not saying you should completely ditch your family and
your old friends ““ your mothers would crucify me ““ but
it is important to realize that for these four years, Los Angeles
is your home and should be treated accordingly.
For me, Los Angeles is the third place that I feel like I can
really call home, and I feel very comfortable here. My old, high
school home may be a distant and fading memory, but I’ll
always be connected to it in a strange sort of way.
Hypothetically, going home for the holidays is an appealing
idea. You get to reconnect with family and friends and your mom
prepares all your favorite home-cooked meals and washes all the
dirty laundry that you packed into your trunk. There is a crackling
fireplace and a glass of scotch with the old man and a short speech
about how he is proud of the man you’ve become. There are
back-alley drinking sessions with all your old buddies where you
choke down 40 oz. bottles of malt liquor and reminisce about the
good old days.
But let’s be honest, folks ““ this is really quite
far from the reality of the situation.
Last Christmas, I stayed in L.A. and ate buffalo wings and drank
beer at a friend’s apartment, avoiding the trip home to see
the family. This year, I am actually going to spend Thanksgiving
with them. I can’t say I’m completely dreading the
experience; I think it will be good to see everyone and catch up,
but there are always strange things to deal with.
Even something as traditional as my mom’s delicious
Thanksgiving dinner can hold some interesting surprises at my
house. In the last couple of years, it has been infiltrated by my
younger sister’s vegetarianism in the guise of a strange
gelatinous substance called Tofurkey. (Is nothing sacred?)
Throughout the Thanksgiving festivities, there will inevitably
be some uncomfortable arguments between feuding siblings and, of
course, the standard family drama. I can never avoid those
conversations with extended family about what I’ve been up to
and what I have to show for the last five years (“Yes, its my
fifth year. … No, I’m still an undergrad”). Some of
these conversations can only be made bearable when accompanied by a
stiff cocktail, but I feel like I’m supposed to hide the fact
that college life has turned me into a cigarette-smoking binge
drinker. What would my family say if they knew I was more familiar
with the local bars than the halls of my college campus?
So, while I am looking forward to seeing my family, you can see
why the obligation to go home for the holidays can be a bit
off-putting for some people.
Julie Tondre, a third-year biology student originally from
Northern California shares my sentiments, noting that with the
exception of summer, she only goes home for the obligatory
Christmas and Thanksgiving trips.
“At home in Fremont, I feel more like a guest. Here in
Westwood, I pay rent and pay my bills and I take care of myself
““ I feel more like this is my home.”
On the other hand, some students love to go home for the
holidays. Jen Le, a fourth-year biology student from San Jose, told
me she considers the Bay Area her home because all her family and
friends still live there. She transferred to UCLA last year and she
feels she has only just begun to feel comfortable. “I used to
get homesick, but this year I’ve familiarized myself ““
I kinda like it here now,” she said.
This familiarization process Jen mentions is a very important
part of college. You learn to adapt to new surroundings and broaden
your horizons, creating a new home for yourself. “I think one
of the big lessons you learn in college is to be independent and to
adjust. Going home all the time counters that,” Jen said,
adding that she still goes home because she has fun hanging out
with all her old friends.
As college students with homes here and homes elsewhere, we have
to walk a fine line between the two. It is undeniably important to
establish yourself as an individual, able to make a connection with
UCLA and the L.A. area as a home away from home. At the same time,
you shouldn’t completely neglect your family and friends just
because you moved away for college.
I don’t know that I could ever go back to my old home to
live permanently ““ it just doesn’t feel like home
anymore, at least not like it used to. I’ve tried to start a
new life here at UCLA and it’s turned into a new home, with a
new dysfunctional family comprised of college students, coworkers
and drinking buddies. Still, no matter how much I feel at home here
in LA, I really don’t want to forget where I came from, no
matter how much Tofurkey they force me to eat.